Hit the Deck: A DaveKat Fic
by awkwardFawn
Summary: Humanstuck. In which Karkat works at a restaurant where you're supposed to be rude to the customers. Normally he can handle what he's given at work and give it right back, but this just might be the straw that breaks the load. Little does our kitkat know that Dave can dish the shit better than anyone out there. Sarcastic adult boys will be sarcastic. Slow burning?
1. Chapter 1

Karkat P.O.V.

Well here goes another fucking day at what's probably the best job in the whole world, or at least the best one that I could get. I work at this place called "Hit the Deck" where I'm literally paid to be rude to the customers. Obviously not a difficult job since most of them are complete and total idiots, and I can hardly ever refrain from cussing even when talking to people I genuinely like and tolerate. My shift today was a fucking 8am to 5pm though because we're always short staffed. Not many people can handle the customers being rude back to them. So they snap and either quit or get their asses fired. Nevertheless I've been working there for about two years now. Not so much because I need the money, and more the fact that most other places wouldn't be willing to hire me. But who cares, this job is better because I can actually be myself at work here. Well that and my boss, Meenah, has a huge crush on me so if I asked for a raise or day off or anything really, she'd probably just give it to me. Not saying that I'd use her or anything but if I needed something I know she'd be more than ready to help me out. On top of that, she's fun to hang out with. But she's not really my type and she knows that since I've told her at least 20 times. So it's not my fault if she still harbors affections for me and gives me special treatment. Nothing I can do about her being batshit crazy, obsessive, and lovesick over someone who just doesn't bat for her team.

Anyway, I went through my morning routine same as always. Get up. Partially tame my hair so it's the right amount of messy. Throw on a button up shirt (the red one was my victim today), dress slacks, shoes, and a belt. Then head out the door. The drive to work was as short as always and I wound up being early once more. I got there as Meenah was unlocking the doors actually, which made me check my clock with a fair amount of concern. It was seriously six fucking thirty a.m.? A whole hour and a half early? And then it dawned on me. Fucking daylight savings time. I set my alarm and didn't set my clock back an hour. I was officially pissed off for the day. What a good way to get my fire started this morning. "Well fuck." I mumbled to myself. "Might as well help her set up since I'm here." I then proceeded to get out of my car, accidentally slam the door, and make my way over to my boss.

"Mornin Kitkat, you come in early just to see lil ol me?" Her sharp toothed grin made me want to fucking cringe right now. But it was too late to turn around and just go back home for an hour.

"No. I forgot to set my fucking clock." I quipped, walking past her and right on inside. She followed me of course.

"You're clownin me right? I reminded you like five hundred times yestaday."

"Well I clearly didn't get the fucking message like the goddamn earless bunghole muncher that I am."

"Clam it Kat. No worries. 'S cool that you're here early anyways. Leijon called out today so I needed an opener."

"Why do you still call her that? You know Nep's been married to Equius for like a year now."

"Old habits die hard." She shrugged and disappeared into the back to go lock her purse away in the office. I turned on all the lights and quickly went to re-lock the doors so no customers would try to come in half an hour before we're officially opened. Because fuck them if they think I'm going to be doing any more extra work for their early asses.

I'm going to skip over the majority of the morning now because honestly nothing interesting ever happens at that place before noon. To summarize: I set up. Meenah bugged the shit out of me the whole time and barely helped. Our hostess Vriska showed up, towing along our chef Tavros because his car's been shitty lately. Not long after that all the other servers for the day came in; Sollux, Terezi, and Gamzee. We opened. Had a slow breakfast as usual since we were more of a Lunch/Dinner establishment. Then things started to pick up. Averaging at about eight tables per server filled at a time by noon. That's when shit got interesting.

I was doing just fine with all my tables, usual, routine even. A few returning customers and regulars. Nothing special yet. Then Vris just had to fucking do me in. I already had at least two more tables than all the other servers when she decided to put these two blonde motherfuckers in my section, which left mine filled now. This was not gonna fucking happen today.

"Vris, not to be fucking rude or anything," I scoffed. "But do you have to put these asshats here? There's plenty of other sections that aren't filled beyond comfortable capacity."

"Sorry. No can do Karks. These boys asked for the rudest guy in the house and that's obviously you. Especially today since you've clearly got a stick up your ass. Or I guess a lack of a stick up your ass, since you'd like that sort of thing." She placed her clawed- i mean manicured- hand on my shoulder and I quickly batted it away with a sneer.

"Oh fucking bite me, ugh…. Fine, whatever. But you fucking owe me, spiderbitch. I'll be back in a damn minute to get to you guys, but until then keep your asses put."

"Yes sir." The shorter blonde said, smirking and faking a salute. Oh jesus fucking fuck this was going to be a headache. As I walked away I heard the guy and his friend snickering about his antics. Maybe not friend, maybe brothers? They looked fucking similar, ok.

I then tried to get Gamzee to take that table since his section was right next to mine and he already had two less filled than I did. Plus he owed me a solid anyway. But his fucking juggalo ass just laughed at me, slapped my shoulder, and gave me a "Sorry brother, that's not my motherfucking section." Well. I was completely and totally booked. Time to work my ass off.

In an attempt to piss the blonds off and make them leave, I went to every single one of my other tables before I even bothered to come back around and give them their menus. "You two are still fucking here?" I quipped, sneering almost because I really didn't like them at the moment.

"Well you told us to keep our asses put. Just following orders, sir." The same shorter blonde smirked again. Smartass clearly.

"What are you? A child? You don't have to fucking listen to me, I'm not your dad."

"Aw really? I was so looking forward to calling you _daddy_." I couldn't help but stop dead in my tracks and blush for a second. This guy was really flirting with me? What the fuck? Was he really paying that close attention to the gay jab Vris gave me earlier? Fuck it, whatever, back to being rude to him. He's just a regular customer after all.

"J-just shut the fuck up and order something already." Smooth. Real smooth. Oh great. He's grinning like he just won a prize or some shit. His friend/brother just sitting there, eyebrows raised and watching the whole thing in amusement.

"Alright, alright. You can just call _me_ daddy instead then, no worries baby boy." And that is when all the blood in my body went to my face and … other places just a little. I had to make this PG 13 again at the very least.

"Nope. No. Fuck no. You're going to call me Karkat, because that's my fucking name. And I'll call you fuckface unless you want to tell me your name. Deal?"

"Shit, well that's no fun. But if you insist, name's Dave and this is my brother Dirk." And with that 'Dave' tipped down his sunglasses and fucking winked at me. I decided then that I would do everything in my power to keep this asshole from getting to me even with those marvelous eyes that were- were they like a chocolate brown? It was too quick for me to catch the color clearly but they were really nice.

"Stupid question, but, why the fuck are you wearing sunglasses inside? Both of you? If those even count as sunglasses." I asked, pointing to the triangle shades.

"Light sensitivity and style." Dirk shrugged.

"Okay, well …. On that note, what the fuck are you guys gonna order? I do have other tables y'know."

"Calm down tiny Satan. Do you have apple juice?" Dave asked, having not even touched the menu yet.

"I don't know, Dave, why don't you pick up the fucking menu and look under the section labeled 'Drinks' and tell me if we have any fucking apple juice? Also tiny Satan? Really?"

"Shit, Kitkat, calm down. It's just a joke since you're such a hot-head like the devil." He picked up the menu in front of him and started scanning it with a hint of a smirk. I already hated this guy.

"It's Karkat, you asswipe. We're not friends, don't fucking make up nicknames for me. And you asked to be seated with the rudest server so you shouldn't be surprised that I'm hot-headed and fucking rude like 'Satan', as if he even exists." I scoffed.

"I'll take an orange soda." Dirk chimed in.

"Thank you for being the least difficult prick here. Orange soda, simple. And you? Or do you need to re-learn how to read?"

"Oh fuck, yes."

"I fucking thought so-" I rolled my eyes.

"Spiked apple cider. Bring me two of those shits." He was practically bouncing in his seat.

"I need to see your I.D. then, idiot." Dave mocked me in a high pitched voice as he pulled out a photo I.D. from his wallet and handed it over. "There's no fucking way you're twenty-four. You look like a goddamn highschooler."

"Well it's legit. So If I could get that back before you drool all over it, that'd be great. And bring me that cider too." He left his hand out expectantly. I tossed the card back at him and it landed on the table. I then turned and just walked the fuck away because I had other tables to get to and this shit was getting ridiculous.

I put the drink orders in, went around to deliver shit to my other tables and check on them, and then brought the blonde pricks their drinks. Dave immediately, and wordlessly, slid his drink closer to himself and drank it like he hadn't drank anything in a fucking month.

"Holy motherfucking shit that's good. Kitkat, you really delivered on this shit. Thank you Satan." He swooned, never looking away from his glass.

"... You really are in love with that shit, aren't you? Oh, and I didn't fucking make it. The bartender did."

"I want a whole gallon of this shit to take home."

"Well fucking thankfully, we don't sell gallons of alcohol. Are you dipshits ready to order food yet or should I come back later when Dave isn't making out with his glass?" Dirk chuckled under his breath at that and for a brief moment I felt some small victory.

"I am not- … whatever. Yeah, we're ready to order." Dave muttered. He picked up his menu and pointed to something while sipping his drink defensively.

"Oh, so you can't actually read? You literally have to point at things. Oh my god. That's fucking adorable." I busted up laughing at that point.

"I can fucking read. This apple cider is just that fucking perfect that I don't want to stop drinking it, you asswipe."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll put in the order for it if you can actually tell me what it is."

"Dude, really? What if you had a deaf person come in here?"

"We have a couple guys that knows ASL, they'd be seated in one of their sections, not mine. Now just tell me what the fuck you want."

"I'll take the katsu burger." Dirk chimed in.

"Again, thank you for not being as much of a dick as your brother. Did you want seasoned fries or regular, fuckface?"

"Seasoned is fine."

"Ok, and now for the big baby, just tell me what the fuck you want."

"What's the spiciest thing that you've got here anyway?" Dave asked, now scanning the menu as if he was just seeing it for the first time. I hated it when customers did that shit and said they were ready when they really weren't.

"I don't fucking know, probably anything that says jalapeno in the title or in the description, dumbass." I snarked.

"C'mon Hades, that can't be the spiciest you've got. Jalapenos? Really? That's some mild shit for you to serve here in hell. I'm looking for fire." I groaned and he scanned the menu for another few seconds before smirking with a grin that made me wonder if I should be afraid of what he was about to say. So before he could say anything I jumped in.

"Find something you want yet? You're not the only douches I have to serve tonight. We're very fucking busy."

"Oh, I know what I want now, dear Lucifer." He waggled his eyebrows and I was totally fucking lost on whatever he was trying to say.

"Ok, are you going to tell me or just keep staring at me like a fucking idiot?"

"Isn't it obvious? I want that Devil's Dick sausage dinner. Make sure it's extra juicy too." He winked at me for the second time that night and I literally almost stormed right the fuck out of there. This was NOT happening. I refused to be swooned by that idiot. But apparently my cheeks had other ideas since they were getting hot and probably looked red as fuck.

"I- What- Did you really just make that fucking joke? That was lame as hell." I tried to cover.

"If it was so fucking lame then why are you blushing like a schoolgirl? Huh, kitkat?"

"I'm not. It's just fucking warm in here….." Nobody was going to buy that shit, even I knew it. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Ok so, one Devil's Dick and one katsu burger. I'll have that out whenever the fuck it's ready. Need any more drinks in the meantime?"

"I could use another cider, darlin'." Came the southern twang from Dave's lips. I normally hated southern accents but on this asshole it was somehow attractive. Fuck him and his ability to fuck with my brain.

My first task was to drop off another cider at their table so that I could avoid them for a bit after that. However, it didn't take long for me to make my rounds, close a few checks, and get back to them. It appeared that Dave was two ciders tipsy and just starting on the third. This could only get better or worse for me. Before I could set food down or say anything I got verbally slapped by the asshole.

"Yo karks, wasssup my boi, I need about three more ciders up in this bitch and you need to sit your fine ass down and share this dick with me." He was slurring just a little and it instantly clicked that he was either a lightweight or he at least had some liquid courage in his system. I stopped at the edge of the table, plates in hand, and just looked at him for a moment.

"Nope. You're getting cut off for a while. I can bring you virgin ciders but your ass is not getting any more apple vodka unless you sober up some. Also i'm fucking working, dumbass. I can't just stop and fucking sit down with you because you suggested it." I set the plates down in front of them and turned around only to nearly come nose to nose with Meenah.

"Actually, ya can. Your shift is just about over Karks. I got Cro to come in and cover the later shift since Leijon called out and you took her spot for me. Indulge these fine fellas and clam down some. I'll take care-a your tables for a few." Meenah said with a shit eating grin on her face. Why did things like this always happen to me. She slapped me on the shoulder, turned me around, pulled the string on my apron and made off with it before I could even protest. "See ya tomorrow kiddo." Then she fucking winked at me and shooed me towards the blondes. I flipped her off behind my back. What the actual fuck was going on? As she disappeared, I heard a whooping from a voice that could only have been Serket's. What kind of deal did she have with these blonde assholes that left me at their mercy?

"So it looks like you've totally got the time to sit your ass down and share this dick with me. Also,your boss is chill as fuck." Dave grinned.

"I am NOT eating that. I don't do spicy shit. But …..I'm gonna go grab a drink and get us a free appetizer I guess." I sighed and spun on my heel to go get some things from the kitchen. Apparently I was having lunch with these two dickheads.

I made my way into the back and passed Vriska on the way so I sneered at her. Then when I walked through the door to the back of house I found Meenah and Gamzee laughing their asses off about something that was apparently the funniest joke of the century.

"What's so fucking funny?" I sneered. "Also what the hell was that about? I don't want to sit with those two fucking pricks! But now i'm fucking forced to? What the shit Meenah."

"Karkles, honey, you'll thank me later for this. Trust me."

"I will fucking not. And you're giving them a free appetizer. And I get to keep whatever tips my tables leave, not you and certainly not Cronus."

"Done and done." She stared at me a moment. "Kat. You're fine. I talked with them a little while you were making your rounds and willing away your blush. They're shella chill. I think it'd be good for you to try this out. And if it doesn't go well ya could at least make a frond outside of work."

"What the fuck is THAT supposed to mean?" I snapped. That's when Gamzee butted in.

"Motherfucker, chill. Get your calm on bro. All she's sayin is that it might help to all up an broaden your circle of buds. We're still best bros, yeah? And as your best bro I went an chatted with them too. Blondie's got a motherfuckin thing for you, a good kinda thing, an it could go somewhere if you just hang with him a while. He seems like your type. I would know since I'm your motherfuckin best friend."

"Gamzee? What the fuck? You too? Don't I get a say in any of this? Also what the hell exactly is 'my type' to you?"

"You an I both know you got a motherfuckin thing for twig boys, or whatever ya call 'em." Gamzee chuckled after the comment. I mentally slapped myself for ever talking to him about that sort of thing.

"Now get your homo-sexy ass back out there and take a chill pill." Meenah encouraged.

"Ok but I'm not giving him my number. Cause if this shit doesn't go well then I never want to see his ugly ass again and he's going on the block list for the restaurant. I'm not here to make friends. Got it?"

"Sure, Karks. Whatever ya say." Meenah smirked, walking away and probably rolling her eyes like she usually does.

I grumbled and grabbed a sampler platter on my way out. Then I grabbed a drink from the bar, Roxy already knowing what I wanted as soon as she saw me walking her way and having it ready for me. I went back to the cursed Booth of Blonde, ready to have my ears assaulted with stupid. Again, I was surprised instead.

"So, you didn't just slip out the back? Dirk, you owe me $20."

"You seriously fucking bet on whether or not I'd come back?" I sighed. "Maybe I should have just left when I had the chance." I grumbled.

"Hey hey, no thinking like that. You're gonna have a grand ol time hanging out with us Striders." Dave said smoothly, his slurring mostly gone. So he'd faked being drunk to cause attention. Awesome. That's probably why Meenah overheard that conversation. Sly little bastard.

"Striders? Is that like an idiotic secret group name or some fuckery?" I asked, eyebrow raised skeptically while I grabbed my drink.

Dirk chuckled. "As simultaneously cool and lame as that would be, no. It's our last name, as you probably might've seen from I.D.-ing my bro here."

"You're fucking joking right? Like hell I'd pay _that_ much attention to the names of my customers."

"Chill bro. You're off the clock. No need to be so defensive and wound up." Dirk said, sounding actually concerned.

"Off the clock or not, I'm always like this. Why do you think they put you in my section? I'm the rudest asshole because it comes naturally. I don't have to put on an act to work here." I sneered, a little proud actually that I was considered the best server by the restaurant's standards.

"Well Dave, you really know how to pick 'em." The seemingly older blonde smirked. Dave seemed to give no response.

"Ohmygod, just shut the fuck up and eat your Katsu." The two exchanged a glance but I had no clue what it meant. "You can tell me to leave whenever you want by the way. I'd be more than happy to get the fuck out of here if you get sick of me."

"Dude, that was transparent as hell. Also, if you didn't want to be here then you wouldn't be. You're a grown ass adult. No one is forcing you to stay here, despite what your boss says. So you must wanna chill with us at least on some level." Dave pointed out. I was starting to learn that I didn't like it when he was right.

"Fine. Yeah. So I guess we all sit around and play 20 questions now until we're too drunk to remember the others answers?"

"Well we already know where you work so that's a question out. We both DJ at a club downtown. Sometimes as a team and sometimes as solos."

"Let me get this straight, you've been raised together all your life and you had such bad separation anxiety that you decided you needed to work together?"

"Nah man. We just had similar interests and we made some sick beats together at this party so we got hired together. The rest is sorta history. Also we weren't raised together." Something about the way he said that last bit told me not to press the issue for more details. Dave was doing all the talking now. Dirk becoming more invisible in my peripheral.

"Please tell me at least one of you has a fucking day job because that shit cannot pay all your bills."

"That's pretty true. I've got a nice gig down at the radio station playing pre-approved tracks all day and basically being a disc-jockey."

"So music then. That's probably your calling or some shit, isn't it?" I mentally slapped myself for practically pulling a line out of one of my guilty pleasure rom-com movies and tossing in a curse word to make it my own.

"Yeah, pretty much. It's what I've always enjoyed and been good at." He started to smile what seemed like a genuine smile.

Dirk coughed a little and brought my attention back to him. That's when I realized I'd scooted fairly close to Dave and had been facing him. Also that we'd been ignoring our food and that Dirk was practically done with his. "Are you two done enough with your stereotypical first date chit-chat to eat your food? Dave, you know damn well I'm not going to pay for your shit if you don't even fucking touch it." He glared at the both of us and I had no idea how to fucking react. What do you do when your not-a-date-customer's brother calls out said not-a-date-customer in front of you?

"Shit sorry bro. Didn't mean to leave you out. No worries, I'll make sure to polish this off if it means I get it for free." Dave conceded. A slightly awkward silence settled over the table after that, so I resorted to picking up my drink and downing it. Maybe getting a little bit of a buzz would help me come up with a way to stop being so fucking awkward.

"Sure." Dirk got up a second later, slapped some bills on the table, and started to walk off mumbling something about having a call to make.

"I .. uh. Did I get you in trouble or something there? What the fuck just happened?" I asked, confused by Dirk's attitude.

"Nah. He's just gonna go call his buddy Jake. Does it all the time. Don't think too much into it. They're usually on the phone for hours at a time." Dave shook his head, taking another bite of the spicy dick sausage.

"So you said you don't like spicy shit huh?" He changed the subject.

"I've got more of a sweet tooth and an acid tongue. Or so I've been told." I admitted.

"So even sugar can't make you any sweeter, huh?" He snickered.

"Not in my fucking experience at least." I wanted to play along. For whatever reason I felt drawn in. Then I remembered how this all started. "So do you usually use crude humor to flirt with random waiters at restaurants or is it just me?"

"Don't get me wrong I love crude humor. But the flirting doesn't happen often. And hardly ever this successfully, if you don't mind me saying. That is assuming that I can be bold enough to ask for your number and you swooned enough to release those digits to me; ultimately giving me permission to contact you again and maybe go on a real date where you're not at work and I'm not with my bro." Dave seemed hopeful and as I thought about never seeing the jerk again I found myself getting out a pen and grabbing a napkin.

"Don't take this as an o.k. to call me at ungodly hours of the fucking night or assume that it's a guaranteed date. It's not. I'd just like to hang out sometime, maybe when I'm not in prissy ass work clothes and socially obligated to stay longer than I intended to. I don't date strangers and I won't be making exceptions to that rule now." I sighed and held onto the napkin, waiting for his response before I handed that shit over.

"Dude yeah. Of course. I'm not a desperate little girl or anything. Bro code standard. I won't call or text for at least three days. Promise."

"Alright, Strider. Then I'm fucking trusting you here. Also I don't give a fuck about your bro code standard. Text whenever and I'll get back to you when I can. Can't say the same for calls though, so don't clog my goddamn voicemail if you can manage not to. " I handed the napkin over to him and got up without a word.


	2. Chapter 2

Dave P.O.V.

It was going to just be another regular day off from work at the station. Which meant I was going to sit around and do absolutely nothing until it was time to go throw down some sick beats with my bro on one of our duet nights. I flipped through the channels on the tv but honestly nothing was catching my attention, per usual. Every single thing to watch anymore had the same basic tropes, regardless of the genre. I finally found the will to get the hell up off of the couch and go shower and get dressed like a fully functional adult. An hour later I found myself back on the couch however, scrolling through social media on my phone and just waiting for something interesting to happen.

To my luck, something interesting happened.

My bro shot me a text asking if I was at the station today or not and if I wanted to go get food before our gig tonight.

TT: Broseph, please tell me that you are just as bored and starving as I am and not at work right now.

TG: affirmative

TT: Thank fuck. English still hasn't been answering me and it's driving me literally so far up the metaphorical wall that I may have in the process constructed the universe's tallest fucking building just to have more wall to climb. I need something to distract me from all that shit and, quite frankly, throwing myself into my side projects just is not doing the trick.

TG: so you're saying i'm a good distraction

TG: i have never been more honored in my life than i am right now

TG: knowing that when all else fails then you turn to me because i am simply the greatest non-romantic distraction in your life

TG: what are little brothers for

TT: Are you done?

TG: yeah

TG: where did you wanna meet up this time

TT: Well I wasn't in the mood for being excessively polite today so I found this place where the staff is supposed to be rude? Same place that Rose and Kanaya went last week when they started raving about that waiter who's, and I quote "totally made for you, Dave". I thought that might be right up your alley since you love to piss people off.

TG: ok

TG: first of all, rude

TG: i do not love to piss people off

TG: i just like the reactions they give when they're pissed off

TG: regardless of who pisses them off

TG: so piss off

TG: piss

TT: Was there a second of all coming along with that or should I assume that's all there was to that spiel?

TG: second of all

TG: the place sounds great

TG: what time do you wanna meet up

TT: Three sound good?

TG: dude

TG: thats like a forever from now

TG: I'm offended

TG: i've been lied to

TG: you clearly aren't as starving as you claimed to be

TT: Dave. Have you checked the time recently?

TG: no

TG: …..

TG: oh.

TT: Yeah, it's fucking 2:10 already.

TG: ssssshhhhhh

TG: this didn't happen

TG: I am very aware of time and my surroundings

TG: obviously

TG: since i am a responsible adult

TT: Yeah, you're a responsible adult and I'm not crushing on my best friend. Now we're both liars.

TT: Just be ready by 2:45 I'll pick you up on the way.

TG: it's a date ;)

TT: No. Stop.

Aaand just like that I had plans. Now the only thing I had to figure out from there is what to do with the half hour I had to wait until those plans could be put into action. I decided to sketch out some designs for the next tattoo I wanted to get. A man had to have hobbies, right? And when you can get discounted tattoos because your cousin is goddamn amazing with ink, why not?

In what felt like 10 minutes later I had a few little designs scattered across the page. Some of them were little birds because I happened to be good at drawing them so they frequented my sketches. Some of my other designs included various skulls of random animals, varying from realistic to sugar skull styles. I jumped a little when my phone went off again, only to realize it had been a full half hour and not just 10 minutes. Dirk was apparently outside and waiting on me. I tossed my sketchbook down on the coffee table, slipped my shoes on, grabbed my keys,wallet, etc. and headed out.

The drive was short and the place looked nice enough. "Hit the Deck" was plastered across the front of the building in a loopy but legible cursive. I wondered if they specialized in seafood but figured that it wouldn't matter much either way. As we walked in Dirk's phone pinged with a text from Rose. He glanced at it before dismissing it. I looked at him with the silent message of 'what did she say'. He blatantly ignored me and walked up to the hostess. She had long navy hair and a deep blue lipstick to match.

"Sup bitches. Just the two of you?" She asked, looking over her seating chart. Before I could even speak Dirk slipped her a bill (how much I didn't know) and whispered something to her. She nodded and started to laugh some. "Alright boys, follow me. I know exactly where to put you."

By this point I was very confused but I followed her and Dirk nonetheless. Before we could actually get seated we were stopped by a server in a deep red shirt with ear-length shaggy black hair. Not gonna lie, the dude was hot.

"Vris, not to be fucking rude or anything, but do you have to put these asshats here? There's plenty of other sections that aren't filled beyond comfortable capacity." He sneered, apparently not happy that we were going to be in 'his section'.

Our hostess handled it ever so perfectly though. "Sorry. No can do Karks. These boys asked for the rudest guy in the house and that's obviously you. Especially today since you've clearly got a stick up your ass. Or I guess a lack of a stick up your ass, since you'd like that sort of thing." I was doing my best not to laugh at that but it was too fucking priceless. I wound up grinning and snickering, trying to keep my cool and not get slapped.

"Oh fucking bite me, ugh…. Fine, whatever. But you fucking owe me, spiderbitch. I'll be back in a damn minute to get to you guys, but until then keep your asses put." The guy snapped.

"Yes sir." I saluted him in a mocking sort of way and kept grinning/snickering. Today was going to be so much fucking fun. I sat down and subconsciously stared at our waiter as he walked away. Damn did he have a nice ass.

Dirk cleared his throat and brought my attention back to him. I looked at him with a mental 'what'. He verbally responded with "So Rose texted."

"Yeah, ok. What did she want?"

"Exactly this." he smirked.

"Not sure what you're getting at here."

"She had me bribe the hostess to get that server."

"What? Are you joking? Is this related to her thinking that she can predict my soulmate and shit? That's a bunch of crap dude and we both know it. Rose may be smart but she can't predict the future. Nor can she tell me who would be my type and who wouldn't be."

"Well to be fair, you _were_ staring."

"No I wasn't." I defended a little too quickly. He gave me a look that called my bluff and I rolled my eyes behind my shades. We sat in silence for another moment before realizing the place really was kinda slammed and it might be a while before the waiter came back.

"So, ….. Wanna make a bet?" Dirk asked me flatly.

"What's the bet?"

"You've gotta flirt with this guy. Every time you drop a line that works, I owe you five bucks, every time you drop one that doesn't you owe me. If you get him blushing I'll give you ten bucks. If he smacks you or flat out rejects you, you owe me ten. Sound fair?"

"Dude really? That is NOT gonna go over well if-"

"If what? If you wind up dating? David Strider, I thought you said he wasn't your type?" He teased, leaning forward in his seat with his fingers tented like a goddamn douche.

"He's not. But- …. shit. Ok…. You're an asshole and Rose might be onto something. He is kinda hot. But I don't wanna flirt with people based on a bet. That could get ugly real fast down the line and you know it."

"Ok. Fine. I see your point. So how about this: If you manage to get his number and two dates with him, the bet is off and all funds will be returned. Deal?"

"Man I don't know…."

"Fine, I'll take mercy on you with this one. We'll keep a tally and if you manage to just get his number then nobody pays anything to each other. Sound better?"

"Much."

"Deal?"

"Not quite."

"What is it now?"

"If I get his number, not only is that bet off, but you have to invite Jake to the club tonight."

"Fine. Whatever. Deal."

And we fist bumped to seal the deal.

I checked my phone for a moment and then put it away, deciding it would be best to start thinking up some useful lines.

"You two are still fucking here?" Came the voice of the waiter as he approached us once more, this time with menus.

I grinned wide. "Well you told us to keep our asses put. Just following orders, sir."

"What are you? A child? You don't have to fucking listen to me, I'm not your dad." And just like that my brain took the opportunity presented.

"Aw really? I was so looking forward to calling you _daddy_." I smirked this time, full out. That definitely threw him off track and I could've swore I saw the faintest tint of a blush on his cheeks. Damn, kinky waiter boy is cute when he's flustered.

"J-just shut the fuck up and order something already." He stammered. I glanced at Dirk and he was raising his brows at me, apparently either impressed or stunned by the fact that I had indeed just said that with full confidence.

"Alright, alright. You can just call _me_ daddy instead then, no worries baby boy." And damn did that make his cheeks light the fuck up with red.

"Nope. No. Fuck no. You're going to call me Karkat, because that's my fucking name. And I'll call you fuckface unless you want to tell me your name. Deal?"

"Shit, well that's no fun. But if you insist, name's Dave and this is my brother Dirk." I went ahead and tipped my frames down and winked at him, just for effect. He didn't seem to react to that much other than just flat out staring for a minute.

"Stupid question, but, why the fuck are you wearing sunglasses inside? Both of you? If those even count as sunglasses." That was not at all what I was expecting kitkat to say.

"Light sensitivity and style." Dirk shrugged, saving me from having to answer.

"Okay, well …. On that note, what the fuck are you guys gonna order? I do have other tables y'know." He huffed, putting a hand on his hip like an impatient middle aged woman. Y'know like if that woman was kinda hot in a weird annoying way. Like Stacy's Mom or some know, from that Fountains of Wayne song.

"Calm down tiny Satan. Do you have apple juice?" I asked, already knowing what I wanted without needing to look at the menu.

"I don't know, Dave, why don't you pick up the fucking menu and look under the section labeled 'Drinks' and tell me if we have any fucking apple juice? Also tiny Satan? Really?" Stacy's mom was sassy apparently.

"Shit, Kitkat, calm down. It's just a joke since you're such a hot-head like the devil." I gave in and checked the stupid menu since he clearly wasn't going to be cooperating with me and my aj request. I kept smirking though because it was fun to have nearly everything I say get under his skin someway or another.

"It's Karkat, you asswipe. We're not friends, don't fucking make up nicknames for me. And you asked to be seated with the rudest server so you shouldn't be surprised that I'm hot-headed and fucking rude, like 'Satan', as if he even exists."

"I'll take an orange soda." Dirk chimed in, once again saving the situation from any more weirdness or whatever.

"Thank you for being the least difficult prick here. Orange soda, simple. And you? Or do you need to re-learn how to read?" Of course right when he asked had to be when I hit the jackpot.

"Oh fuck, yes." Oh fucking hell motherfucking fuck yes. I was beyond elated. They had the fucking good shit.

"I fucking thought so-" He started before I cut him off. Because fuck him for thinking that was my response to whatever he'd been asking me.

"Spiked apple cider. Bring me two of those shits." Today was definitely going to be a good day with that shit. Good thing Dirk had already agreed to be the driver.

"I need to see your I.D. then, idiot." How dare he. I decided to mock him in a high pitched voice as I had to wiggle around to reach my wallet in my back pocket. I then handed him the stupid I.D. card. "There's no fucking way you're twenty-four. You look like a goddamn highschooler." Fuck, thanks for the complement. Did you really think some underaged idiot would flirt with your ass?

"Well it's legit. So If I could get that back before you drool all over it, that'd be great. And bring me that cider too." I quipped, leaving my hand out to recieve my card back. Then the prick fucking threw it straight at my face and walked away.

Dirk and I exchanged a look and I put my shit back in my pockets.

"What?" I asked when it became apparent that he was staring at me.

"I've learned more about you and your kinks today than I ever wanted to know, dude." He seemed a little annoyed and maybe a little weirded out, but mostly unfazed by whatever it was.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"All that 'daddy' shit. Bro. Come on."

"Ok, in my defense, it was a convenient line to pull right then."

"Are you trying to say that it isn't a direct reflection on what you're genuinely into in that context? That it was just the first thing on your mind somehow by miraculous coincidence and not because that is in fact one of your kinks? Because you know you're a shit liar, right?"

"... We are not going to talk about this right now."

"How about we don't talk about it ever? Cause I really don't want to talk about your daddy issues with Broderick."

"I don't-" I started to defend before I was cut off. Some other guy had wandered up to our table in a deep purple shirt. He honestly looked like one of the guys from Kiss without the make up.

"What's up motherfuckers?" The guy crooned, voice raspy as all hell.

"Sup." I responded casually.

"Y'all are all up an motherfuckin in for a treat today since y'all got put in my damn best friend's section."

"Best friend? You mean Kitkat?"

"Whoa, I never even thought a fuckin callin him that. Haha you are one fuckin miraculous motherfucker." The guy seemed to be on more drugs than Britney Spears.

"Uh, thanks."

"So what do you all up an think of my favorite lil motherfucker so far?"

I shrugged some. "I dunno. He's chill I guess. Easy to agitate and it's fuckin hilarious when he gets really into the argument only to get cornered. Dude's a goddamn riot. He's like a toddler and an anger management patient all rolled up into one hella uptight adult with a lack of a stick up his ass when he wants one there, or some shit."

"Yeah, that's him alright. Always wanting shit all up his ass and shit. Well I've got some bullshit to take care of and some ASSWIPES to attend to." He yelled, apparently trying to antagonize his own table from here. Then he walked away as if nothing had happened. Dirk gave me a look that screamed 'who the fuck was that and why was he talking to us.' and honestly, I was thinking the same thing. It wasn't long before redshirt mcshorty came back from wherever the fuck he'd been.

Karkat set our respective drinks on the table and I immediately honed in on it, sliding it over to myself and guzzling that golden perfection. "Holy motherfucking shit that's good. Kitkat, you really delivered on this shit. Thank you Satan." I stated while staring down into the glass.

"... You really are in love with that shit, aren't you? Oh, and I didn't fucking make it. The bartender did." He started to point in the direction of the bar, but I refused to follow the line of sight. Too busy drinking heaven in a cup.

"I want a whole gallon of this shit to take home."

"Well fucking thankfully, we don't sell gallons of alcohol. Are you dipshits ready to order food yet or should I come back later when Dave isn't making out with his glass?" Dirk snickered at that and I shot him a glare. Apparently the tables had turned on me somehow.

"I am not- … whatever. Yeah, we're ready to order." I picked up the menu and pointed at some random thing while sipping my drink because suddenly I wasn't in the mood to open my mouth and be the punchline of a joke. Call me childish, but I didn't like it when I was cornered.

"Oh, so you can't actually read? You literally have to point at things. Oh my god. That's fucking adorable." He busted up laughing and my mood only soured.

"I can fucking read. This apple cider is just that fucking perfect that I don't want to stop drinking it, you asswipe."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll put in the order for it if you can actually tell me what it is."

"Dude, really? What if you had a deaf person come in here?"

"We have a couple guys that knows ASL, they'd be seated in one of their sections, not mine. Now just tell me what the fuck you want." Shit. Cornered.

"I'll take the katsu burger." Dirk chimed in, clearly amused by all this bull-fuckery happening right in front of him.

"Again, thank you for not being as much of a dick as your brother. Did you want seasoned fries or regular, fuckface?"

"Seasoned is fine."

"Ok, and now for the big baby, just tell me what the fuck you want."

"What's the spiciest thing that you've got here anyway?" I asked, looking over the menu and actually reading the names of things for the first time since we'd been here.

"I don't fucking know, probably anything that says jalapeno in the title or in the description, dumbass." He seemed pretty done with me by now. I would probably be going home without any digits tonight.

"C'mon Hades, that can't be the spiciest you've got. Jalapenos? Really? That's some mild shit for you to serve here in hell. I'm looking for fire." Our waiter sighed angrily and I kept scanning, trying to hurry. I spotted the perfect thing to flip the tables again, another goddamn gold pun. I grinned wide and looked up at him, making direct eye contact.

"Find something you want yet? You're not the only douches I have to serve tonight. We're very fucking busy."

"Oh, I know what I want now, dear Lucifer." I wiggled my eyebrows at him, and if he knew shit about his menu he probably had a good idea of where this was going.

"Ok, are you going to tell me or just keep staring at me like a fucking idiot?"

"Isn't it obvious? I want that Devil's Dick sausage dinner. Make sure it's extra juicy too." I winked at him again and did my best to keep the sly grin on my face without cracking up at my own wit. He was blushing too so apparently I'd done something right here.

"I- What- Did you really just make that fucking joke? That was lame as hell."

"If it was so fucking lame then why are you blushing like a schoolgirl? Huh, kitkat?" I countered, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I'm not. It's just fucking warm in here….." It was clear even he wasn't buying that crap. "Ok so, one Devil's Dick and one katsu burger. I'll have that out whenever the fuck it's ready. Need any more drinks in the meantime?" Wow, the dude was being actually nice, like a regular server. Did I throw him off that much? Probably. Was I enjoying every minute of it? Definitely.

"I could use another cider, darlin'." I let my accent slip some, eying him again. He disappeared after that and came back almost immediately with another cider and not a damn thing to say.

"Dude, if you keep this up and don't get this guy's number I am going to owe you so much fucking money." Dirk sighed before sipping from his soda again. Apparently he'd been serious about keeping a mental tally on the points.

"That sounds like something that isn't my problem. What can I say, I'm a natural." I rolled my eyes at him, just a little bit smug, and kept drinking my cider. I wasn't exactly a heavyweight but I wasn't a lightweight either. So I was starting to fall somewhere between full alertness and a tad bit tipsy.

That's when some chick came around to our table out of nowhere, go figure. "Sup guppies, name's Meenah. I own the place. How ya doin? Staff treatin' you right? Bein' mean enough an everyfin? I'm sure. So, is it ya first time here boys?" She asked, bypassing our answers for almost everything she'd asked.

"Uh, yeah. But we have some friends who've been here before." Dirk jumped in and explained.

"Nice. Nice to know people listen when ya say 'tell ya friends about us'. Hah. So anyways, lemme know if you need anyfin. I'll be around a course." She said before waving her pink nails at us and turning to sashay away. I looked at Dirk who was watching the owner walk away. As soon as she was out of earshot he refocused on me.

"Ok quick, another bet on top of this, double the cash if it works and I'll even pay the goddamn bill tonight."

"I'm listening."

"You've gotta pretend to be totally fucking wasted and manage to get Karkat to sit down with us. He doesn't have to eat anything or do anything else. Just sit. And you can't forcibly drag him either."

"And if I don't manage all that?"

"We'll probably get kicked out…..and/or you'll have to pay the bill."

I thought it over for a moment before shrugging in agreement. "Alright, sounds fair."

We fist bumped on the deal again and waited a few more moments before I spotted Karkat heading out the door with what looked like our food. As soon as I was sure he was headed to our table I put on my best fake-drunk-act that I could muster.

"Yo karks, wasssup my boi, I need about three more ciders up in this bitch and you need to sit your fine ass down and share this dick with me." I hollered. He stopped at the table and stared me down for a hot minute.

"Nope. You're getting cut off for a while. I can bring you virgin ciders but your ass is not getting any more apple vodka unless you sober up some. Also i'm fucking working, dumbass. I can't just stop and fucking sit down with you because you suggested it." He seethed. My inner conscious was rolling it's eyes with a 'gee thanks bro. Not only have i sacrificed my chances of getting a date, but now I can't get any more booze.' Then just when I thought it was all over, the powers that be sent me some mercy.

"Actually, ya can. Your shift is just about over Karks. I got Cro to come in and cover the later shift since Leijon called out and you took her spot for me. Indulge these fine fellas and clam down some. I'll take care-a your tables for a few." Said the restaurant owner who seemed to totally pop out of nowhere just like before. Then she spun our waiter around and pulled off his apron. "See ya tomorrow kiddo." There was a whooping from the hostess who seated us and I swear Karkat looked like he was about to fucking explode.

"So it looks like you've totally got the time to sit your ass down and share this dick with me. Also,your boss is chill as fuck." I beamed.

"I am NOT eating that. I don't do spicy shit. But …..I'm gonna go grab a drink and get us a free appetizer I guess." Then he left.

"I'll bet you an even $20 he slipped the fuck out the back and ditched us because we've caused him so much bullshit tonight." Dirk said as soon as he was gone.

"Dude, really? What's with the gambler's gambit tonight. You got a habit you're trying to break or something?"

"Nah, just seeing how much cash we can ring up on this imaginary count just in case you don't get this guy's number."

"Are you short on a bill or something? Jesus H. Christ. Chill man."

"Nah, I'm just hoping to take English on a nice date soon to make up for whatever it is that I did that made him stop responding to my idiot ass."

"Makes sense. O.K. I'm in." And so we waited.

And when that glorious ass interrupted my thoughts once again, setting down a platter and a drink right next to me, I fucking beamed at him.

"So, you didn't just slip out the back? Dirk, you owe me $20."

"You seriously fucking bet on whether or not I'd come back? Maybe I should have just left when I had the chance." He mumbled.

"Hey hey, no thinking like that. You're gonna have a grand ol time hanging out with us Striders." I said, trying not to show how fucking elated I was that there was still hope for this bet and my chances of winning it.

"Striders? Is that like an idiotic secret group name or some fuckery?" He went to sip his drink.

"As simultaneously cool and lame as that would be, no. It's our last name, as you probably might've seen from I.D.-ing my bro here." Dirk chimed in.

"You're fucking joking right? Like hell I'd pay _that_ much attention to the names of my customers."

"Chill bro. You're off the clock. No need to be so defensive and wound up." Dirk chided him. To any normal person he would've sounded genuine, but I could detect that nuance of sarcasm there.

"Off the clock or not, I'm always like this. Why do you think they put you in my section? I'm the rudest asshole because it comes naturally. I don't have to put on an act to work here."

"Well Dave, you really know how to pick 'em." Dirk smirked. I glared at him.

"Ohmygod, just shut the fuck up and eat your Katsu." Karkat seethed, essentially saying what I was thinking. There was a moment of silence across the table. "You can tell me to leave whenever you want by the way. I'd be more than happy to get the fuck out of here if you get sick of me."

"Dude, that was transparent as hell. Also, if you didn't want to be here then you wouldn't be. You're a grown ass adult. No one is forcing you to stay here, despite what your boss says. So you must wanna chill with us at least on some level." I noted, at least trying to make conversation.

"Fine. Yeah. So I guess we all sit around and play 20 questions now until we're too drunk to remember the others answers?"

"Well we already know where you work so that's a question out. We both DJ at a club downtown. Sometimes as a team and sometimes as solos." My mouth was apparently on auto-share mode.

"Let me get this straight, you've been raised together all your life and you had such bad separation anxiety that you decided you needed to work together?"

"Nah man. We just had similar interests and we made some sick beats together at this party so we got hired together. The rest is sorta history. Also we weren't raised together." And thankfully my mouth shut itself before anything else slipped out and shit got tense.

"Please tell me at least one of you has a fucking day job because that shit cannot pay all your bills." He turned towards me.

"That's pretty true. I've got a nice gig down at the radio station playing pre-approved tracks all day and basically being a disc-jockey." I inched a little closer to him subconsciously.

"So music then. That's probably your calling or some shit, isn't it?" He scooted closer too.

"Yeah, pretty much. It's what I've always enjoyed and been good at." It was so easy to slip into decent casual conversation it was almost ridiculous. I'd compare the feeling to an old pair of sneakers that you misplaced and then found years later and put on again, only to find they still fit perfectly. That kind of nice.

Dirk cleared his throat in the most fake and obnoxious way possible to grab our attentions. "Are you two done enough with your stereotypical first date chit-chat to eat your food? Dave, you know damn well I'm not going to pay for your shit if you don't even fucking touch it." I was going to kill him when we got home. That shit was going so fucking well and he just had to ruin it. For fucks sake if he hadn't interrupted I could've probably had my arm around the guy within another five minutes. Had to pull it together though and play nice.

"Shit sorry bro. Didn't mean to leave you out. No worries, I'll make sure to polish this off if it means I get it for free." I pretended like I hadn't the slightest idea that he was going to be paying for the meal, when in fact, the last bet declared that he would be. Shit got silent and my bro stared me down.

"Sure." Dirk got up a second later, slapped some bills on the table, and started to walk off mumbling something about having a call to make. Probably to Jake since he knew I was about to win this shit and all bets would be off except the one where English had to come to our set tonight.

"I .. uh. Did I get you in trouble or something there? What the fuck just happened?" Karkat asked, chewing his lip some in the cutest fucking way possible. Was this man even real?

"Nah. He's just gonna go call his buddy Jake. Does it all the time. Don't think too much into it. They're usually on the phone for hours at a time." I cut a piece of the sausage off and holy shit was that some good devil dick. "So you said you don't like spicy shit huh?"

"I've got more of a sweet tooth and an acid tongue. Or so I've been told."

"So even sugar can't make you any sweeter, huh?" I snickered.

"Not in my fucking experience at least." Another second of silence. "So do you usually use crude humor to flirt with random waiters at restaurants or is it just me?"

"Don't get me wrong I love crude humor. But the flirting doesn't happen often. And hardly ever this successfully, if you don't mind me saying. That is assuming that I can be bold enough to ask for your number and you swooned enough to release those digits to me; ultimately giving me permission to contact you again and maybe go on a real date where you're not at work and I'm not with my bro." Jesus Christ I was really laying all my cards on the table here. This was fucking it. He started moving around and for a second I thought he was getting his shit and leaving. But he pulled out a pen and grabbed a napkin.

"Don't take this as an o.k. to call me at ungodly hours of the fucking night or assume that it's a guaranteed date. It's not. I'd just like to hang out sometime, maybe when I'm not in prissy ass work clothes and socially obligated to stay longer than I intended to. I don't date strangers and I won't be making exceptions to that rule now." He held onto the napkin and I tried not to focus on it too much like a kid who wanted candy or a dog who wanted a treat.

"Dude yeah. Of course. I'm not a desperate little girl or anything. Bro code standard. I won't call or text for at least three days. Promise." Good lord this was actually happening.

"Alright, Strider. Then I'm fucking trusting you here. Also I don't give a fuck about your bro code standard. Text whenever and I'll get back to you when I can. Can't say the same for calls though, so don't clog my goddamn voicemail if you can manage not to." He handed me the napkin and got up from his seat. I didn't let him take a damn step though.

"And where do you think you're going? You're not driving after drinking and like hell I'd be able to finish all this food by myself. Sit your ass down kitkat and settle in for a while. We're not even close to being done here." I demanded, trying not to be a douche by keeping the playful tone to my voice. I hoped to high hell I didn't just ruin it for myself.

Author Note: This chapter isn't much more than some character building. But like homestuck, sometimes you have to read tons of pages of anticlimactic stuff to get to the excitement. I promise you, this is the only chapter that will be an exact repeat of the previous one in a different P.O.V. Sorry for the delays as well. My grandmother passed away on Apr.29th and I was far too busy with attending the funeral and grieving to get much done. My sincerest apologies.


	3. Chapter 3

Karkat P.O.V. (again)

"And where do you think you're going? You're not driving after drinking and like hell I'd be able to finish all this food by myself. Sit your ass down kitkat and settle in for a while. We're not even close to being done here." I paused for a moment. Normally there was no way in hell that anyone was going to get away with talking to me like that, but for some reason in that moment it didn't bother me as much.

"And if I don't?" I asked, turning on my heel and smirking at him. Essentially I was giving him a hard time about it.

"Then, well. I mean. I guess, nothing. You've got your own free will and I'd be a real dick if I forced you to stick around. But it'd be really awesome if you did stay." He seemed embarrassed in the slightest but I liked his phrasing. Smart boy.

"Respectful. Good answer. Alright, I'll hang out for a while longer. It's not like I've got anywhere to fucking be." I sighed, sitting right back down.

"Thanks. And uh, sorry."

"Don't be. It's fine. We're on the same page now, right?"

"Definitely." And he seemed just as relieved as I was.

"Good. So, your turn to ask me. We've still got like 15 questions to go or some shit." I teased.

"Right. Um, What do you like to do for fun?"

"Not much, if I'm honest. I'm always too goddamn busy with work. But I do like movies and books. I used to try and fuck around with programming computers, but I was so god awful at it. I'm sure there's other shit I'd like to do but I never have the time." I conceded, being painfully obvious.

"That's a damn shame to have a list that short. We should expand it some time."

"Alright Mr. Life-of-the-party. What do you like to do for fun then?"

"Well let's see. I already told you about the Dj-ing and being a hella rad disc jockey. I also draw from time to time. I can skateboard, and it's usually how I get around when my bro isn't nice enough to drive me places. Because fuck cars and their expensive ass auto-market. I like making fucking hilariously shitty comics and posting them on the internet. I've got a pretty decent singing voice and do karaoke when drunk enough. There's probably more but none I can think of off the top of my head."

"I concede, that is a goddamn litany of a list."

"Alright, my turn again then." He picked up his cider and drank some more before asking. "What is your favorite color?"

"...I don't have one."

"What do you mean you don't have one? Everyone has a favorite color."

"Not me." I shrugged.

"Dude. Really? Here, just. If you had to pick a color to wear what's your go-to color?"

"Black, probably. It matches with literally fucking everything."

"Christ that's so fucking practical."

"And? Is there something wrong with practical?" I asked, turning a little more towards him and raising an eyebrow.

"No. Shit. I just mean like. Dude everyone has a favorite color."

"I just don't care to think about simple shit like that. Colors are just colors, it's not that fucking important to pick a favorite in my opinion."

"Ok, well mine's red, just for future reference. Can I ask a new question since that one tanked?" He was like half done with his food now.

"No. That's not how the goddamn game works. It's my turn." I said while reaching for a fried shrimp from the sampler platter and dipping it in some ranch.

"Alright then. Ask away."

I thought it over while I finished chewing. "Hm, alright. What's your favorite type of music?"

"You did not just ask an aspiring musician what type of music is their favorite. Do you know what the fuck kind of ramble you are going to start right now? Strap in for the long haul boys, we're going to be here all night."

"Just give me a fucking answer, asshole." I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"Ok, alright. Let me break it down into categories for you. And this literally might take a while. As far as music that I like to produce, currently we're on a pretty legit setlist of dance/edm with the occasional dubstep. I like remixing indie songs and pop songs and my bro throws some shit in there that mashes pretty well from his preferences. It's like if you take the movie pitch perfect, take out all the acapella shit, change the movie lead to a dude and literally stop watching about thirty minutes in. Basically it's a dude with hella skills to find songs that pair well together. That's my bro in a nutshell and he's super fucking great at creating good setlists. He gets the tech shit and synching beats, basically all the beforehand planning. But as far as performing it, he's not that spontaneous. That's where I come in. In the moment of the song I can improv like no other and it usually goes so goddamn well that no one could tell it's improv. They think it's like a recorded mix or some shit. It's fucking amazing. I'd invite you to come check it out sometime, but it's totally up to you and I totally don't want to make you feel obligated or anything." He took a pause to take a sip from his cider again. "Then as far as music I like to listen to, that varies. Pretty much anything but country music, rap, and jazz. I also am not a huge fan of classical but it's essentially the building blocks for all modern music so I can't judge much there. To go into detail, some bands I'm into right now include but of course aren't limited to: The White Stripes, Daft Punk, Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, The Chainsmokers, Coldplay, Anarbor, and Watsky. That's just the recent stuff. Most of it is trending right now anyway so it shouldn't all be completely foreign if you have a working radio and tune in to the pop stations. And that's pretty much my music tastes in a summary."

"A summary? If that was a summary then you could write a fucking book just on your own personal music interests. Holy shit." I mentally noted to bring up topics that would get him rambling. It was so fucking nice to hear someone talk about something they're really passionate about. And the way he got into his shit was honestly kind of attractive. But this was still definitely not a date.

"Well I could go on, but I really don't want to bore you with exact details and a comprehensive list of every single band that I enjoy. That might take us a literal week." He said, giving what could only be described as a lazy grin. "So what kind of beats do you listen to?"

"Most of the same stuff as you honestly. I uh, don't really know how to describe my fucking music taste. Unless my friends telling me I only listen to slow depressing shit counts? I dunno. I like upbeat music but sometimes it's just too fucking loud or the beat is just too goddamn fast for me to really get into it."

"Slow jams, not bad, not bad. Mind giving me a top ten list of your favorite bands at the moment? Or just as many as you can think of if ten is hard to come by." Dave propped his elbow on the table and held his jaw in his hand. You know, that pose that teenagers do when they're bored. But the way he turned towards me when he did it showed his interest more than it did boredom. I pulled out my phone and started scrolling through my artists to see if I could come up with something.

"Hmm, ok. Cigarettes after Sex, Halsey, um Florence and the Machine, …. In Love with a Ghost, Gorillaz,... Imaginary Future, Galimatias and Alina Baraz. Stuff like that, if you know any of it." I looked up at the blonde and put my phone away. He seemed to be nodding in approval.

"Like I said, not bad. I was expecting some Amy Winehouse or Alanis Morissette shit to be quite honest. So all in all, an improvement upon expectation."

"Thanks." I decided to finish off my own drink now for the sake of cooling my awkwardness. Because holy fuck did I not know how to make normal conversation. Fuck if I knew anything about being social outside of work or the internet or the small group of friends I'd made at work. Maybe my douche co-workers were onto something when they suggested I expand my friend circle.

"Your turn to ask a question." Dave mused, clearly catching me zoning out for a second.

"Oh, right. Fuck... So what exactly is your sexuality anyway? Like gay, bi or pan or something?"

"Jumping right to serious questions I see." He raised an eyebrow at me.

"No. Fuck. It's not fucking like that. I just wanted to know because you were the one hitting on me. I don't want to go around assuming shit." I waved my hands as if it would help convey what I was trying to say here, though obviously it wasn't much help.

"Chill kitkat. I was just yanking your chain. I just don't usually put a label to it. Or if I do, I just use 'queer' or 'gay' since they're basically umbrella terms. I know what the rest mean, I just don't feel like explaining them to other people."

"Well as someone who knows what the fuck the actual terms mean, you don't have to use umbrella terms with me. You could just give me an answer instead of being a goddamn cryptid about it."

"That's true. I guess technically it'd fall somewhere in the pansexual range? I have a slight preference for men but I've had crushes on women before too. So it's kinda whatever. As long as I like the person and they like me I don't really care what they've got downstairs." The gleam in his eye when he fucking said that was like a scene in a movie. How charming he made it sound. "What about you?" He countered, pulling me out of my thought.

"I'm literally just fucking gay. Girls never really got my attention or got me going. I tried it once, just because literally fucking everyone was saying shit like _you never know until you try both_. So I did. It didn't go well. We're still friends but it was a weird point in my life. Moral of the story is that I like guys and I should fucking stick to what I know without having to try just out of peer pressure."

"Good to know that my chances just got a little higher." He grinned.I elbowed him in the arm for that comment.

"I'm not fucking easy you asswipe. I still have to like you enough to want to fucking date you. Don't blow your chances before you even get an actual fucking date."

"Oh? So this far I haven't been blowing it. Even more good news." Dave chuckled, his smile throwing me off for a second because it was so natural and relaxed and fucking _attractive._ My cheeks heated a little at the sight of someone smiling like that at me. That shit never happened. That shit wasn't supposed to happen. Not to me at least.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. This is pretty nice." I grumbled. "Don't take that the wrong way either. It's not a fucking invitation for you to keep being a smartass."

"I don't need an invitation to be a smartass, it's in my blood."

I stared at him for a second in silence, trying to comprehend the level of stupidity this conversation had stooped to. "Who's fucking turn is it to ask a question now anyway?"

"I have no goddamn clue to be completely honest. But we've practically finished all our food in the process. So if you've got places to be, you can totally head out now…. Or we can keep hanging here until Dirk is off the phone. It's totally up to you."

"Well I think I'm still just a little bit too fucking buzzed to drive completely safely so let's give it another half hour before we let me drive my ass anywhere."

"Cool. So you wanna stay here or maybe split and walk around some? There's still some daylight left being it's only …" Dave went to check his invisible wrist watch only to find it's fuckin invisible. So he pulled out his phone instead. "It's only like 5."

"So the sun is currently setting? It's fucking fall Dave. The sun fucking sets literally around 5 pm."

"Shush it'll be fine. It won't be pitch black out for another hour at the very least."

"You really wanna go walking around town with me while I'm dressed up like a goddamn rich prick who lost his suit jacket?" I raised an eyebrow at him skeptically.

"Dude. I don't care what you're wearing. I'm more than happy to be seen in public with a guy like you. Don't give yourself so little credit." Another compliment from someone who I never expected a compliment from. I was starting to actually think that maybe he genuinely liked me.

"What about your check? Isn't your brother, who's outside right now, supposed to cover this shit?" It may have seemed like I was stalling. Probably because I was. Don't ask me why though.

"Oh shit, that's right. Well he did leave some cash on the table." Dave picked up the bills and counted it out. "How much was the check?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to know? Meenah made off with my apron and all of its contents."

"Shit. Ok. You go get the check from her and I'll sort it out for his lazy ass."

I nodded and went to chase down my manager, wherever the fuck she wound up. I found her counting out the tips from my apron in her office.

"What the actual fuck are you even doing?"

"Sup karks. Just observin' how well the people like you. Considerin' givin you employee of the month for this shit. How in the halibut do ya rack up almost $400 in tips in just one day?"

"I'm good at what I do? I don't fucking know. It pays the bills and that's all I'm concerned about. So could you be a nice person and exchange it for larger bills that I can actually fit in my pocket? Or at least give me my apron back so I can carry all this shit in it?" Lazy motherfucker. She tossed my my empty apron and left the task of putting everything back up to me. I sighed and simply started shoving it all in there willy nilly.

"You're so adorabubble when you're pissed. Ya know that?"

"So like all the time?" I asked, rolling my eyes for probably the millionth time that day. "Also where the fuck are all the checks that I still needed to pass back to my tables?"

"I gave 'em to Cro a course. He _is_ takin over those tables for ya, y'know. He needs ta know what the fuck he's handlin."

"Oh my fucking gods. So you mean I have to go hunt down his annoying ass in order to get Dave's check?" I groaned.

"So his name is Dave eh? Woulda guessed somethin a lil classier but it's still fittin somehow."

"Can we talk about how fitting his name is at another time? Where the fuck is the check for his table? Do I need to go clock back in just to reprint it?"

"Clam it Kat. I may or may not have it in here cause i knew you'd come lookin for it and aint nobody wanna deal with Cro while he's workin. Dude's impossible while on the clock." She beamed, looking like she was just so fucking proud of herself. Like she really pulled the wool over my eyes on this one. As if it was so fucking obvious somehow. She was such a fucking weird manager.

"Ok. Can I have it then?"

"Fine. But if y'all are leavin together you know I wanna hear all the dirty details next time I see ya."

"Yeah, yeah whatever." I huffed. She handed me the ticket and I was out of there faster than I'd ever been, coat in hand and everything. In retrospect I have no fucking clue why I was rushing though. I went back to the table and dropped the slip of paper face down in front of Dave.

"Alright, what's the damage?" He said while lifting the paper slightly so only he could see it. He stared at it for a long moment, seeming confused.

"Again, do you not know how to fucking read? Even numbers? Is something not adding up here, asswipe?"

"Uh, yeah. How the fuck is the check 0?"

"What?" I asked, sitting back down next to him so I could get a good look at it. It did in fact say that the check was already paid for. At the bottom of the receipt was a little stamp of a clamshell that could only mean that Meenah paid for it. Their whole fucking dinner was on the house? What kind of bullshit was going on around here? Since when did she ever do that shit? I groaned and buried my head in my arms on the table as I remembered the last time she did this shit. "My manager fucking paid your bill."

"Seriously? That's hella sweet of her. Shit. I wish I worked here if she's that fucking nice." Dave beamed.

"She's not that fucking nice. Trust me. You'll probably wind up owing her something."

"Dude. Isn't that like fucking illegal or something? To give someone free food in exchange for a favor?"

"I don't know. All I know is that she did the same thing the last time a customer had an interest in me. Then when I found out he only wanted to hook up and practically tried to force me into it, she fucking hunted him down. I don't exactly know what she did. All I know is that he's banned from the place and that she told me she 'got her money back' from him."

"Karkat what kind of mafia boss are you fucking working for?" He finished off his cider and set the glass to the side.

"Fuck if I know. As long as I get paid I don't care what she does. I can't get in trouble as long as I claim my tips for taxes." I shrugged.

"Ok, well um. Speaking of, I guess we should tip you since we didn't have to cover the bill." He started thumbing through the bills he had in his hand.

"You really don't have to do that." God this was going to be awkward. How do you go about accepting a tip from someone in this situation? Is that even allowed? It shouldn't be. It felt weird.

"Shush. You were our server for the majority of the night. You still get a tip." He tried to hand me a $20 and I refused, keeping my hands as far away as possible from the offered cash.

"Your bill wasn't near high enough to warrant that much of a goddamn tip, keep it."

"Ok, well looking at the total here and suggested tips by percentage, you at least earned a $10 tip. So just take it dude."

"I'm not going to take your fucking money, asswipe. Keep it."

"Are you really going to be this fucking difficult?" Dave sighed.

"Yes." I deadpanned. Absolutely serious about this. He moved like he was going to get up so I went ahead and scooted out of the booth so that he could.

"Ok. Fine. At least let me buy you coffee this week or something? I need to feel like we're even somehow." He lead me out of the building, of course not without some of my coworkers hollering or whistling in our direction. Bunch of fucking stupid pigs.

"I don't drink coffee." It should have been a simple statement, but apparently it was the most shocking thing in the world.

"You what?" His eyes seemed much more wide open now.

"You heard what I fucking said."

"I know. I'm just trying to fathom how the hell someone can survive without coffee."

"Sweet tooth, remember?"

"Coffee can be sweet. It doesn't have to be totally fucking bitter." He held the door for me and I walked through, leading us outside.

"Well I've never had any that wasn't completely disgusting."

"Have you ever even been to a starbucks?"

"No."

He put his hand on his chest pretending like he was in pain. "I'm shot. Wounded. Call a medic. This cannot be happening. All because Kitkat here has never been to starbucks."

"It's not that big of a deal." I sighed, looking the other way because he was making what would've been a scene if there were people around to see it. Though we were in the parking lot so anyone looking out the windows of the restaurant would be able to spot us from their seats. Great. Fucking great.

"Not that big of a deal? This is huge! It's fucking blasphemy! It's an outrage dammit and I will not stand for it! When are you free next? I'm treating you to starbucks and you're going to fucking love it." He turned to me and grabbed my hands in his as if we were getting married or some fucking crap. I pulled my hands back and groaned internally. Then I slipped my coat on because it was fucking cold outside.

"I cannot believe I'm about to fucking agree to this shit. I don't have work on Wednesday or Friday this week."

"Friday sounds good. Are you free all day or do you have shit to do?"

"I don't wake up any earlier than 9am on my days off. Otherwise, no I don't have shit to do."

"Sweet. 10 sound good then?"

"Yeah. That's fine."

"Nice."

We stood there for a moment in silence, just sort of looking around. Then something clicked and I became kind of concerned. "So where the fuck is your brother anyway?"

"Shit. I almost completely forgot about him." Dave facepalmed.

"Good job idiot."

"Shut up. You're distracting."

"And you're still buzzed." I pointed out.

"That makes two of us." He quipped back.

"Fuck you."

Dave scanned the parking lot for a moment before cussing under his breath. "I think he took off without me. Let me call him." I nodded in agreement. The phone rang all the way through to voicemail twice before the asshole finally picked up. Dave put his phone on speaker.

" _Jesus fuck Dave, what the hell do you want? I'm in the middle of an important call."_

"Where are you? Did you leave without me? What the fuck man?"

" _I'm down the block, stop freaking out like a lost kid at the grocery store.I'll be back over in less than two minutes. Don't piss your pants in the meantime."_ I laughed at that and Dave shot me a glare as if he was offended. " _Am I on speaker right now?"_

"Maybe….. Ok. Yes."

" _I'd like to apologize to all present parties for the idiocy that is my brother."_ And I fucking died. I started laughing like a maniac. " _Is that the waiter?"_

"... Yes." Dave admitted.

" _I like him. He fucking appreciates my jokes. You really know how to pick 'em Dave."_

"Shut the fuck up. It's not like that." The younger blond defended.

"It's really not like that." I said, just a beat behind him.

" _Whatever you say."_ Then he hung up. A moment later he was walking up to our buzzed asses in the middle of the parking lot.

"Long time no see." I teased.

"Hilarious." Dave rolled his eyes at me.

"You guys paid the bill, right?" The first words out of Dirk's mouth. Ever so responsible.

"The owner paid it." Dave then proceeded to hand the cash back to Dirk.

"Wait seriously? Why?" The taller blond asked.

"Long story short, she's fucking obsessed with me. So because your brother here was hitting on me and she encourages that shit, she paid your bill."

"That still makes no sense." Dirk pointed out.

"I know. She never makes any fucking sense."

"Just roll with it bro. Free food." Dave whispered.

"Hey I'm not complaining." Dirk put his hands up in a surrender. "So what's the gameplan now?"

"Well you two fucks can do whatever you want but I'm probably going to wait around a little longer and let my buzz die off completely. I'm not driving until I'm 100% damn sure I can focus on a straight line."

"Dave, you wanna hang out with your friend here or head to the club to start setting up? It's up to you." Way to pretend like I'm not even fucking here.

"Shit man, don't make me choose. That's fucking awkward." Dave complained.

"Ok, well do you want me to choose for you? Because you know damn well that I don't need any help setting up. So it's not like you'd be doing much of anything if you came with me." Dirk crossed his arms in front of his chest, clearly getting impatient to get going.

"I dunno man. This whole conversation is getting weird." Dave looked very uncomfortable.

I decided to cut in and save his ass. "Look, you've got my number. Just go do your shit and if you get too fucking bored you can text me or something I guess. It's not a big deal. And we're not in fucking junior high. No need to act like I'm your homecoming date or some shit. I won't be offended if you've gotta go somewhere. We're all adults here, or did you fucking forget that?"

"Fuck you for insinuating that I'm not acting my age." He retorted.

"Real mature, asswipe."

"Whatever. Fine. Yeah, let's go. I'll see you Friday, Kitkat."

"Stop calling me Kitkat, you fuck... Also text me the details of where exactly you wanna meet up. If you don't, I won't bother showing." I grumbled. Dirk started to walk away, probably back to their car. Dave turned and winked at me one last time. I let out a huff and rolled my eyes _again._ I needed a smoke break right the fuck now.

Back in the safety of my car, my apron and shit in the passenger seat now, I lit my cigarette and started to think over just what the fuck was wrong with me. Why had I agreed to any of that shit today? Since when did I ever converse with strangers, let alone let them have my number? I didn't have time for new friends or even dating. I didn't have the patience for it either. What the actual hell did I just sign myself up for? This was like the worst case of auto-piloting I'd ever experienced in my life. I was completely fucking screwed into this shit now and as always it was my own fucking fault.


	4. Chapter 4

Karkat P.O.V.

I finally fucking got home safe around 6pm. Dave had already texted me, but instead of being annoying as all hell (like I'd expected), he just asked if I had some weird texting app that he and apparently everyone else I knew was using. I told him I didn't and after five minutes of bickering about it he convinced me to download it. Wait. Hold on. Let me correct that. He didn't actually convince me of a damn thing. He threatened to take my phone on Friday and make an account for me if I didn't make one before then, so basically he forced my hand. After that he gave me his username and I told him I was going to wait until I got home to set up my account and add him. Thing about that is, he had no way of knowing whether or not I was home yet. So I still had time to procrastinate and do whatever until I actually felt like setting that shit up.

Speaking of procrastination, I still hadn't even left my car yet. I was sitting in the parking lot of my apartment building, staring at my phone screen. I couldn't help but to think that I probably should get out now and get inside to feed my fucking cat. Now before the jokes start, yes, I am aware that it sounds like the word 'cat' is in my name. No that is not the fucking reason that I own one. They're just the only domesticated animals that don't require constant attention to fucking survive other than rodents. Also I'm so fucking far from being a fan of rodents and most cats will kill any mice or rats that attempt to invade my house. So that's definitely a plus.

Back to talking about _my_ cat though. The fucker's name is Mawkin. Don't ask where it came from. I don't actually fucking remember. He's like 4 years old now and even more of an asshole than he was when I first got him. He used to do the typical harmless cat things like knock over bowls or vases, meow in the middle of the night, and pull on curtains and shit. Now it's escalated to shit like learning how to open cabinets and kicking everything out of said cabinet and onto the floor if/when I don't get home in time to feed him. This cat is the smartest dickhead cat I've ever known. Lucky for me, I was indeed going to be home in time to feed him today, so hopefully it wouldn't be a disaster place when I got inside.

After another ten minutes of random thought-trains, I managed to work up the energy to get the fuck out of my car and inside my apartment. As expected, the house was semi-decent compared to the usual mess Mawkin leaves so I decided to give him a small treat in his food. Not like he'd be grateful, but I am a nice person every now and then regardless of the chances of reciprocation. After that, I kicked off my shoes and went to change into less stuffy clothes. That consisted of stripping down to boxers and throwing on a random t-shirt from the pile of clean clothes at the foot of my bed.

I went and made myself comfortable on the couch in the living room. Then I finally decided to get on this ever so popular app. 'HassleMate' was apparently what it was called. It still sounded fucking stupid. I decided to just get this out of the way and add Dave already.

-TurntechGodhead has accepted your friend request-

CG: DAVE?

CG: DID I TYPE IT IN RIGHT?

CG: THIS IS YOU RIGHT?

TG: no this is patrick

CG: OH. FUCK. SORRY.

TG: just kidding yea its me

TG: no worries man

CG: WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE OR A REFERENCE TO SOMETHING? BECAUSE I AM COMPLETELY FUCKING LOST.

TG: it was a spongebob thing

TG: i thought that was obvious

CG: SPONGEBOB?

TG: yeah you know

TG: spongebob squarepants

TG: who lives in a pineapple under the sea

CG: PINEAPPLE? I'M STILL FUCKING LOST HERE

TG: dude do you really not know who spongebob squarepants is

CG: NEVER HEARD OF HIM

TG: im so sorry that your childhood was so shitty

CG: MY CHILDHOOD WASN'T FUCKING SHITTY JUST BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. WHAT EVEN IS THIS SPONGE SHIT?

TG: its a cartoon

TG: about a sea sponge that lives in a pineapple  
TG: his best friends are a starfish a squid and a squirrel  
TG: he works at a burger joint for a crab named krabs

TG: and its the best show to ever exist in the history of all cartoons

CG: THAT SOUNDS FUCKING STUPID. I'M ACTUALLY GLAD TO HAVE NOT WATCHED THAT BRAIN-NUMBING BULLSHIT.

TG: ok so

TG: that aside for now

TG: and trust me we will return to it

TG: but

TG: i gotta ask

TG: what's with the caps lock rage

TG: you alright bro

CG: THE APP LETS YOU SET A TYPING QUIRK. THIS IS WHAT I CHOSE FOR MINE. FUCKING FIGHT ME IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

CG: I CAN SEE THAT YOU WERE TOO GODDAMN LAZY TO EVEN CONSIDER PUNCTUATION OR REGULAR FUCKING CAPITALIZATION FOR YOURS. DID YOU EVEN SET A QUIRK?

TG: eh not really worth my time

TG: everyone still knows what im saying without all that extra shit

CG: WELL YOU CLEARLY KNOW WHAT THE HELL I'M SAYING WHEN IT'S IN ALL CAPS SO STEP OFF, HYPOCRITE.

TG: touche

TG: i might have deserved that

CG: YEAH, KINDA.

TG: aight

TG: well on another note at least i got you to get on here so we can chat like civilized people who don't need to rely on text messaging to communicate

CG: YOU CONSIDER THIS CIVILIZED?

TG: compared to texting

TG: yes

TG: read the fine print carcat

CG: THAT IS NOT HOW YOU FUCKING SPELL MY NAME YOU ASSWIPE

TG: well its not like you ever spelled it out for me

CG: IT' T

TG: how was i supposed to know that

TG: at least i was close

TG: but i gotta say

TG: my spelling is an improvement

TG: carcat

TG: cat cat

TG: beep beep meow

CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID THIS CONVERSATION JUST DIMINISH TO?

CG: ALSO NEVER REPEAT THAT LAST PHRASE IN MY PRESENCE UNLESS YOU WANT TO WITNESS MY EARS PEELING OFF OF MY HEAD AND FALLING USELESSLY TO THE GROUND WHILE MY EARHOLES BLEED OUT PROFUSELY. BLOOD SPLATTERS WILL BE UNAVOIDABLE. IT WILL NOT BE FUCKING PRETTY.

TG: jesus h christ that was graphic as all hell

TG: noted that i will not use that phrase around you in person

TG: even though i doubt that gorey shit would actually happen

CG: FUCKING PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

CG: AND I WOULD MAKE IT HAPPEN. DON'T THINK I WOULDN'T.

TG: dude, gross

TG: dsnfsnkflsfk

TG: sdjkld dsjfka sadf

CG: DAVE?

TG: oh mannn i am so tottes in luv wit u

TG: fuckimg obsessessed

TG: hawt myysterie water man

TG: okfsdmkfns sdlasmlsefn

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?

TG: sdjks

TG: roxy stole my phone

TG: oh fuck man she really put that on there

TG: drunken woman i swear if she wasn't related to me and totally chill i'd fucking slap her for that kinda shit

TG: just ignore that whole thing that just happened

CG: ROXY?

CG: LIKE ROXY LALONDE?

TG: yea do you know her

CG: SHE BARTENDS AT HIT THE DECK IN THE MORNINGS/EARLY EVENINGS. SHE'S THE ONE WHO MADE THAT CIDER THAT YOU WERE MAKING OUT WITH EARLIER TODAY, YOU ASSWIPE. OF COURSE I KNOW HER.

TG: oh fuck

TG: why am i just finding out about this

TG: nobody tells me shit jesus christ

TG: and i was not making out with it

CG: YOU WERE DEFINITELY FUCKING MAKING OUT WITH IT

CG: SO HOW DO YOU KNOW ROXY?

TG: she bartends at night for the club i dj at

TG: also shes my cousin

TG: more specifically shes my brothers cousin

TG: same thing though

CG: COOL. SO I GUESS THAT MEANS THAT YOU'RE AT WORK RIGHT NOW?

TG: nah were still doing setup

TG: and by we i mean dirk

TG: so technically im not busy yet

TG: just chillin backstage and apparently babysitting one drunk bartender until her shift starts here

Before I could even respond to that, I was scared shitless and almost pissed my pants because my roommate slammed the fucking apartment door open like only a maniac would. I shot Dave a message that was basically a 'brb'.

CG: I'LL BE RIGHT THE FUCK BACK. MY ROOMMATE IS A COCKSUCKING ASSHOLE.

TG: seems legit

TG: ill be here

I glared across the living room at Eridan as he kicked his shoes off in a mess at the door and dropped literally all of his shit in the entryway. He was on his phone, apparently angrily texting someone that was probably his boyfriend, and had yet to acknowledge my existence. I stood up and crossed my arms over my chest in a very angry manner befitting someone of my stature.

"Hey, Eridouche. Get a fucking clue. We have a fucking shoe mat and coat rack for a reason. Also what's with the whole trying to break our goddamn door off it's hinges? Are you _trying_ to get us evicted?" I seethed. He glanced up from his phone for a mere second before shrugging, kicking the door shut with his bare feet, and walking towards his room. "Oh hell no. Don't think you're getting away that easy." I muttered, running and cutting him off in his path.

"Kar w-what the fuck!" It was hard not to laugh when his stutter came back like that. He had it mostly under control now, but it was a lot worse when he was younger apparently. Regardless it was hard to be angry when a stutter like that was so goddamn funny combined with his slight british accent, yet somehow I managed to maintain my temper.

"No, you what the fuck? What in the everloving hell is your problem today? Did Captor finally dump your ass or some shit? Why are you slamming the front door like the fucking hulk? And why are you being more of a pompous prick than usual? I want answers, douchelord."

He sighed. "Alright, fine. They cut my hours back at Ganymede. So i guess you could say i'm kinda pissed about it."

"Is that really all that was fucking about? Less hours at the club? You've got to be joking me. You have two fucking jobs, you idiot. You are absolutely the most dramatic fucking queen I've ever seen." He raised an eyebrow at me. "No pun intended there, I promise."

"Ok. So that may not be all but it ain't important right now an I don't wanna talk about it. So please, just leave it be. If the door is broken I'll pay for it an I'll pick my shit up later. I just need ta calm down for now. So can I _please_ get to my room, mom?" He asked, obviously as done with my shit as I was with his.

"Don't fucking call me mom. And I guess, permission granted." I sighed, moving out of his way so that he could get past.

"Thanks." He said flatly, moving right past me and shutting his bedroom door. I heard a muffled scream which I assumed was him screaming into a pillow to let out some frustration. I let it be and went back to my phone, only to find that I received 17 new messages while I was gone.

TG: chillin and waitin

TG: nothin better to do

TG: brb gonna go get a drink from the bar here before roxy clocks in and attracts a crowd per usual

TG: omng totes not sposed to be on his phoen right now but he left it so leik its his fault rite?

TG: btw its roxx. just wanted to say hi, karks. also to invite ya to the place tonight to check out thier set.

TG: club's called "blow-out" *wonk*

TG: red alort. blondee comin back

TG: byeeeeee

-TurntechGodhead has erased all previous messages-

TG: ok

TG: why the fuck did she erase the messages

TG: what did she fucking tell you

TG: karcat

TG: kitkat

TG: karkles

TG: cmon man

TG: are you really not back yet

CG: I'M BACK

TG: thank fuck

TG: what did roxy say

TG: that shit only erases on one end of the convo

TG: so i cant see shit that she wrote to you but it should still be up on your screen

CG: NOTHING. SHE WAS JUST SAYING HI APPARENTLY

TG: so she didnt say anything that ill have to live down such as super embarrassing stories that she may or may not have made up to fucking blackmail me with

CG: I PROMISE THAT YOUR COUSIN HAS NOT EMBARRASSED YOU. ARE YOU CONTENT NOW?

TG: dead serious, for real, 100% truth right

CG: YES DAVE. WHAT PART OF MY SINCERITY IS NOT GETTING THROUGH TO YOUR SUBSTANDARD BRAIN HERE?

TG: my bad

TG: sorry

TG: just paranoid to fuck shit up before i even get a real chance to know you

TG: yknow

CG: THAT MAKES SENSE

CG: GLAD TO SEE YOU'RE FINALLY LISTENING TO MY FUCKING ADVICE AND TRYING TO MAKE A DECENT IMPRESSION

CG: DOESN'T MEAN ITS GOING TO BE A LASTING ONE THOUGH.

CG: I DON'T WANT TO LEAD YOU ON OR GIVE YOU THE IMPRESSION THAT THIS IS A FOR SURE THING. LIKE "OH IF YOU BECOME MY FRIEND FIRST THEN WE CAN TOTALLY DATE" TYPE THING. THAT'S NOT IT AT ALL.

CG: I JUST WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU SOME BEFORE I CAN DECIDE IF I'M ROMANTICALLY INTERESTED.

TG: chill out karks

TG: i get it dude

TG: i dont mind just hanging out

TG: even if i dont 'score a date' with you im chill with just being friends

TG: no worries

CG: GOOD TO KNOW WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE THEN.

TG: definitely

TG: so

TG: . . . . . . . . .

TG: the thing with your roommate

TG: how did that go

CG: IT'S …. KIND OF HANDLED I GUESS? I MEAN HE CAME INTO THE APARTMENT BY SLAMMING THE DOOR ALMOST OFF IT'S HINGES SO HE NEARLY SCARED THE PISS OUT OF ME. THEN HE DROPPED ALL HIS SHIT IN A FUCKING MESS ON THE FLOOR AND IT'S LIKE COME ON. WE HAVE PLACES TO PUT THAT SHIT OTHER THAN THE FLOOR.

CG: BUT I GUESS HE'S JUST STRESSED ABOUT SOME HORSESHIT FROM WORK OR SOMETHING. HE WOULDN'T TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK THE MAJOR PROBLEM WAS.

CG: BUT HE SAID HE'D FIX THE DOOR AND PICK HIS SHIT UP AFTER HE CALMED DOWN SO WHATEVER.

TG: sounds like a real diva

TG: also thats fucking hilarious that you got scared by a slammed door

TG: i cant imagine you being frightened

TG: like i cant picture what your scared face would look like

TG: but i bet its pure fucking gold

CG: IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE SOME KIND OF COMPLIMENT? BECAUSE IT'S A REALLY SHITTY ONE

TG: nah, just a random statement

TG: you wouldnt have to ask if i was complimenting you for real you would just know

CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOME CRYPTID ASS BULLSHIT

CG: BUT IT ALSO SOUNDS BELIEVABLE SO WHATEVER

CG: YOU HAVE THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT FOR NOW

TG: why thank you good sir

TG: thats all ive ever wanted was the benefit of the doubt from a dashing waiter in scarlet linens

TG: its a real dream come true

CG: SHUT UP NERD

TG: normally i would deny that request

TG: but it seems i have to go and start soundcheck

TG: so i bid thee a good day and possibly good night

CG: OK. SEE YOU LATER.

And just like that I logged off. I considered going to his club unannounced but I had no fucking idea if that was weird or creepy or allowed in this situation. It'd been too long since I last even had an interest in dating and I had no fucking clue what the social rules consisted of anymore. But I sure as hell knew some people who would have a better clue than I would. One of which was my annoying roommate.

"Hey Eridan!" I called out to him through the wall. I received a muffled groan for a response. So I pounded my fist against the wall to try and get his lazy ass to come out here.

"What?" he yelled out, clearly unamused.

"Come here I need to ask you some shit."

"Why can't you come in here since you're the one with a fuckin question?" He called back. Fuck. I was cornered there. That actually made some fucking sense.

"Fine." I groaned, getting up and walking to his doorway. "I have a question about ….."

"About? Come on spit it out Vantas." He said, lounging on his bed, still wearing his starbucks work uniform. That reminded me about the thing Friday and the possibility of running into my roommate at his job.

"Ok so come to think of it I have a lot of questions because of a thing that I'll have to deal with later this week. But the first thing I need to ask you about is …. I guess, some romantic advice." That seemed to pique his interest because he actually sat up to pay attention for fucking once when I was talking to him.

"Oh really now? You actually want romantic advice from me? Because I happen to remember a certain someone constantly claiming that he was the romance expert all throughout high school. And that I should have been takin a page outta his book? Remember that Kar? Cause I sure do." He raised an eyebrow at me, acting all high and mighty. So basically how he always acted.

"OK. One, fuck you. Two, I'm still the expert. I'm just a little rusty on some things."

"Excuses. Will ya just admit that for once in your life I might know somethin about romance that you don't?"

"That's essentially what I did when I fucking asked for your help." I rolled my eyes at him.

"No, no. I want to hear it." That smug bastard.

"Well, shithead, you're going to be very fucking disappointed because I'm not going to say it and you damn well know that."

"I guess you really don't need my help then. Good luck with whatever the fuck it is." He started to examine his nails in the most prissy way possible.

"Ok fine. Since you're a goddamn expert on the topic, will you _please_ help me with this?"

"Sarcasm...Close enough. Sure." He jumped up from his bed, discarded his barista apron and went to the kitchen. I followed only to find that he was apparently going to make himself a cup of tea for the occasion. Something he did any time he wanted to sit and talk for a while.

"I really hope this won't take long enough for you to get through a whole goddamn pot of tea. This time it's literally just simple advice. Or at least it should be."

"Ok, well what is it?" He asked, hand on his hip. "I can't start helping until I know what the situation is."

"Ok, well I met this guy-"

"What's his name?" Eridan cut in before I could even get one sentence out.

"Why the fuck does that matter?"

"If I know him then I might be able to help more. Or at least tell you whether or not he's a scumbag."

"How the fuck would you know him?"

"Honey if he's caught your interest and even remotely interested in you, he's probably been to Ganymede before. No self-respecting gay man can _honestly_ say they haven't stepped inside the only drag bar in town."

"Ok. I'm gay and I haven't been in there, for one. And two, there are other gay bars around, you fucking know that right?" I took my usual seat at our small kitchen table.

"Sweetheart, I said drag bar. Not gay bar. I also said self-respecting gay man. Don't take offense to the truth." That stupid accent made it all sound even more insulting. Fucking douche was raised in britain up until high school though so everything he said sounded pretentious.

"Ok. Stop with the pet names, that shit is getting weird fast."

"Fine. Just tell me the guy's name then." He sat down at the table with me and laced his hands together in front of him.

"His name is Dave. Are you fucking happy now?"

"Kar there's like a million men named Dave. I need his last name too. You do know it right?"

"Of course I fucking do. It's Strider." I grumbled, crossing my arms on the table and resting my head on them.

"Dave Strider . . . . Dave . . . Strider."

"Yes are you fucking retarded or something? That's his fucking name. Congrats. You won the fucking jackpot. You put the puzzle together. Gods Eridan you're _so_ smart." I rolled my eyes at him again.

He sighed and pushed a piece of his long bangs out of his face. "Kar, calm down. Remember, I'm here to help you."

"Well you have his name so help away, fucking expert."

"I've heard of him. Some things good, some bad. That's all you need to know for now. Next, how did you meet?"

"He showed up at my job today-"

"Wait you just met him today an you've already got a date?"

"Chill out and let me fucking finish my sentence before you jump in, asswipe. We're not dating. We don't have a date planned. Well we are going out for coffee on Friday but- but that's not a date. It's a friend thing. We're just fucking friends for now. Jesus tits."

"You don't even like coffee." He pointed out.

"I fucking know that. I told him that. He thinks he can change my mind about it. But that's not what this is about right now."

"Ok, we'll come back to that then."

I took a deep breath to quell my annoyance at the constant sidetracking. "Anyway. He went to Hit the Deck today with his brother and sat in my section. I played my schtick like usual and he fucking bantered it with me. It was really fucking annoying but also kind of fun I guess. It was nice to not have customers that don't know how to fucking handle attitude for once. One thing led to another and Meenah fucking made me sit down with them just because they asked me to. So I talked with him for a bit while his brother went outside for a phone call. He seemed not-creepy so I gave him my number. Then I came home afterward. He got me to make a Hasslemate even if that fucking says anything."

"Really? What's your handle?"

"Not important right now! So anyway he's a DJ at some club called 'Blow-out' I guess, and Roxy invited me to come check out his show tonight."

"I'm not followin. You seem to know what you're doin so far. What part of this is a problem….?"

"Should I go? Is that allowed? Can I just show up at his job after only knowing him one day and talking to him for a few short hours?"

"Well he knows where you work so I don't see a problem with it."

"So then I should go?"

"Oh we're going for sure. But you're not leaving the house dressed like that." He pointed at me with a critical look on his face that said 'you need help'.

"Fucking obviously. I'm not even wearing pants, douchelord. Also what do you mean 'we'?"

"I'm going with. So you can't say that you came alone just to see him. If anythin, say it was my suggestion an that you had no idea it was where he worked. After all, I could go for a drink after the day I've had, an it is a gay club." He got up and started to walk back towards his room.

"It is? When the fuck…? Actually, nevermind. What isn't gay anymore as far as nightlife in this city?" I followed, heading towards my own room, adjacent to his.

"Right? It's fucking fabulous isn't it."

"Literally." I grumbled with another eye roll.

"So what are we waitin for? It's like seven already. Let's get our shit together and get all dolled up."

"Dolled up for what? You're taken and I'm …. Well it's complicated but I'm not looking for hookups." He pushed his door open and I followed, expecting him to want to dress me up now. It just sounded like something he would do.

"That doesn't mean it's not fun to be eye candy, hun. Especially if you wanna impress this boy." He pulled out a pair of skinny jeans and looked back and forth between me and the article of clothing as if thinking over how they'd look on me.

"Shouldn't I just be myself?" I asked, subtly hinting at the fact that I didn't really wanna attempt to squeeze into Eridan's womens skinny jeans which were about 10x skinnier than mens skinny jeans.

"That's true …..Believe it or not, yourself can be impressive sometimes with the right outfit and setting. Not that I've seen it in person, but Sol tells me you were quite a sight on your 21st." Eridan started to look through his closet, acting like there was nothing good in there when he literally had three times as many outfits as I did in there.

"Please remind me later to kill him for telling you about that."

"I probably won't to be honest." He grinned. Of course he got all smiley whenever Sollux was mentioned. It was almost kind of sickening how crazy he was for that douche, but to each their own.

"Ok. Well I'm going to go pick out some shit from my closet that I think would be ok and you can come judge it when I'm done." I poked my thumb over my shoulder to signal. He nodded and I got out of there pretty fucking fast. Being around a drag queen when he was picking out clothes was a literal hell for me. Been there, done that. Let's just say there's a reason Eridan and I don't go shopping together anymore.

An hour, and many horrible decisions, later we were finally ready to head out the fucking door. Eridan was decked in pastels. Lavender super skinny jeans with a soft pink crop top that said _pretty boy_ across it in white lettering. He paired that with some small accessories like necklaces and bracelets and shit, also white doc martins. Stupid fucking tumblr gay shit, y'know. I was much more sensibly dressed in regular black skinny jeans, my red converse high tops, and a deep red arctic monkeys t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up some to make it look more 'hipster'. The sleeve thing was not my idea but honestly I didn't hate it when I looked in the mirror so whatever. The point is that we were finally ready to get going.

I grabbed my keys and Eridan finally fucking picked his shit up out of the doorway and moved it to his room before we left. We had agreed that I would be driving since he had a habit of getting just a little bit wasted when given the chance. Also he didn't have to work in the morning tomorrow. I took the liberty of texting Sollux to let him know he might have to pick up his drunk boyfriend later, since Eridan was easy to lose in a crowd. All I really knew for sure was that this was either going to be extremely boring, extremely embarrassing, or potentially a nice night. To be quite honest, I wasn't ready for any of the outcomes.

When we finally found the place there was no fucking parking so we had to park almost two blocks away. That's how packed it was there. Apparently Dave wasn't kidding when he said his music was pretty popular. I felt the bass before I really heard the music and by the time we got inside I thought my ears were going to bleed. Roxy spotted me right as I walked in the door and waved me over. I left Eridan to do what-the-fuck-ever and joined her. Roxy cleared a seat for me front and center. I tried to shout over the music to tell her I just wanted my usual drink but she either didn't hear me or decided to ignore it as she lined up a few shots for me. I wearily glanced at them before giving in. If I was going to stay here and try to blend in with the crowd, I might as well loosen up some. After the first five shots I started to wonder what the fuck she'd put in them because when I went to stand my legs felt like jelly. I heard her cackle behind me as I wandered off to the dance floor because this beat was calling my name and pulling me in like a magnet. I was quickly getting lost in a sea of bodies and swaying to the beat like I'd never heard music before. But who fucking cared about my shit dancing? I felt amazing.


	5. Chapter 5

Karkat P.O.V. (still)

The next morning I woke up to the soft muffled buzzing of my phone getting a text message. It was Meenah asking if I remembered that I had to come in today at 8. It was currently 8:15. Fuck. I groaned and rubbed my eyes some. The first thing I noticed was that these sheets were not my own sheets. I looked around the room and confirmed that it was in fact not my own room either. I glanced to the other side of the bed to see a mess of blonde hair sprawled across the pillow that belonged to a familiar face. He was still asleep, which was good, but I certainly didn't want to wake up him. I had no memory of the night before so I had no idea why I was here or what had happened. All I knew was that I was probably at risk of losing my job if I didn't get my ass there pronto. Worrying about this emotional shit could wait.

I carefully got up out of the bed and looked around to find my clothes. Seeing nothing on the floor and realizing I wasn't in fact wearing them, I left the room to look through the apartment. When I found my shit on the couch I quickly stripped off the t-shirt and boxers I had apparently borrowed from Dave and put my own clothes back on, shoving my phone in my back pocket. This wasn't work appropriate attire, but at least it was mine. If I was fast enough I could probably drive home and get something and still make it to work only forty-five minutes late, which in all honesty wasn't bad compared to some coworkers records.

After fighting with the slide chain thing at the top of the door I finally made my exit, praying that I didn't wake him up with the noise from the chain. I pulled out my phone to check the time and sighed. 8:19am. Now to be quite honest I thought about leaving a note, but I was in a hurry so instead I sent him a few quick messages on HassleMate.

CG: DAVE

CG: SORRY

CG: HAD TO RUN TO WORK

CG: NOT SURE WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

CG: I BLACKED OUT

CG: HANGOVERS SUCK ASS

CG: TEXT ME LATER TO FILL ME IN ON WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED PLEASE AND HOW I WOUND UP AT YOUR PLACE

CG: ALSO SORRY FOR WHATEVER I SAID LAST NIGHT. I PROMISE I DIDN'T MEAN ANY OF THE BULLSHIT I SAID.

That out of the way. I started down the metal staircase and dug around in my pockets for my keys only to realize I didn't have them on me. Like hell I was going back in the building now though. So when I reached ground level I looked around the street to get my bearings. That's when I realized I also didn't have my car. That was just fucking peachy too. I could only hope that it was still at the club or that I had given my keys to Eridan or Sollux or even Roxy. Above all I hoped it wasn't fucking stolen. That would just be the cherry on top of the cake, wouldn't it?

I started to walk down the block until I reached a crossroad that I recognized. I was closer to work than I was to home so I headed there right away, knowing full well I was going to get my ass chewed one way or another. Even if I'd gone home I'd be in trouble for being so damn late. So I decided I'd rather be a little late and wrongly dressed with a write up than properly dressed but like two hours late and fired.

It was a nice morning for a walk. Not too bright, which was a blessing on my hungover eyes. In fact it seemed pretty overcast, like it might rain later today if the clouds kept rolling in like they were. It only took me about 35 minutes to arrive at work. Making me only about an hour late in total. The place was still empty enough this early in the morning so that was a plus. Sollux fucking stopped what he was doing and wolf-whistled when I walked in.

"So, looks like someone had a pretty nice night, since you're still wearing the same clothes from the club." Him and his stupid lisp, mocking me. Unlike his boyfriend, he hadn't grown out of his speech impediment, likely because his family couldn't afford the expensive vocal lessons when he was a kid. Now he was past the point of caring enough to do anything about it.

"Fuck you. I'm not in the mood for this shit." I flipped him off and walked into the back. Vriska passed me on my way to Meenah's office and eyed me suspiciously.

"I don't think that get-up's gonna be ok with the boss, but it's your funeral." She said in passing. I groaned and leaned against the wall in the kitchen, collecting myself before I literally murdered one of my co-workers. Sollux came through the doors to the back a moment later, still grinning like he was so fucking proud.

"So how was he?" Sollux asks.

"How was who?"

"The guy you went home with. You might as well give me the details so I don't have to hear them from Eridan later. C'mon KK. We're buds, you can tell me."

"I have no fucking idea what the hell you are even talking about."

"Wait, you did have sex with him right? That's why you're still in the same clothes…" He trailed off.

I pinched my nose and sighed before looking at him again, very irritated. "Let me rephrase my last answer. I don't care to know what the fuck you're talking about because I was really drunk last night. I don't remember a goddamn thing. I don't know why it's any of your fucking business. AND, we both have jobs to do that don't include sitting around gossiping like a gaggle of teenage cheerleaders at a sleepover. Do us both a favor and get your ass back out front in case a customer shows up."

"Geeze, since when did you become a manager?" He asked, clearly put off by my lack of cooperation with his stupid drama fest.

"I'm not, but seeing as I'm fucking late, Meenah is going to be pissed already. Do you also want to be on her bad side today for being lazy as all shit? I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to poke an angry animal with a stick and provoke it, Sollux." He seemed at a loss for words so I pointed to the door and he left me the fuck alone. I raked my hands through my probably completely fucked up hair and took a deep breath before knocking on the office door to the she-devil that would probably grill my ass and put it on the specials menu for this week.

Meenah opened the door with a smile that immediately faded when she got a good look at me. "What the fuck a you wearin?" She snapped.

"Can I talk to you in the office?" I asked, resigned to being polite for fucking once in my life. I think that shocked her more than anything else so she just nodded and stepped to the side so I could join her.

"What's up kat? What's got you all ruffled now? Who do I have to beat up?" She asked, closing the door and making her way back to her desk chair.

"Well for starters you won't be beating up anyone. Unless that someone is me, because I'm the one who fucked up this time." I sighed.

"I doubt that, but go ahead and tell mama Meenah all about it." She propped her head up on her hands and leaned forward on her desk.

"Long story short, I got way too fucking drunk last night. I totally blacked out. Woke up, not at home, without my car so I had to walk here. That's why I'm late and dressed like I am. I feel fucking awful about it. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to write me up for all this. Or if you wanted to send me home for the day or some shit. Honestly, I'd fire my dumb ass for something this irresponsible."

"Clam it. I don't wanna hear nothin more. You ain't in trouble. No write ups. I'll call in a replacement, put Vris in charge, an I'll even drive ya home. This kinda thing happens to the best of us an it rarely happens to you. I'll let it slide since it's ya first offense. Jus don't make a halibut of it or I won't be as nice aboat it." She sighed, grabbing her purse, keys, and cell phone.

"You really don't have to do that. I can walk myself home. It's no big deal."

"Shut it. You've been through enough this mornin, ya don't have a jacket, an it's like 45 degrees out. Don't want ya catchin cold an missin' more work." I was about to protest again but honestly, I was tired, hungover, and she kinda had a point.

"Thanks." I muttered quietly, following her out of the office.

"Don't think you don't owe me one. You're gonna have to pick up another shift this week ta make up for today."

"It's gonna have to be Wednesday then, because I'm supposed to go to a thing on Friday." I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to will away the beginnings of a migraine.

"A thing? Kat that ain't at all specific or a good enough excuse." She locked the office door and turned to me, hand on her hips.

"If I told you it was with that guy from yesterday you all tried so fucking hard to get me to like, would that make you feel better about it?"

"Shell yes. Nevamind. Excuse accepted. I'll take a look at Wednesday when I get back." She then led us out of the building yelling a quick, "Vris don't burn down the place. I'll be back soon." and then we were on the road. I'd never realized that Meenah listened to rap until I had to spend 20 minutes on the road with her. Not only that but she knew all the words to almost every single rap song on the radio, an impressive feat in itself. I went to check my phone only to find that it was now completely dead. So I let myself get distracted in the beat of each song, zoning out for the most part until Meenah needed help finding my apartment. She knew what complex I lived in but not which building in the complex so I had to direct her around the place.

When I got out I offered to pay her for the ride, but of course she waved it off, telling me to get some rest and maybe not party so hard next time I've got an early morning shift. I agreed and watched her pull out of the complex before walking up to my apartment door and praying that Eridan was home and awake enough to answer the door. What with my keys missing and my phone dead, my only other option would be to break into my own apartment. Eridan had already asked the landlord too many times to come unlock the door for him since he always misplaced his keys. The guy had said that next time he needed to come unlock it for us he was going to charge a service fee because it was getting ridiculous. All that aside I knocked on the door, waiting for an answer. It didn't come the first few times. Another ten minutes of standing outside when it dawned on me that we actually did have a fucking doorbell. I'd forgotten because the damn thing never got used. So I rang the doorbell instead. Repeatedly and rapidly. Like a goddamn child.

The door was finally opened by a very grumpy Eridan who looked absolutely wrecked. He was wrapped in a blanket and squinted at me.

"W-why didn't you use your fuckin keys?" He asked, yawning after his question.

"I fucking would've if I had them. Do you know where the fuck they are?" I walked inside, closing the door and toeing off my shoes at the matt like a decent fucking person.

"Oh, right. You gave em to me an Sol last night." He chuckled, sheepishly.

"Wait. You remember last night?"

"Yea. You don't? I snapchatted the whole thing too."

"My phone is fucking dead you asswipe. Fucking hell. Please fill me in. Ohmygod. I haven't blacked out like that since my fucking 21st birthday."

"Hm. Lemme get some clothes on an make a cup a tea first an I'll tell you an show you what I know." He mosied on back into his bedroom and pushed the door almost all the way closed.

"Okay. I'm gonna go take a shower while you do all that shit." I grumbled loud enough so he could hear. I tossed my dead phone on my bed and grabbed one of my usual home lounging outfits of a random graphic tee and some boxers. Then I made my way into the bathroom. While stripping down I noticed a few odd scratches and bruises on my body but ignored them in favor of the allure of a hot shower. I could worry about shit after I found out just what the hell I did the night before.

Half an hour later Eridan and I were finally situated at our small dining room table and ready to talk about what the hell had actually happened last night. He had his stupid ass tea and I had a sloppily poured bowl of cereal because i was fucking starving.

"So I think we should start with snapchat an see if you have any questions from there. Sound good?" I shoved a spoonful of captain crunch in my mouth and gave him a thumbs up.

The first snap he showed me was a video of me grinding up on like five different people on the dancefloor and attempting to sing along to the music. It was utterly embarrassing to say the least.

"Please tell me you're going to delete these shitty videos after you show them to me. I don't fucking need everyone on your friends list seeing this shit." I complained. Eridan didn't say a damn word in response, which told me that basically he wasn't going to.

The next one was another video of sollux cackling like a maniac and shouting "KK's fucking wasted!" then the camera turned to me, screaming the lyrics to the cha cha slide and doing the dance very fucking poorly. I'd never live any of this shit down.

The third one was simply a picture, but it was a picture of me. I was back at the bar with like ten shots lined up in front of me and Roxy winking for the picture. What a fucking bitch. Why didn't she fucking cut me off? The caption there read "shots shots shots shots".

"Wow, Eridan. You are just the fucking best at captions. Way to state the obvious."

"It's a song reference you fuckin dunce." He seethed back. "Just keep on goin. It gets good."

The fourth thing Eridan's phone capture was a video. This one was fucking terrible too. It was of me, sitting at a table probably with Eridan and Sollux, and it appeared that Dave was talking over the mic. My dumb ass kept saying "yeah." and "that's right." after every few words that Dave said. Like I was some kind of jock's lackey from a shitty movie.

"Please tell me it doesn't get any fucking worse."

"Oh no. It gets better." Eridan chuckled, moving to hide his smile behind his teacup.

"Fuck you." I flipped him off and waited for the next snap to show up.

This one had a timestamp of 11:14 pm and it was a video, presumably of me again. It was really just the stage, and … oh no. Fuck. No. My drunk ass climbed up on the fucking stage and crawled under the DJ booth. Someone kill me now.

The next one was a video of the same scene but I was standing up now on the other side of the table next to Dave. It was hard to see but there were also some security guards walking towards us. The caption read "Fuckin busted. He's gonna get kicked outt." with a laughing emoji.

"Don't tell me there's more."

"Well there is, but nothin more about you. An you probably won't wanna see the rest of the story anyway." Eridan quickly took his phone back.

"Ew. You fucking didn't … did you?"

"Didn't what?" He feigned.

"You didn't record the shit that you and Sollux did last night on fucking snapchat did you? You'd scar everyone on your friends list for the rest of their goddamn lives."

"No …. Well not exactly. It's not explicit or anythin if that's what you mean."

"Whatever, I don't actually want to know the details or see it."

"Ok ….. So any questions or should I tell you how you wound up at Dave's?" He asked, fingertips thrumming against the table in a very fucking annoying way.

"Why the fuck did you record all of that?"

"Well, when Sol noticed you were all sorts a fucked up he told me to record it because it'd be funny. An it was. But also helpful for you in the end, so there's a plus." Damn asshole at least had the decency to look guilty about it.

"Next question. Why didn't Roxy cut me off? I was way too wasted."

"So was she." And that answered that.

"Why didn't someone fucking stop me from getting up on stage?"

"You said you were gonna go to the bathroom an next thing we knew you were crawlin on the stage. Not like we knew you were gonna do that or anythin." He shrugged.

"Ok so what happened after that?"

"Dave left the booth an brought ya back down to the crowd. You waved at us an he brought ya over. He mentioned something about getting you home since even he could tell you were wasted. You musta misheard him because you handed me your keys an told me to 'have fun with Sol' an that the apartment was ours for the night."

"What the actual fuck was I on?"

"Shut up an let me finish the story." He pinned me with a glare before clearing his throat to continue. "Anyway, then Dave just started laughing about the fact that you'd misheard him and offered to let you crash on his couch for the night. Sol may have said somethin along the lines of how you wouldn't just be on the couch to which you flipped him off." I chuckled at that, at least I was still me when drunk. "Then Dave took you backstage an as you two were walkin off he slipped an arm around you. But it coulda been because you were drunk an stumblin about. Then we didn't see you for a couple hours. When we were leaving you were throwing up in the parking lot, luckily not on anythin or anyone. But it was still fuckin disgustin."

"That is fucking unbelievable. But also probably why I'm so goddamn hungry right now." I said, marveling at how I didn't remember a damn thing. "Also Dave's probably never going to talk to me again, so there's that." I said casually.

"What makes you so sure about that?"

"Were you not listening to your own goddamn story? I embarrassed the fuck out of myself. I almost got kicked out of the place and/or nearly arrested. I probably punched a guy out with my fuckall terrible dancing. I was all over the place. On top of that, I woke up in his bed next to him, and not on the couch. I was wearing his clothes too. Thank fuck that at least I wasn't naked. But at this point I'm not sure which is worse because it means I was naked there at some point. And to top it off, I messaged him on my way out this morning, admitting to not have remembered a fucking thing from last night. I'm fucking boned. The asshole is never gonna speak to me again."

"Ok, that does sound bad, but let's not just assume that it's over. If he did have sex with you then he might still totally be into you. From the sounds and looks of it he wasn't even drinking last night. He probably remembers everything. You might be able to get details from him too."

"Oh hell no. I'm not going to go begging for details like some little bitch girl who wants all the fucking gossip about her from her friends." I shook my head.

"If you won't then I will."

"You don't even have his number or have him on Hasslemate, how the fuck are you going to contact him from your phone?"

"Who said anythin about my phone?" He grinned and I panicked.

"No. No. Nope." We both got up and sprinted to my room, trying to get to my dead phone first. Eridan won because he'd been sitting closer to the hallway. Also because I tripped over my chair and almost tripped over Mawkin on the way there. Technicalities though. "Congratulations idiot, you have acquired my dead phone. Explain to me how you intended to message anyone on it when it's been dead for fucking hours."

"I'm gonna fuckin charge it a course." Eridan rolled his eyes at me and went to look for my phone charger.

"Just fucking hand it over, you don't know where shit is in my room. You're never gonna find my charger." I left my hand out expectantly.

"On second thought, you're right, 'cause I'm kinda scared to go lookin through your drawers an find your dildo collection by accident." He smirked.

"I don't fucking have one you dickmonger. You're thinking of your own room."

"Why would I need that when I have a boyfriend?" He winked, walking out of my room and leaving my phone behind on the bed.

"Wow, you're really gonna throw that in my face right now? At least the guy I like isn't an absolute douche."

"Sol is only a douche to people who are fuckin rude to him first." Eridan called back from the living room.

"That's bullshit and you know it." I yelled back before pulling my phone charger out from under my bed and plugging my phone in. It would still be a while before the damn thing turned back on, so I decided to go back to the kitchen and put my empty bowl in the dishwasher.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Eridan asked, now perched on the couch with netflix pulled up on the tv. "You can choose."

"It will never cease to amaze me how quickly you go from one thing to the next. But sure, I guess." I grabbed a seat on the other end of the couch and snagged the remote from him. I immediately put on "Leap Year" because it's a fucking great movie and no one can tell me otherwise. Eridan scoffed at my choice but I knew he'd like the movie anyway. He always did, despite claiming that he hated movies. Not any specific genre, just movies in general. What a fucking hipster, trying to be cool and different by not liking any movies. Everyone liked movies of some genre.

About halfway through the movie Eridan started texting more than he was looking at the screen, which was fucking rude. "Do you _have_ to do that right now?" I asked him, clearly very irritated.

"It's Sol. He's on break." Eridan shrugged, as if that were all the explanation I needed. It reminded me that Eridan had tried to steal my phone earlier though.

"Oh shit." I paused the movie and ran to my room to check my phone.

When I hit the lock button to check the screen it read '5 new messages from TurntechGodhead'.

Fuck.


	6. Chapter 6

Dave P.O.V.

I woke up at 9:30am to the sound of my alarm going off and groggily slapped it off my dresser. Unfortunately for me, that didn't turn it off and so the blaring beeping noise continued and started to grate my nerves. I groaned and reached off the side of the bed, picking up the damn thing and properly shutting it off. Then I ran a hand through my hair and sat up, only to find the other side of my bed was empty and the sheets were pulled back. That's when I remembered that Karkat had spent the night. Fuck.

I raced to the living room hoping he was still there so that I could explain. But when I looked around, the place was empty. Of course he left. Why wouldn't he? Anyone in their right mind waking up after a night like that would assume the worst and leave pronto. God damnit. He probably thought that I took advantage of him while he was piss drunk. If he'd stayed longer I could've told him what the hell actually happened. That is, if he would even believe me. This was just a great start to the day. Fantastic.

I took a few minutes to calm myself down. On the bright side, if Karkat didn't want to talk to me ever again then at least Dirk owed me money from the bet in the restaurant. I knew I should've just slept on the couch so he wouldn't freak the fuck out and assume shit. Or maybe he had a reason? Maybe he had work or something, right? But I drove him here so how the fuck was he going to … maybe he walked or called a friend to give him a ride? My stomach rumbled loudly and I temporarily put my thoughts to the side in favor of finding food. I usually didn't get to eat dinner on the nights I DJ-ed, so I was going on about 15 hours or so without an actual meal.

I poured myself a bowl of cereal and turned the TV on out of habit. I usually at least made an attempt to watch the news before finding something else that was mildly entertaining. Today, I skipped the news and just went straight to watching Cartoon Network. I wasn't sure what this new show was supposed to be but it seemed pretty funny so whatever.

The next time I looked at the clock, it was almost 10:30. I turned the TV off and almost instantly went back to thinking about this morning. I scanned the counters to see if maybe he left a note or something, but there wasn't even a trace that he'd been here other than the clothes I lent him still being in a pile on the floor.

I sighed and resigned myself to picking them up, since clearly they weren't going to wash themselves. After starting a load of laundry and making the bed I pulled out my sketchbook again. I tried a few small doodles of bird skulls before deciding I was going to try and draw a main focus piece. It started out as just another bird and then I decided I wanted to make it a phoenix. However I got a little stuck on some of the angles and details so I decided to go grab my phone and pull up some reference pictures for detailing.

As soon as I had my phone in hand and unlocked I checked my notifications out of habit. My heart nearly leapt out of my chest when I saw the one in particular and I had to double take.

-8 new messages from CarcinoGeneticist-

Yep. That's really what that says. Holy fuck. Ok. Don't panic. Striders never panic. Keep it cool, collected, calm down man. I took a deep breath and clicked on the notification, opening the app.

CG:DAVE

CG: SORRY

CG: HAD TO RUN TO WORK

CG: NOT SURE WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

CG: I BLACKED OUT

CG: HANGOVERS SUCK ASS

CG: TEXT ME LATER TO FILL ME IN ON WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED PLEASE AND HOW I WOUND UP AT YOUR PLACE

CG: ALSO SORRY FOR WHATEVER I SAID LAST NIGHT. I PROMISE I DIDN'T MEAN ANY OF THE BULLSHIT I SAID.

I checked the timestamp on the messages and facepalmed. 8:20 a.m. The dude left like a whole fucking hour before I even got up. And I didn't even notice a damn thing. On top of that, I didn't know what the fuck he thought happened. His messages were really fucking vague. I did know that at least I was right with the suspicion that he had to go to work. Well, it was like 11 now, might as well message him back since I've left him hanging. Not like he'd get it since he's at work, but it's worth a try, right? Besides, it shows that I've seen the messages, can't just leave him on 'read' and be a total dick.

TG: its cool dude

TG: work is important i hope you made it there on time

TG: as for last night

TG: its a long story bro

TG: id rather tell you when were both online

I was tempted to type more but decided to leave it at that for now. It's not like there was anything else I could really say. I also wanted to leave room so that if he had questions about something that he could stop me and ask them in a live chat. I also wanted to ask him what he remembered from the night previous so that I didn't rehash anything that might've been obvious.

I sat back down in the living room and went back to looking up reference pictures and drawing. I had a hard time sitting still though. I was, for once in my life, pretty fucking anxious about what someone else had to say. Well, actually it was probably the second time, but I am not going to dig up that crap pile of memories. That would only spike the anxiety that I was currently dealing with.

Surprisingly it was only about half an hour before my phone buzzed again with a response from Karkat. The shitty thing is that because I'd been holding my phone to keep an eye on the reference pic, I got startled when it buzzed and dropped it on the carpet. _Real smooth, Strider_ I thought. Phone retrieved, I instantly opened the message

CG: I'VE PRETTY MUCH GOT THE REST OF THE DAY IF YOU'RE FREE TO TALK.

CG: LONG STORY SHORT, SHOWING UP AN HOUR LATE FOR WORK IN THE WRONG CLOTHES GETS YOU SENT HOME FOR THE DAY.

TG: oh man

TG: im sorry about that

TG: but yeah im free for the day too

CG: IT'S ALRIGHT. IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT THAT I BLACKED THE FUCK OUT LIKE A PRE-TEEN AT A HIGH SCHOOL PARTY.

TG: i wouldnt say it was that bad

TG: you seemed pretty chill to be honest

TG: if anything you were less uptight than you were at work

TG: no offense or anything there

CG: NONE TAKEN

CG: SO CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?

CG: ERIDAN FILLED ME IN ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AT THE CLUB FOR THE MOST PART. HE GOT BITS OF IT ON SNAPCHAT TOO. FUCKING DOUCHE.

TG: uh yeah

TG: what all did he cover

CG: HE TOLD ME ABOUT HOW I KEPT GETTING MORE SHOTS FROM ROXY.

CG: HOW I WAS APPARENTLY BEING A NUISANCE IN THE CROWD DURING YOUR SET. (FOR WHICH I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE).

CG: HE SNAPCHATTED ME CRAWLING UP ON TO THE STAGE (AGAIN SORRY).

CG: AND HE TOLD ME THAT I THREW UP IN THE PARKING LOT. (STILL VERY FUCKING SORRY YOU HAD TO SEE ME LIKE THAT).

CG: AND THAT'S PRETTY MUCH ALL I KNOW.

CG: WELL THAT AND THE FACT THAT I WOKE UP AT YOUR PLACE IN YOUR CLOTHES.

CG: WHICH REMINDS ME, HOW THE FUCK DID I GET IN YOUR CLOTHES?

CG: AND PLEASE TELL ME IT ISN'T WHAT I THINK IT IS.

TG: that depends on what you think it is

CG: WE DIDN'T . . . . . Y'KNOW . . . . DO THE DO, DID WE?

TG: do the do

TG: were both adults here

TG: you can say it karkat

TG: for fucks sake you work at a place that serves the devils dick

TG: you can say sex

TG: and no we didnt

TG: but let me explain

CG: OH THANK FUCKING GODS ALMIGHTY.

TG: ok ouch

TG: my pride

CG: IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!

CG: I JUST DON'T WANT TO FIND OUT I HAD BLACKOUT SEX. THAT'S SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO REMEMBER. SOMETHING I PREFER TO BE SOBER FOR.

CG: I'M NOT SAYING THAT I WOULDN'T DO YOU.

CG: FUCK

CG: I MEAN

CG: I'M NOT SAYING THAT I WOULD EITHER, BUT FOR DIFFERENT REASONS.

CG: YOU'RE NOT UNATTRACTIVE

CG: I'M JUST SAYING THAT IF WE WERE IN AN ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP THEN YEAH I'D PROBABLY BE DOWN FOR THAT BUT NOT LIKE THE FIRST FUCKING DAY THAT WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER

CG: FUCKING HELL

TG: it was a joke

TG: im not actually offended

TG: but damn that was entertaining to watch you stumble trying to fix the statement

CG: FUCK YOU

TG: im genuinely flattered here to know that im totally do-able

TG: all that aside

TG: do you want to know what actually happened last night

CG: YES

TG: then shut the hell up and let me type

TG: also feel free to ask questions cause shit gets fucking hilarious

CG: THOSE TWO STATEMENTS CONTRADICT YOU FUCKING IDIOT

TG: i am aware

TG: im also not your boss

TG: feel free to do whatever

TG: im gonna tell you a story now

CG: OK

TG: about a drunk man named kitkat who got so fucking drunk he couldnt even remember his own fucking phone password

TG: shits about to get hilarious

TG: ok so when you crawled up on stage i had no idea who the fuck you were at first and dirk called for security

TG: then when you crawled under the table i legit thought some stranger was about to give me head under the table

TG: dirk cracked up and noticed it was you before i did and when you popped up on the other side i almost died of embarrassment

TG: you embarrassed me in front of my brother

TG: security grabbed your ass

TG: i told them to let you go though and saved you like the true hero that i am

CG: OHMYGOD YOU FUCKING THOUGHT I WOULD SUCK YOU OFF UNDER THE TABLE

CG: ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY

CG: WHO THE FUCK DOES SHIT LIKE THAT

TG: ok 2 points here

TG: 1 i didnt know it was you

TG: 2 that shit happened to dirk once so it fucking happens sometimes

CG: PEOPLE ARE FUCKING DISGUSTING

TG: agreed

TG: anyway

TG: after that i let dirk have the set and walked you offstage

TG: i asked you who you were here with and you said your friends were over at some table being no fucking fun

TG: which made sense considering that you were wasted and your buddies seemed at least sober enough to walk in a straight line

TG: you were practically hanging on to me to keep yourself from stumbling

TG: i have no fucking clue why roxy didnt cut you off sooner

CG: ERIDAN SAID IT WAS BECAUSE SHE WAS ALMOST AS WASTED AS I WAS

TG: ok now that i believe

TG: but anyway i got you back to your friends who were literally fucking making out in a booth before we went over there

TG: you waved at them anyway as if they would fucking see you while sucking face

CG: FUCKING HELL I WAS WASTED. ALSO GODDAMN SOMEONE SHOULD'VE TOLD THEM TO GET A ROOM.

TG: exactly

TG: it was awkward

TG: i had to literally tap the one guys shoulder to get their attention

TG: i asked them if either of them were gonna be driving you home or if youd drove separate

TG: they told me that you drove your own ass here and were also supposed to be the pastel guys ride

TG: and you mustve misheard or some shit because you literally threw your keys at them and said something about having fun at the apartment

TG: so with all three of us staring at you wondering where the fuck your mind went i offered to take you home since i wasnt gonna make you sleep in the next room while they did whatever the fuck they were probably gonna be doing

CG: THANK YOU FOR FUCKING SAVING ME FROM THAT FATE.

TG: youre welcome

TG: anyway after that the one guy that wasnt in pastels shot back some remark and you flipped him off and sort of hugged onto me protectively

TG: so im guessing he said something about me maybe

TG: or at least you thought he had offended me in some way

TG: whatever it was it was kinda adorable and funny as shit

TG: so after that we went to check on roxy

TG: she was halfway to passing out

TG: so just as bad as you

TG: i left you with her for another three minutes to go tell the boss she should probably head home

TG: when i got back roxy had given you another shot of something golden that honestly looked like fireball but couldve been any type of whiskey

TG: before i could say anything you fucking downed it

TG: you goddamn trooper

CG: GEE THANKS

TG: yep

TG: then i told you we were gonna be heading out and you just kinda nodded and put your arms out like you wanted me to carry you

TG: im strong and all but not that strong

TG: i cant carry a drunk human adult all the way to my car in the back lot from the front of the building

TG: so i helped you up and let you lean on me instead

TG: as soon as we got through the crowd and outside you stumbled forward to an empty parking space and let it loose

TG: im gonna take a guess and say that you were mixing liquors or that you dont usually get that wasted

CG: CORRECT ON BOTH ACCOUNTS. MY FIRST SHOTS OF THE NIGHT WERE VODKA. I REMEMBER THAT MUCH.

TG: awesome

TG: so that made a mess

TG: i made sure you didn't get any on you and helped you back onto the sidewalk

TG: i had one of the bouncers come with us since the back lot is near an alley and the last thing we needed is to be fucking mugged while you were piss drunk and trying to get home.

TG: we got to the car safe and trying to get you in a fucking seat belt was impossible so i just said fuck it and drove you without it

TG: the whole car ride you fucking rambled on and on about some of the people in your life

CG: OH GOD WHO DID I MENTION?

CG: WHAT DID I TELL YOU?

TG: you said somethin about your best friend gamzee

TG: said somethin along the lines of sollux being an asshole and eridan being a dick and then switched them and laughed about it

TG: im guessing that was supposed to be some sort of joke on their relationship

TG: dunno

CG PROBABLY

TG: and then you mentioned and i quote 'that bitch terezi'

CG: OH NO

CG: PLEASE TELL ME THAT'S ALL I SAID ABOUT HER

TG: i wish i could

TG: and if its the same bitch who i think it is then you had every right to say what you did about her

TG: long story short there was a lot of bashing going on and a lot of cuss words

TG: then you started rambling about some guy you met that day and how cute he was

TG: you said he was really funny and nice and that you were so excited to hang out with him again

TG: you also mentioned something about wanting him to kiss you

TG: rambled on for a good five minutes about his lips

TG: you innocent child you

CG: WELL THAT'S MORTIFYING

CG: SOMEONE JUST KILL ME NOW

TG: im gonna take a guess that you were talking about me

CG: YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO LET ME LIVE THAT DOWN, ARE YOU?

TG: probably not

TG: by the time we got there youd just finished talking and stared out at the building

TG: you asked where we were because apparently you forgot you were gonna be coming over to my place

TG: when i explained we were at my house you literally yelled 'sleepovers' and stormed out of the car, apparently fine enough walking on your own by that point

TG: i had to literally run to keep you from attempting to open my downstairs neighbors door

TG: then i had to guide you upstairs since im on the fucking second floor

TG: you giggled about it though and just shrugged with an 'oops' like it wasnt a big deal that you almost pulled a b&e while shitfaced

CG: B&E?

TG: breaking and entering

CG: FUCK. RIGHT.

TG: yeah

TG: so once in the safety of my place and before i could even close and lock the door you walked right up to the fucking fridge and pulled out my gallon of apple juice

CG: OH NO.

TG: oh yes

TG: your dumb ass straight up opened the bottle

TG: held it over your head with an impressive amount of drunken strength

TG: looked me right in the eyes and said and i quote 'im dave the hot douche and i fucking make out with apple drinks'

TG: and fucking poured half the thing all over your face and body and onto the floor

TG: choking on the majority of it because no one can chug that much juice

CG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE LYING

TG: i wish i could

TG: i really wish i could

TG: you wasted perfectly good aj in the name of mocking me

TG: you monster

CG: I'LL BUY YOU MORE I PROMISE

TG: you dont need to do that

TG: its cool

TG: i still have half a gallon remember

CG: I'M STILL GOING TO BUY YOU MORE

TG: we can discuss that later

TG: but back to you being drenched in juice

TG: i wrestled the bottle out of your hands and fucking capped it and put it away

TG: and you just fucking looked at me

TG: then you remembered your phone was in your pocket

TG: you panicked and threw it over the island counter and into the living room

TG: so i had to fucking chase it down and make sure it was ok and not damaged from the aj or the fact that you fucking threw it

TG: it was fine by the way

TG: as you probably know by the fact that youre on it right now

CG: DUH

TG: then when i turn around youre still just standing there in the kitchen

TG: i asked you what you were doing to which you beautifully replied 'im sticky'

TG: so i showed you where the bathroom was so you could clean up and pulled out some clothes for you to wear

TG: a tee and pj pants

TG: but you didnt want to wear pants so i had to lend you boxer shorts instead

TG: you literally almost threw a fit about not wanting to wear pants by the way

TG: it was like babysitting a child

CG: SORRY ABOUT THAT TOO. I'VE ONLY BEEN THAT SHITFACED DRUNK ONCE BEFORE AND TO BE TOTALLY HONEST I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS LIKE BECAUSE LITERALLY FUCKING NO ONE WILL TELL ME EVEN TO THIS DAY.

TG: damn

TG: well i guess now you know

TG: maybe

TG: so then you left your sticky clothes on the floor of the bathroom and declared you were tired

CG: WHAT A FUCKING SCANDAL. CLOTHES ON THE FLOOR.

TG: yeah yeah smartass whatever

TG: i try to keep my house fucking clean thanks

TG: so i told you to go ahead and sleep wherever and you hopped up on my bed

TG: i went and cleaned up the floor and then rinsed your clothes in cold water so that theyd at least be kind of clean and then laid them out to dry on the couch because im fucking nice like that

CG: THANKS

TG: then i went back to change into my own pajamas

TG: i heard you scream and literally ran back into the room shirtless only to find you laying exasperatedly with your phone in your hand

TG: you just looked at me and said 'it wont fucking open'

TG: i got confused and asked you what the fuck you were talking about

TG: you got up and shoved your phone in my face saying that it wouldnt open and that you tried everything

TG: you couldnt unlock your own fucking phone man

CG: THAT'S FUCKING HILARIOUS THOUGH.

CG: LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WAS WRONG WITH ME

TG: you were drunk out of your mind

TG: and yes it was hilarious

TG: i just rolled my eyes at you and told you that your phone was tired and wanted to sleep just like you

TG: and you fucking believed me

TG: then i started walking back to the living room because i was going to sleep out there like a fucking gentleman and gracious host

CG: I THINK I KNOW WHERE THAT'S GOING

CG: FUCK

TG: yeah

TG: probably

TG: you fucking called out for me

TG: stopping me

TG: you demanded that i sleep in my own bed

TG: said that you wouldnt mind and that since its my house i should sleep there

TG: i was just tired enough to say fuck it and not argue with you about it

TG: so thats how you wound up at my place in my clothes and in bed with me

TG: do you believe me now when i say we didnt do the do

CG: OK YES

CG: I FUCKING BELIEVE YOU

CG: BUT ALSO WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EVEN WANT TO SPEAK TO ME AFTER ALL THAT?

CG: LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?

CG: HAVE I NOT SHOWN YOU HOW FUCKING TERRIBLE I AM YET?

CG: WAS THAT NOT ENOUGH EVIDENCE TO CONVINCE A MAN THAT I'M LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DEAL WITH?

TG: dude chill

TG: everyone is impossible when theyre shitfaced

TG: its fucking fine

TG: you werent even that bad

CG: YOU SAID IT WAS LIKE BABYSITTING A CHILD

TG: yeah

TG: kids are easy to take care of though

TG: you just have to play along with their shit until they go to sleep

TG: its not that bad

CG: ARE YOU SURE?

TG: karkat its fucking fine

TG: im still talking to you arent i

TG: that should tell you that i want to be

TG: i dont waste my time on shit that i dont want to fucking do unless im getting paid for it

TG: and im not paid to talk to you

TG: i promise you that

CG: OK FINE.

CG: I BELIEVE YOU.

CG: I DON'T GET IT.

CG: BUT I'LL BELIEVE YOU.

CG: ALSO A QUICK QUESTION . . . .

TG: anything

CG: ARE WE STILL ON FOR FRIDAY?

TG: if you still wanna go then yeah

CG: AND IF I EMBARRASS MYSELF AGAIN? THEN WHAT?

TG: then we laugh it off dude

TG: its just coffee

TG: whats the worst that could happen

TG: you hate the drink and i have to drink it for you

TG: you spill it on yourself

TG: whatever happens im sure itll be fine

TG: dont freak about it

CG: ALRIGHT. I GUESS THAT'S TRUE. WITHOUT ALCOHOL INVOLVED IT SHOULD BE PRETTY SAFE.

TG: thats the spirit

CG: THANKS DAVE

CG: FOR, YOU KNOW, NOT TOTALLY GIVING UP ON ME AFTER I EMBARRASSED THE SHIT OUT OF MYSELF.

TG: id be an asshole if i didn't at least give you a second chance

TG: besides

TG: if this does develop into a relationship ill have already seen you at your worst

TG: and if thats the worst youve got then youre far from being a handful

CG: STILL, THANKS.

TG: no problem

CG: I'LL LET YOU GET BACK TO WHATEVER IT WAS YOU WERE DOING BEFORE I GOT ON HERE AND BOTHERED YOU

TG: you didnt bother me

TG: but if youve got stuff to do then its cool

CG: ALRIGHT, UM. SEE YOU FRIDAY.

TG: yea see you friday

TG: and dont be a stranger

TG: feel free to message me whenever even if you just wanna chat

CG: WILL DO.

And with that we mutually left each other to our own shit. I could've probably spent the whole day talking to him if he wanted, but at the same time I'd probably run out of shit to say very quickly. Regardless it was nice to have all of that out and to know that if anything he thinks he's the one that fucked up instead of me being the douche that practically kidnapped him and fucking slept next to him, making him think shit happened. I decided to try and put that whole thing behind me and focus on what the hell I was going to do about Friday. What do you suggest to someone who hates coffee in order to get them to maybe not hate coffee so much? I'll probably just ask Rose about it later.

I checked the time again and noticed that it was almost 1pm now. I resolved myself to putting away my sketchbook and getting ready to go out. I was gonna go ahead and drop by Dirk's place to work on our next set since I knew for a fact he was gonna be home all day today. I had a song stuck in my head that i really wanted to work into a new beat and all our equipment was at his place.

" _I'm losing and this is my real life. I'm half asleep and I am wide awake. This habit is always so hard to break. I don't wanna be the bad guy. Been blaming myself and I think you know why."_


	7. Chapter 7

Dave P.O.V.

The rest of the week went by smoothly enough. Tuesday and Wednesday I spent some very boring mornings at the radio station grabbing discs for my boss' setlist for the day. Then I had the afternoons of both days with Dirk since he also had some new jams he wanted to work with. We wound up with a whole new set in the end that we would be showcasing this weekend and were both pretty psyched about it. Speaking of this weekend, Jake would be coming to see that show instead since Dirk decided to be a baby and "forget" to invite Jake the night I won the bet at dinner. Fucking douche thinks he can pull a fast one on me. Nice try bro. Thursday I had an afternoon shift at the station so I decided to go to the gym in the morning. I don't make a scheduled habit of it, but I got a year membership as some sort of shitty christmas gift last year from Dirk and Jake (at the time they were just friends but went in together on this gift. Jake's idea). I wasn't about to waste their money by not going.

Karkat had messaged me a few times throughout the week, mostly just idle chitchat like how our days had been, how shitty some customers were, how annoying my boss was and his shit taste in music, things like that. Thursday night after getting home from work I noticed a text asking what time to meet up the following morning. I had to mentally facepalm for the fact that we'd never actually set a time. I told him 10:30am and he seemed fine enough with that.

Regardless of the time I'd told Karkat, I'd set my alarm for 9am so that there was no way in hell I could possibly be late. So when I woke up, I went through the usual routine of showering and shaving and everything. I spent a good ten minutes deciding which fucking shirt to wear because as much as I knew it wasn't a date, I had this urge to dress a little nicer. I settled on casual t-shirt and jeans though because I didn't want to send the wrong message and make Karkat think that I thought it was a date or something. Better just to play it cool and impress him with my personality instead.

I made the decision to walk there. A thing that I rarely did since I always had my skateboard. However, I didn't bother to check the time when I left and failed to realize just how early I'd left the house. So now here I was, 10:05am, chillin at Starbucks early as hell and waiting for him. I held off on getting my coffee so that it wasn't obvious I'd been sitting here for as long as I had. Also so that I could pay for both our drinks at the same time.

While waiting I occupied myself with planning out just what to order for Karkat. I figured he'd probably like frappuccinos, what with the fact that you could barely ever taste the coffee in them. Probably mocha or caramel for his sweet tooth. In all honesty it wasn't hard to plan out some stuff that he might like since a lot of the things here tasted great without tasting too strongly of coffee. That sought out, I looked around the place and realized that despite it being so early in the morning, the inside of the cafe was almost completely deserted right now. I also noticed one of the baristas staring at me from over the counter. I stared back for a minute because I could've swore I'd seen him somewhere before. I couldn't place where, but he seemed vaguely familiar. He seemed to have the same thought because he left his coworkers behind the counter and headed over to the table I was sitting at.

"You're Dave right?" He asked.

"Uh, yeah …. Have we met before? I mean you seem familiar but … "

"We met a few days ago …. You took my roommate home with you earlier this week …. Douche named Karkat ringing any bells?"

"Oh fuck. You're his roommate. Right. Right. My bad. Sorry. What's your name again?" That seemed to rub him the wrong way.

"Eridan." He quipped.

"Nice to see you again, Eridan."

"Yeah, I'm sure …. So you guys are havin your lil date thing here? Kar mentioned goin out with you for coffee but I didn't realize I'd be graced with the pleasure of watching it probably crash and burn. You know the guy hates coffee right?" Geeze this guy was a prick.

"Uh, yeah. I don't know if i'd call it a date per se … and what makes you think that it's gonna crash and burn just because he claims to hate coffee. I'm pretty sure he won't hate the drink I've got in mind for him and I doubt he's tried _everything_."

"Your loss if you fuck it up. Just don't say I didn't warn you." He examined his nails in the most flamboyant and annoying way possible.

"Why are you telling me this anyway? What do you have to gain here?"

"Oh nothing at all. I just really don't want to watch my roommate go on a shitty date that he won't enjoy with someone who's being selfish in their interests from the start. You picking a place that you like instead of asking him where he wants to go is being selfish as all hell, even if you claim it's not a date. Who knows what else you'd be selfish with when your first interaction with a person is somewhere you'd want to go? Because if he falls for you, as I'm sure he will, and later on realizes that you care more about yourself than him, then I'll have to pick up the pieces. Again. That's not something I enjoy doing and I'm sure he doesn't like being broken down either. So do us all a favor and take him somewhere else that he might actually enjoy." Something in me snapped right then. I didn't come here to be fucking attacked by this douche.

"Ok first of all, If he didn't want to come today then he wouldn't. He didn't have to agree to anything he didn't want to do and could have easily turned me down or suggested something else. I'm about 900% sure he'd have no problem doing so, in fact. And secondly, where the fuck do you get off trying to tell me what I care about and on what level. I just barely fucking met you a few days ago. You don't know a damn fucking thing about me. Nice try though, trying to pull this apart like you're trying to find the meaning in a book for your high school essay, you fucking child. I understand that he's your friend and that you're worried about him, but you don't need to worry. It's not a fucking date and I'm not going to break his goddamn heart." If anything he might just break mine by shit like this never being a date. I didn't say that last bit out loud but damn did I want to.

"Oh honey, that's cute. You think I don't know you. I know more about you than you probably do. Hoo, the things I've heard about you. You'd better believe word gets around amongst queens." I inhaled sharply at that comment. So that's why he fucking hated me. "That's right honey, I know your game. Play with his heart and it'll be the last time you even get so much as a half-assed hook-up in this town and anything within a hundred mile radius."

"I would try and explain to you what the fuck actually happened but I'm sure that dickhead has already painted me a villain in your mind for good. I doubt anything I say could change your mind. But for the love of all that is good, please don't fuck this up for me. I'm not playing anything here. I genuinely like this guy, ok. I'm not fucking around. Trust me, I wish it was a date. But since it's not, I'm going to do my damn best to impress him. I don't know if he told you, but we didn't fucking hook up. Nothing has happened so far. I'm glad it hasn't either. I want to do this right. And if I ever hurt him you have full permission to hunt me down and beat me to a pulp or whatever you want to do. I promise. Just please, don't fuck this up for me." He seemed to take a few moments to soak all that in. Meanwhile I internally winced at how fucking honest I had to be with Eridan. I normally wouldn't put all my cards on the table like that. But he knew the wrong side of a story from my past and I didn't want Karkat to get wind of that before I had the chance to explain. I wanted to tell him myself, if anything.

"Fine. I'll keep quiet for now. But you owe me your side of the story. Also I'm going to hold you to your word. You break his heart and I get to break your face."

"Agreed. We can talk about that later. Karkat's gonna be here any minute now. Can we please just pretend this didn't happen when he's around and try to get along?"

"I'm a performer. Of fucking course I can pretend I don't fucking hate you." He dismissed with a wave of his hand. "Ok so it's not so much that I hate you. It's more like if I were driving past you walking down the street and there was a huge puddle by the curb, I wouldn't even try to avoid the puddle."

"Gee thanks."

"No problem. And good luck with getting him to like coffee. You're honestly better off teaching a pig to fly, but whatever." He said while walking away and back behind the counter.

Not even two minutes later Karkat walked through the door apprehensively. To say that I was stunned into silence was an understatement. I immediately felt underdressed because he looked fucking perfect. Even in just a simple blue sweater, jeans, and black boots he looked amazing. Just absolutely adorable and attractive and just damn. He looked nice, ok. It looked nice on him.

After practically drooling the way I was, I returned to reality when I realized he hadn't spotted me in the corner yet but had waved at Eridan instead. The barista waved back, feigning surprise and then proceeded to flip Karkat off. Of course Karkat returned the gesture and then scanned the room, finally landing on me. I waved sort of sheepishly and he came over to my table.

"You look good today." I offered casually.

"Compared to my stuffy work shit or the visual of me throwing up, I'm sure it's an improvement." He laughed nervously and I couldn't help but smile and roll my eyes.

"Regardless of the comparison, it's a nice outfit dude. Genuine compliment there." He gave me a more relaxed smile and my stomach did that stupid butterflies flipping thing.

"Fine. So what experimental shit are we subjecting me to on this fine morning?" He asked, hopping into the seat across from mine.

"Before we make that decision I must ask. Which do you like more: regular chocolate, caramel, or mint chocolate?"

"I'll go with mint chocolate I guess."

"Cool, then I know exactly what to get you. You and your sweet tooth are gonna love this, I promise."

"Promises are serious fucking business, Dave. You'd better not let me down." He teased.

"I don't intend to. And if you completely hate it then you can pick somewhere else for us to go that you'd like more and I'll pay. Anywhere at all. Deal?" I moved to get up and get in line.

"You're really that confident that I'm going to like this drink?" Karkat pushed his chair in and followed me.

"I am. I really am. This is going to be the best coffee you've ever had. You won't even be able to tell that it's coffee. It's that good."

"Alright. If it's that fucking amazing then I'll trust you." He scooted closer to me in line as someone else came up behind us.

"Want anything else with it? Maybe a pastry or something?" Looking through the glass had me contemplating on getting a donut or a cookie or something.

"We'll see if I like the drink first. I'd rather not commit to crappy food here if there's a chance we might be leaving." He scoffed, still skeptical as all hell. Not like I expected anything different of him.

When it was finally my turn to order, I was thankful beyond all hell that Eridouche wasn't the one at the register. "I'll take a tall midnight mint mocha frappuccino and a venti java chip frappuccino." Easy enough. I paid, we waited, my name was called. Y'all know the drill for Starbucks. Then came the moment of truth.

Karkat picked up his drink and eyed it questioningly. "And you're sure this is going to taste fucking good? It looks really dark, Dave. Like almost black coffee dark. Like you ordered me black coffee with whipped cream and fucking charcoal dust on top."

"You can stop criticising and try it any time now." I chuckled, sipping my own drink and walking back towards our table.

"Can you tell me what's in it first?" Karkat asked, trailing behind me and then slipping back into the same seat he'd been in earlier.

"Mint, chocolate, whipped cream, ice, milk, more chocolate and a little bit of coffee. Also all the love of the barista who made it and possibly a splash of heaven."

"I'm seriously questioning some of those ingredients." He held the cup a little closer and sniffed the drink, causing some of the cocoa dust on top to flutter about. I couldn't help but laugh at that.

"Don't snort the damn thing, kitkat. Just drink it, damn. It's not a dime of coke."

"Ok first of all, fuck you for implying I do coke. Secondly, I don't want to hate the drink and waste your money though."

"Well whether you hate it or not, I've already bought it. So it's too late to get my money back. Remember we can always go somewhere else if you don't want your drink. Now would you please just try it and stop being an apprehensive baby."

"I am not a fucking baby." He hissed.

"No? Then try the coffee drink and join the world of adults who thrive on caffeine." I was only teasing him of course, but it was still fun as all hell to push his buttons.

"Fine, if it'll get you to shut the fuck up." He finally figured out how to use a straw and took a sip from his damn drink. No reaction at first so he was either trying to poker face that shit or he honestly didn't like it. He swallowed and raised an eyebrow at me. "What the fuck did you order me? This isn't coffee. It tastes like some kind of weird bittersweet european mint chocolate but it isn't fucking coffee."

"Uh, yeah. It is. Go ahead and ask your barista friend behind the counter there if you don't believe me." I smirked. Karkat looked like he was about to get up and do just that but then turned back to me.

"Ok, fine. I believe you. You wouldn't send me fucking all the way over there otherwise"

"Unless I wanted you to look like a dumbass asking a barista in a coffee shop if your coffee drink had coffee in it." I pointed out.

The boy looked perplexed about that before rolling his eyes at me and taking a lengthy sip from his drink this time. "Fucking douche." Pause. "You'll have to write the name of this down for me for next time."

"Next time? Are you implying there will be a second coffee outing friend-date thing? Whatever you wanna call it." I knew I was jumping the gun on the whole thing, but honestly I was eager. Maybe too eager. I also hoped he wouldn't dwell on the whole 'friend-date' phrasing.

"Technically, I was saying that I'm going to be coming back to Starbucks eventually and this would be the only thing I'd order so I need the name of it. But if you want to come with then sure, we can be coffee friends or some basic shit like that."

Shot down. Fatally wounded. Someone call 911. I've been friend-zoned already. Then again, who knows because he did say that he wanted to be friends first before trying to date. Fuck. I don't know what to make of this now. And I should probably stop over-thinking it because he's staring at me. Fuck, he looks kinda offended. I'm a dick.

"Huh? Oh, right. Coffee friends. Yea. Sounds cool." I scratched the back of my head nervously.

"No. It's fucking lame. Forget I said anything." He looked off to the side, avoiding eye contact. Shit, I definitely caused that.

"No no. It's cool. I'm glad you like the drink really. And I'm totally down for getting coffee together more often. I just sorta spaced out there at the wrong time." I tried.

"You sure? I still haven't messed shit up enough for you to give up?" My heart fucking died. This man was so fucking insecure it was insane. I wanted to fix that so badly. I just wanted to show him that someone gave a fuck and cared about him and that he didn't fuck everything up. I wanted to be that someone that gave a fuck, too. But that would have to wait until he was ready for that.

"Of course not. Do I need to rickroll you for you to figure out that I'm not gonna give you up that easily?" That made him smile some and he rolled his eyes at me again. His smile was too fucking cute.

"Please don't. I think I get the idea without hearing that shitty fucking song."

"Good. Otherwise I would've had to drop down and serenade it to you in front of this entire coffee shop."

"Thank fuck you're not doing that."

"I still could…." I teased, pausing for a moment. "But seriously, did you wanna go ahead and go somewhere else anyway? My treat still, even though you actually liked the coffee." Speaking of which, both of us were almost done with our drinks already.

"Hmmm …. Is there a distance limit?" Karkat inquired, stirring his straw in mild interest.

"Nothing out of country."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Can you just answer something seriously without being a sarcastic asshole?" His voice said irritation but his eyes said amusement.

"Fine. I guess our limit depends on whether or not you drove here. I walked."

"I drove. And I'm fine with driving us around. Though is it really your treat if I'm the driver?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"I'll reimburse you for the gas, no worries karks. I've got you covered." I winked behind my shades and pointed a finger gun at him before realizing I'd been spending too much time with Dirk and Jake.

"Oh.I wasn't trying to get you to fucking pay for it. You really don't have to do that."

"But I want to. I promised to pay today and I'm going to stick to that. You won't have to shell out a single penny this time. Alright?"

"Ok but that means that I pay for shit on the next outing. It's only fair." He's such a goddamn saint, with a mouth like a sailor. How did I manage to get him to give me the time of day?

"Sure. Deal. And you can pick what we do, since I did kind of pick the coffee thing this time."

"We can cross that fucking bridge when we get there. For now I want to focus on where we're going to go next today."

"Alright, then pick something kitkat. It's all up to you today, remember?"

"What about ….. ngh nevermind it's fucking stupid." He ducked his head down again as if embarrassed he'd even started to say anything.

"No, no. It's probably far from stupid. What were you about to say?"

"Well, it's still not a fucking date, but if you wanted we could go to the mall or the movies or something over in that part of town."

"I dunno, that really does sound like a date. Coffee and a movie? Might wanna save that stuff for when we're ready to make a more serious commitment. Right now we're only at coffee friends tier. We need to be like ten tiers higher for public outings like that." I smirked. I only hoped he could tell I was giving him a hard time and not being fucking serious about all that.

He fucking deadpanned. "Are you really fucking mocking me right now?"

"Maybe. But you know it's just to get you smiling." As soon as the words came out of my mouth I fucking flushed red. I did not mean to say that last bit out loud. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Why the hell?

It was quiet across the table. A little too quiet if you ask me. My mind started racing again with all the thoughts of how he'd probably never talk to me again because I was rushing things. I was so fucking worried about pushing too fast or saying something too soon here and I had just gone and ruined it all.

"So um. Did you actually wanna go to the mall though?" He cut in, shutting all my thoughts up instantly. Did he really just brush it off that easily? Maybe this wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. Alright. Ok. Time to get my fucking cool back.

"Yeah. Yes. Definitely. Let's go hang at the mall." I nodded.

He moved to get up and I followed instantly, both of us chucking our now empty coffee cups. I mentally chided myself and tried to keep reminding myself that I didn't need to flirt it the fuck up because this wasn't a date.


	8. Chapter 8

Karkat P.O.V.

"So after a morning of subtle flirting, learning that I like coffee, and learning that I actually kind of like Dave more than I thought I would, we got in my car and headed to the mall. On the way I turned on the radio and we both sang along to at least half of the songs." It was really nice to not sing alone in the car to be fucking honest. In fact it was nice to get in my car for once and not feel the instant need for a cigarette to calm down from whatever had just happened before I had to leave. I actually felt fine for once. But I wasn't about to verbally admit to that. "Then at the mall we just hung out for a few hours, window shopping and shit. Y'know. The usual stuff people do at the mall when they don't actually fucking want or need to buy anything. He even gave me some cash for gas. I tried to refuse but he left it in my car when I dropped him back off at his place. So I guess I'm stuck with it. And yeah, that's how that went."

"Sounds like ya had a real nice date Karks. I'm glad the guy's treatin you right already." Meenah said, though she sounded kind of complacent in all fucking honesty. For someone who wanted details she really seemed bored to hear them.

"It wasn't a date. We're not together. It was just kind of a friend outing thing. Whatever the fuck that's called. It wasn't a date though, we both confirmed that."

"Whateva ya say kid." She waved it off. "So when are ya gonna see him again?"

"Monday after work. It's my turn to pick what we do, but I still haven't decided."

"Why not take him dancin or somefin?" She suggested.

"Hell no. That sounds way too much like a date. It's gotta be something people can do as just friends."

"Friends can go out dancing together. I go with the Serkets all the time. Ain't no biggie."

"Ok but do you hit on other people while you're out dancing as friends?"

"Well yea. Ok. I see your point." She slouched back into her desk chair and tented her fingers like she was some sort of evil villain.

"Yeah. I'm not exactly trying to set him up with some fucking one night stand while we're getting to know each other."

"Ok. Tell me again why you two ain't datin right now? You're basically committin to each other with how you're actin. Not allowed to get one night stands or flirt with anyone else or nothin." She was now spinning around in her chair, clearly bored with the conversation that I was too stubborn to give up just yet.

"First of all, it's an unspoken agreement, we never technically said we couldn't see other people in the meantime or have one night stands. Secondly, I don't want to just jump into a fucking relationship with someone that I don't know shit about."

"So instead you'll have an unspoken agreement with him to stay off the market until you decide you know him enough? Sounds shella crazy if you ask me. I'd be careful how long you take to decide, or he might just move on without you."

"Well I wasn't fucking asking you for advice, thanks. I was just giving you the details you requested. Your opinion isn't necessary or wanted here." I huffed, rolling my eyes at her. She may be a good friend, but sometimes she really grated my nerves. In my opinion, she had no place to be weighing in on my love life since she often tried to catch my interest despite my preferences.

"Whateva. You've got ten minutes left a your lunch break. Go ahead an grab somethin from Tav in the kitchen. Tell him it's on me."

"Sure. Thanks." And with that I got my food, finished my break, and continued on with the boring day.

However some of the things Meenah had said were sticking with me so when I got home I messaged Dave again.

CG: HEY, JUST GOT HOME

TG: no shit

TG: me too

TG: what a coincidence

CG: YOU'VE BEEN HOME ALL AFTERNOON, YOU SHIT

TG: are you stalking me karkat

TG: i'm honored

TG: also a little creeped out

TG: but mostly honored.

CG: YOU ASSMUNCHER. YOU TOLD ME YESTERDAY THAT YOU'D BE OFF AFTER 2

CG: IT IS CURRENTLY 5PM

CG: I DO POSSESS A DECENT FUCKING MEMORY AND THE CAPABILITY TO READ A CLOCK, BELIEVE IT OR NOT

TG: alright alright

TG: you caught me

TG: so whats up

TG: how was your day

CG: FUCKING AWFUL AS USUAL

CG: MY BOSS WAS BEING NOSY AS ALL HELL

TG: you mean the same chill boss that paid for my food

CG: YES. I ONLY HAVE ONE BOSS, DAVE.

TG: ok

TG: with you so far

TG: go on

CG: THAT'S ALL THERE WAS TO IT, REALLY

TG: aw

TG: you mean youre not gonna tell me what she was being nosy about

CG: NOPE

TG: so you knowingly brought up a topic that id be interested in just to shut me down without details

TG: thats cold karkat

TG: im hurt

TG: dont you trust me

CG: DAVE. IF YOU COULD HEAR ME SIGHING RIGHT NOW AND SEE ME ROLLING MY EYES, YOU'D KNOW HOW RIDICULOUS YOU'RE BEING

CG: BUT SINCE YOU CAN'T I'LL FUCKING HUMOR YOU

TG: score

CG: SHE WANTED TO KNOW IF WE WERE DATING YET

TG: we as in you and her

CG: YES, DAVE. ME AS IN ME AND HER. BECAUSE MY FUCKING GAY ASS WOULD TOTALLY GO FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. ABSOLUTELY. HIT THE NAIL RIGHT ON THE HEAD. ACE DETECTIVE STRIDER OVER HERE

TG: hey man i dont judge

TG: who you date is your business

CG: FUCK YOU.

CG: I MEANT WE AS IN YOU AND ME. OBVIOUSLY.

TG: ah right

TG: so you told her the deal then im guessing

TG: how did she take it

CG: HOW SHE TAKES IT IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. SHE CAN HANDLE THAT SHIT ON HER OWN.

CG: BUT SHE DID MAKE ME THINK ABOUT SOME STUFF

CG: AND I WANTED TO KNOW SOMETHING

TG: ok sure

CG: DO YOU THINK IT'S STUPID THAT I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU BEFORE DECIDING WHETHER OR NOT TO DATE YOU? LIKE AREN'T YOU GOING TO GET BORED AFTER A WHILE? I PROMISE I'M NOT TRYING TO STRING YOU ALONG OR LEAD YOU ON OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. I JUST REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET INTO SOMETHING SERIOUS WITHOUT KNOWING YOU WELL.

TG: i dont think its stupid no

TG: what i do think is stupid is that youre letting her get to you and make you second guess your decisions

TG: i dont mind waiting and being coffee buds for a while first

TG: so dont worry im not going anywhere

TG: but i gotta ask you something too

CG: YEAH?

TG: before i do keep an open mind about what im gonna say

TG: im not trying to influence your decisions at all

TG: just want you to think it over

That honestly made me really fucking nervous. My mind was so caught up in its own train of thought that I couldn't track where Dave was going with this. I had no idea. It wasn't adding up. Before I reeled myself into a minor panic attack though, I figured it'd just be best to see what it was. No point in procrastinating the inevitable.

CG: OK. SURE. WHAT IS IT?

TG: if youre promising not to lead me on then arent you basically promising that we are gonna be a thing eventually

TG: i just dont want you to make a promise that you havent thought through 100% or arent sure if youre gonna be able to keep

TG: promises are serious business

I dropped my phone onto the bed below me and just stared at it for a long moment. I couldn't help the shock I was feeling in that moment. I was being called out. I knew he was doing it to protect me so that I had a chance to take back the promise, but the thing is that I didn't want to take it back … And that was just the problem. I didn't want to take it back. I … I wanted to promise Dave that we'd be a thing eventually. I wanted to be with Dave. Eventually. Was this the breakthrough he was trying to make me have? Because it was fucking working.

I started to realize that this wasn't as simple as wanting to get to know Dave first before agreeing to date him. It was much more that. I was scared to commit to someone who I wasn't sure would be in it for the long run. So I was trial-dating him. It was so fucking obvious now. I felt like such a piece of shit. But it was already done. On top of that, what was I going to do now? I couldn't just explain to him that I was afraid of commitment and then ask him out. No one in their right mind would agree to something like that. I had no idea of where to go from here. What the fuck was a guy supposed to do in a situation like this? Fuck.

I could think of at least a dozen things that would happen if this were some sort of romcom. The problem with that is that life isn't a romcom. Life is very different from movies. Much more complicated and unpredictable. In life things almost never go how you expect them to. So I couldn't logically expect that if I told Dave that I didn't want to take the promise back that he would be all fine and dandy with that. He would probably want to know if that meant we were officially dating now then. Or at least when we would be. Or something like that. Or he'd want to know why I was waiting then or what I was waiting for. And I didn't have an answer for any of those things right now.

I didn't know what exactly I wanted to do. I was content with just being whatever the hell we were right now. Nothing heavy to worry about. No concern over a major attachment or clinginess or cute gushy sentiment or whether or not his friends would like me. None of those were things I had to deal with right now and I liked it that way. I liked having my space. I didn't want to leap head first into this just yet. But at the same time, I did want to be with him. I wanted him to know that I don't like the idea of him sleeping around with people or flirting with people or anything. I wanted to make that perfectly clear.

I'm so fucking selfish. What the hell is wrong with me? Stupid Karkat. Fucking stupid. You can't just reserve someone for yourself until you're ready. That's not fair to them. I knew I'd probably have to just take back the promise and let the chips fall where they may.

I took a few deep breaths before picking up my phone again. Of course there were more messages from Dave. Obviously. I mean I'd just left him hanging for a solid ten minutes at the very least, lost in my own thoughts.

TG: karkat

TG: you still there dude

TG: sorry if i pressured you

TG: i didnt mean to at all

TG: far from it

TG: and please dont think you have to take anything back or own up to anything

TG: im not holding you to it

TG: just trying to be precautious

TG: looking out for you and all

TG: also kind of looking out for myself too

TG: because i really like spending time with you

TG: and i dont want to fuck it up by going too fast or flirting too much

TG: i really dont want to blow this or make you uncomfortable

TG: but i also dont want to get my hopes up when i see the word promise

TG: like i dont want to take what you said the wrong way

TG: i guess im just asking for clarification

TG: so now that ive put my cards on the table, i guess just take them as you will

TG: get back to me whenever

TG: im free all night so ill be here

Just when I thought I knew what I was going to say, he had to go and do that. When the hell did he get so sweet and caring and serious? Not that I minded. It was …. refreshing. But this was exactly what I meant when I said that I wanted to get to know a person first before dating them. I wanted to know more than just the side of them that they show in public or to their friends. More than just the side that's trying to be impressive and flirty. I want to know the person underneath all that smoothness and composure.

Then again, Dave was already showing me some of that. Or he was trying at least. And he was definitely showing me that he was willing to work with me and open up to me. And that said a fucking lot. So maybe I knew what my answer was then.

CG: YEAH. I'M STILL HERE.

CG: JUST KIND OF SPACED OUT FOR A WHILE THERE.

CG: THINKING ABOUT … STUFF

TG: good stuff or bad stuff

CG: A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH I GUESS.

TG: yeah

CG: SO

CG: HEAR ME OUT

TG: of course

CG: I DON'T WANT TO TAKE BACK THAT PROMISE.

CG: BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO JUMP RIGHT INTO A RELATIONSHIP IMMEDIATELY

CG: I'M … I'M ACTUALLY REALLY HAPPY WITH WHERE WE'RE AT RIGHT NOW

CG: I GUESS, I JUST DON'T WANT TO PUT THE TITLE OF A RELATIONSHIP ON IT JUST YET BECAUSE OF ALL THE IMPLICATIONS THAT THAT COMES WITH.

CG: LIKE I DON'T KNOW IF I'M READY FOR ALL THE INTIMACY AND KISSES AND HAND HOLDING AND 'I LOVE YOU'S AND ALL THAT GUSHY SHIT THAT COMES WITH IT.

CG: I LIKE THE WAY THINGS ARE NOW. HOW WE GO GET COFFEE TOGETHER AND HAVE REGULAR CONVERSATIONS AND BITCH ABOUT OUR JOBS AND WALK AROUND THE MALL FOR HOURS JUST LAUGHING AND TALKING ABOUT RANDOM SHIT.

CG: I DON'T WANT ALL THAT TO CHANGE OR GO AWAY JUST YET.

CG: I HOPE THAT MAKES SOME SORT OF SENSE.

 **Dave P.O.V.** (switching it up)

I read and re-read what he was saying a few times over. I had to take a deep breath though because this was going to get real in a minute. Did he really think that everything had to change once you're in a relationship with someone? This isn't middle school where you ask someone out and ten minutes later you're calling each other babe and saying 'i love you' and shit like that. Things didn't have to change like the flip of a switch or like a superhero getting a distress call. The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that Karkat probably hadn't been in many decent relationships before. He'd only ever mentioned one ex, and that was Terezi. So I know that shit didn't go down story that I'll save for later. Right now I had to educate this dense, beautiful, amazing boy on how healthy relationships work. And if he still wanted to wait, then that'd be fine by me. Karkat was worth waiting for.

TG: yeah kinda

TG: but im gonna be real with you right now

TG: karkat we dont have to be all mushy and shit right away if were in a relationship

TG: we can move at our own pace

TG: i mean of course i respect it if you dont want to put a title on things just yet

TG: and youre perfectly entitled to your opinion on how romance works and all

TG: not bashing anything here

TG: no judgement either

TG: i promise you that

TG: im just telling you that it doesnt have to be that way

TG: we can just casually date without laying it on thick

TG: thats absolutely an option

TG: it may sound juvenile to other people but fuck them because whats really juvenile is deciding to date someone and two seconds later calling them babe and shit

TG: thats literally what kids do

TG: now of course thats just my opinion on it

TG: but since im interested in you i wanted you to know where i stood on the whole 'how relationships work' thing

TG: and you dont have to agree with me

TG: its all completely up to you on how you want to take this and where we stand

TG: like i said ill be here

TG: and if i just blew everything then you can totally just tell me to fuck off and ill leave you alone

CG: NO

CG: NO NO

CG: FAR FROM IT

CG: JUST . . . . . LET ME GATHER MY THOUGHTS REAL QUICK

TG: ok yea

TG: take your time

I cannot begin to describe the amount of relief that washed over me. At the very least he wasn't going to tell me to fuck off. I relaxed back into the pillows on my bed and watched the dots on the screen that told me he was typing.

CG: SO, I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. ABSOLUTELY. I JUST . . . . DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT? I WANT TO BE ABLE TO BUT I JUST HONESTLY WOULDN'T KNOW HOW. LIKE . . . . I GUESS I WOULD WANT IT TO BE CLEAR THAT WE'RE DATING TO OTHER PEOPLE IF WE WERE TO DATE. SO I WOULD WANT TO BE THAT CLOSE AND LOVEY DOVEY AND ALL. AT LEAST THAT'S THE IDEA THAT I HAVE IN MY HEAD ABOUT HOW I WANT THINGS. I'M NOT 100% SURE IF ITS ACCURATE.

CG: AND I KNOW THAT'S FUCKING STUPID AND THAT OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS SHOULDN'T MATTER THAT MUCH TO ME. I JUST . . . I DON'T WANT THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN WE'RE OUT IN PUBLIC WHERE SOMEONE COMES UP AND TRIES TO FLIRT WITH YOU OR SOMETHING AND I HAVE TO FUCKING EXPLAIN TO THEM THAT YOU'RE NOT AVAILABLE. OR VICE VERSA IF YOU HAD TO EXPLAIN THAT TO SOMEONE TRYING TO FLIRT WITH ME. I WANT IT TO BE OBVIOUS THAT WE'RE A COUPLE WHEN WE DECIDE TO GO THAT ROUTE.

CG: I . . . I DUNNO. I THINK I'M JUST BEING SELFISH AND STUPID ABOUT IT. I JUST. I WANT TO WAIT BEFORE PUTTING AN OFFICIAL TITLE ON IT. JUST KIND OF GO WITH THE FLOW AND SEE HOW IT HAPPENS

CG: EVEN IF THAT MEANS THAT BY YOUR STANDARD WE'RE ALREADY DATING AND BY MY STANDARD WE AREN'T TECHNICALLY THERE YET.

CG: AGAIN, I HOPE THAT MADE SENSE.

I took another deep breath and let it out slow. He was making perfect sense. But at the same time I was completely lost. How could we be together and not together at the same time? Then I re-read his messages and it slowly started to click.

TG: so like a 'same path different pace' type thing

CG: EXACTLY

TG: so then one last question

TG: and you can slap me next time you see me if this is a totally stupid question

TG: but does this mean that im your boyfriend but youre not mine just yet

TG: or the other way around

TG: or not at all

TG: am i off base here

CG: I GUESS IT'S SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

CG: I WOULD AVOID USING THE TERM THOUGH UNTIL WE'RE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE, FOR THE SAKE OF NOT HAVING TO EXPLAIN THIS MESS TO SOMEONE IF THEY WERE TO ASK ABOUT IT.

TG: alright

TG: that makes sense

TG: im glad we had this talk too

TG: its nice to get things out in the open like that

CG: AGREED

TG: thanks for being such a great guy

CG: IF ANYTHING I SHOULD BE THANKING YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY COMPLICATED BULLSHIT AND MY DUMB ASS

TG: its not that bad

TG: give yourself a little more credit

TG: youre a lot more amazing than what you let yourself believe

CG: THANKS

TG: no problem

CG: SO . . . . . HOW WAS YOUR DAY BY THE WAY? I DIDN'T GET TO ASK EARLIER SINCE WE DOVE RIGHT INTO MY BULLSHIT

TG: it was alright

TG: nothing fancy but nothing too horrible either

TG: just another day of running discs around for the self-centered asshole whose voice is broadcasted all around in a 200 mile radius and not receiving any credit for it

TG: the usual

CG: YOU REALLY SHOULD GET A NEW JOB OR SOMETHING IF HE KEEPS BEING A DICK

CG: YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT DAVE

TG: its fine really

TG: its easy work and i get breaks pretty regularly so its not like im worried about it much

From there the conversation just progressed into the usual. We kept talking for the next couple hours until I was literally fighting to keep my eyes open long enough to reply. I was damn tired and I let him know that I'd message him again tomorrow and what time I'd be working. The text I received in response to that sent my stomach into a flurry of butterflies though.

TG: hey i gotta sleep now, but im off at 3pm tomorrow if you wanna chat again

TG: or i could probably get away with texting at work

TG: whichever floats your boar

TG: boat*

CG: I WOULDN'T WANT TO GET YOU IN TROUBLE. JUST GO AHEAD AND SLEEP.

CG: SWEET DREAMS AND I'LL TALK TO YOU TOMORROW 3

This boy was too pure and too kind for this world I fucking swear. I couldn't stop grinning at how damn adorable he was. It was just unbelievable. Too cute for words.I managed to send one last message before passing the hell out for the night.

TG: you too karkat 3


	9. Chapter 9

Dave P.O.V.

The next morning I woke up and re-read the last few messages since I couldn't really remember where we'd left off. As soon as I did, my face flushed red and my whole chest felt simultaneously tight and also light and empty-ish, like it was full of butterflies, if that was even possible. How in the hell did I even convince this amazing guy to give me the smallest sliver of a chance, I'd never know.

All in all, waking up and re-reading that just made my whole morning routine more bearable. I even got to the radio station early today, which was the first time I'd done that since a week after I'd started working there. In other words it'd been about two years since I'd been early for this bullshit. As soon as I stepped in the building and clocked in, I was handed a laundry list of shit to pull for the setlist today. Luckily my boss was in the booth and busy giving some bullshit morning report for K-NAK. It was obligatory that he did that shit before he started his music for the day and he hated it. At least it meant he couldn't bitch at me to get going already.

Nonetheless I did get going, pulling all the requested tracks and compiling quite the stack of records. Since I'd become so familiar with the bullshit organization of the place, it wasn't too difficult. Whoever thought that organizing the albums by the first song title on the album was a fucking idiot. But apparently I wasn't allowed to re-organize them according to my prick of a boss. I'd pulled about ⅓ of the list and left them on his desk so that he could set them up however he pleased. I was about to start on the next stack when my phone buzzed. I figured he had enough to keep him busy for now so I ducked around the end of a bookcase, out of the guy's line of sight, and pulled my phone out.

It was Karkat. Again. Of course. I let out a small breath and smiled.

CG: I KNOW THAT YOU'RE AT WORK, BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I HOPE YOUR BOSS GETS HIT BY A FUCKING TRUCK TODAY. OR GETS ELECTROCUTED BY HIS OWN EQUIPMENT. OR SLIPS AND FALLS OUT OF HIS CHAIR AND HITS HIS HEAD ON THE DESK, RESULTING IN A CONCUSSION. REGARDLESS, I HOPE THE PRICK GETS WHAT HE DESERVES. HOPEFULLY TODAY IS THE DAY THAT KARMA STRIKES BACK.

I did my best not to laugh at that, recognizing it as his way of saying that he hopes I have a good day without being sappy about it. It was nice. He was nice.

TG: you and me both

TG: believe me

TG: im just glad i got here in time to see him do the obligatory news and weather reports he hates doing

TG: its funny to see him pissed at something thats not me

I quickly locked my phone and hid it back in my pocket. I knew I'd be in deep shit if I was caught with it out. They were weirdly strict about shit like that here. I guess maybe they didn't want their setlists leaked or something? Whatever the reason it was fucking ridiculous.

Another hour passed before my phone buzzed again. Luckily this time I was out on a coffee run, which was literally the worst because the station manager literally knew that I skateboarded to work and couldn't just drive to places like literally every other person in the damn building. I checked my phone, expecting it to be something from someone at work like "oh i forgot something to add to the order" or "hurry the hell up im starving." Instead it was Karkat again.

CG: BY THE WAY I THINK I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR OUR NEXT GET TOGETHER.

CG: I WAS THINKING WE COULD GO WALKING AROUND THE LITTLE SHOPS DOWNTOWN AND JUST EXPLORE OR SOMETHING SIMPLE LIKE THAT.

CG: I'M FREE TUESDAY IF THAT WORKS FOR YOU. OR I'M ALSO FREE THURSDAY.

CG: LET ME KNOW WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.

TG: yeah tuesday is good

TG: ive got a half-shift that day since its a slow day so ill be out by noon

CG: AWESOME

CG: ALSO STOP TEXTING DAMNIT

CG: I DON'T WANT TO BE THE REASON YOU GET IN TROUBLE

TG: no worries my man

TG: im on a coffee run at the moment

TG: so theres no one to tell me that i cant be on my phone

CG: OH GOD THEY REALLY MAKE YOU DO SHIT LIKE THAT

TG: yeah

TG: im basically a paid intern

CG: GLORIFIED INTERNSHIP

TG: essentially

TG: hell im just glad they pay me at all though

TG: as annoying as this shit is its fucking easy

CG: I FUCKING GUESS, BUT IT'S STILL SHITTY THAT THEY DON'T TREAT YOU BETTER. YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO MORE THERE CONSIDERING YOU'RE LITERALLY A NIGHTCLUB DJ.

TG: one step at a time karks

TG: i will get there eventually

TG: they dont care about what i do in my free time

TG: they dont see it as remotely the same thing as being a radio personality

TG: but theyll recognize me someday

TG: it might take the frog croaking for me to get there

TG: but itll happen in due time

CG: I GUESS. I HOPE SO. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

TG: thanks

CG: NOW GET BACK TO WORK YOU DICKASS

TG: dickass

TG: really

CG: SHUT UP. IT WAS THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO MIND. JUST GET THEM THEIR COFFEE BEFORE THEY GET OUT THE GUILLOTINE AND IT'S OFF WITH YOUR HEAD.

TG: yes sir lucifer sir

My phone buzzed again and I was about 900% sure it was Karkat coming back with something witty. Probably something to further throw us back to our first banter. I just snickered and started heading back to the station with all 6 coffee drinks and a bag of pastries balanced in my hands. It's a damn good thing I had balance because skateboarding while carrying all that is not an easy feat by any means.

When I got back there was absolutely no thanks, as usual. Just blank faces that lit up some at the sight of their coffee and honed in on that shit like it was the only thing in the room. It was like a ghost was delivering coffee to them. They didn't know or care how it got there so long as they got their damn caffeine fix. I rolled my eyes behind my shades and went back to pulling tracks and putting away the ones that we'd already burned through so far. It was boring, routine, and most of all fucking time consuming.

For once I had to pull an album that I actually held some respect for and had interest in. How in the hell my boss finally heard about Marianas Trench I'd never fucking know but I was glad as hell to pull out the Masterpiece Theatre album. It reminded me about how the song "All To Myself" had been put into the new mix we were showcasing tonight. Then it hit me that I completely and totally forgot to invite Karkat to come check that out. The damn mix I'd made with that song was essentially dedicated to him. I had no idea how it'd slipped my mind to invite the inspiration to the showcasing of the masterpiece from Masterpiece Theatre.

I set the album down in the stack and whipped out my phone right then, urgently messaging Karkat about it before I forgot again. Of course his earlier message was still sitting there for me.

CG: FUCK YOU

Ever the eloquent gentleman he was.

TG: ive gotta be quick because i could probably get in trouble right now for texting

TG: but i forgot to tell you that dirk and i have a new set were showcasing tonight

TG: at blow out

TG: you should totally come check it out

TG: not gonna lie youd be like a guest of honor practically

TG: though we cant let you on stage again or security would have my ass

Before I could even get a reply back, I heard my name being barked and I fucking jumped. I locked my phone and shoved it behind my back as I turned around.

"Yeah? What's up?"

"Why are you on your phone when you should be working?" It was the studio manager. My boss. The booth guy. The guy who's so much of a dick that I refuse to use his name. In fact let's just make his name Dick. It suits him.

"Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh really? Then what is it that you're hiding behind your back?"

"Nothing sir. Just standing at attention sir." And with that I pulled a fake salut, attempting to get away with it. It's not like they could take my phone or anything but I'd yet to get in real trouble here and I didn't want to start today.

" …. Ok. Whatever. Just get back to work and stop being so fucking weird." He hissed. As soon as he turned around I breathed a sigh of relief and let my arms fall back by my sides. I walked over behind the bookcase again and whipped my phone back out. As soon as I unlocked it a message popped up.

CG: I WON'T BE TRYING TO JUMP UP ON ANY STAGES ANYTIME SOON. AT LEAST NOT WHILE SOBER. I CAN'T PROMISE ANYTHING AFTER A FEW DRINKS.

CG: BUT YES, I'LL BE THERE TONIGHT.

CG: ALSO I CAN SEE YOU'RE READING THESE AS I'M SENDING THEM. DON'T FUCKING GET IN TROUBLE. PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY.

And of course, for once I should've listened to him. I started to type my reply, leaning against the wood behind me, when out of nowhere the same fucking guy popped out with a smug grin.

"I fucking knew it. You lying little shit. You were on your phone."

"Fuck." I muttered under my breath.

"You're so damn busted. I'll consider the texting a part of your 15. Take the last five minutes to finish whatever the fuck and then come see me in the booth." Dick seethed. He was clearly pissed. This was not good.

"Ok." I nodded and figured the best way to not make it worse was to shut up and comply. I walked to the break room and let my head slump to the table. I picked up my phone again,

TG: so dont get mad

TG: i got busted on my phone

TG: probably just going to get a slap on the wrist

TG: im on a 5 minute break now and afterwards ive gotta go to the booth to get chewed out

CG: YOU'RE FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT?

CG: THATS THE EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKING DO

CG: . . . JUST LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES, OK

TG: will do

TG: but probably after i get off

TG: im not risking taking my phone out again today

TG: not really looking forward to getting a write up or fired or anything

TG: this guy has the worst temper

TG: two hits in one day and i might be out of a job

CG: SMART PLAN

CG: I'LL MESSAGE YOU LATER THEN

TG: yeah

TG: ttyl

I picked myself up and made my way to the booth, prepared for the ass-chewing of the day. I knocked on the door first to make sure it was clear. He held up a finger, signaling for me to wait. Classic Dick. He pressed a few buttons and flipped a switch, probably turning off the mic, before coming over and opening the door. I silently walked past and stood in the corner. There was only one chair in the room and like hell if I was going to dig myself a deeper hole by stealing his seat.

"So do you know what you did wrong?"

"I was on my phone." I said in a monotone. This was patronizing as hell. I wasn't a child that needed a lesson on what to do and what not to do.

"Yeah. You were on your phone. And do you know why that's a problem?"

"I'm not being paid to be on my phone?" I sighed. The typical boss to employee bullshit, of course he'd fucking go there. I folded my arms over my chest to keep from being too expressive at the moment.

"Smart kid. Exactly. It's wasting the company's time and money."

' _So is this bullshit_.' I thought. "Ok, can I go back to work now?"

"In a minute. First you need to sign off on this, saying you understand and were notified." Dick handed me a slip of paper. I scanned it over and gritted my teeth.

"You're writing me up? What happened to a first warning?" I tried not to shout but honestly I was kind of pissed about this. It was so fucking stupid. The cell phone rule was a stupid rule to begin with and it's not like I was the only one that broke it. I was literally just the only person who got in trouble for it.

"You got your first warning when you lied to me about being on your phone. Now sign the paper and get back to work."

"Fine." I snipped, snatching the damn thing up and stealing a pen from his desk.

"You should really be thanking me. I could've made it so much worse and written you up twice for the two times I caught you today. But instead you get off with one. Four more and you're fired though, you know the drill." Dick really didn't know when to keep his mouth shut apparently. I signed my name and gripped the pen so hard it almost snapped. As soon as he stopped I just left the paper and pen on his desk and stormed back out to the record library.

I paced around for the first few minutes, just trying to keep my cool about the whole thing because it was really starting to get to me. Why in the hell should I be in trouble for being on my phone for a couple of seconds when this douche was literally on his phone all fucking day, just letting tracks play. Sure he was the 'mastermind' behind the setlist but that's all he fucking did was select tracks to play and have me fetch them for him. It was fucking annoying as all hell.

My mind continued on that tangent, just going over the same fucking facts and being pissed about them. Then I stopped pacing, took a deep breath and tried to push it to the side. I had to find something positive to focus on for the moment or I'd definitely need to go take a breather. I decided to think back to the messages that got me in trouble in the first place. At least Karkat was going to be coming to the show tonight. That much was a relief. Just thinking about Karkat in general got me a little calmer. Him and his grumpy attitude and his soft music and adorable smile that he tried to hide so damn often. Just like that I was fine again. So I picked up the list of shit to do and got back to work, pulling vinyls and stacking them, trading them for the ones he already played, putting them back and grabbing new ones, and repeat.

By the time 3pm rolled around it was a damn blessing. I was so fucking happy to get the hell out of there. I went ahead and called Karkat on the phone because I was honestly that eager to hear his voice right now. It would probably help a significant amount after the day I'd had, and a great deal more than messaging.

"Hello?" He answered, sounding confused and slightly frustrated.

"Hey, it's me, Dave."

"Oh? Oh. Hey, what's up?" He sounded pretty rushed actually, but his voice softened some when he realized it was me.

"I just got off work and figured I'd call, but if it's a bad time I can always call back later." I got on my board and started skating across town towards home.

He sighed. "Yeah. Sorry. Work fucking called me in at the last minute. Apparently we got swamped randomly. Like a whole goddamn bus of people stopped by the restaurant. Meenah, fucking idiot, didn't schedule enough servers so I have to rush in and save their sorry asses. I was just about to leave when you called."

"Yikes. That sounds …. not fun. My bad, I should probably let you go then."

"No, no. You're fine. It gives me time to finish my cigarette before I take off. I can spare a minute." I heard the click of his lighter and rolled my eyes some, smiling. Of course he'd use any excuse he could to procrastinate a moment longer.

"Alright …. Wait so if you're going in, are you going to be able to make it to Blow-Out tonight?" I asked, immediately worried he might miss the reveal of a track literally dedicated to him. He had to be there or I wouldn't be playing much of anything new at all tonight. Most of the new stuff was either a team effort or stuff that Dirk finally deemed good enough to show off.

"I'm gonna damn well try. Meenah said they only need me until the rush is over." He paused and I could hear him take a drag from his cigarette. For some reason, it was a calming. "But from the sounds of it, these are tourist dickheads who were out seeing some fucking vineyard or something. Drunks essentially." Another audible drag and slow exhale. "They tend to be the type of customers who stay for quite a few hours if not the whole goddamn night. Maybe I can mention the club and scoot some of them your way though, get them out of my ass so I get can my ass there in time." He chuckled. Just then I almost skateboarded into a fucking light pole.

"Oh shit." I jumped off and used my free hand to grab the pole, swinging halfway around it and managing a rocky landing. At least I didn't totally faceplant. The board however hit the pole dead on and started rolling backwards. Miraculously I didn't drop my phone, so at least there was that.

"What the fuck was that? Are you ok?" At least he sounded genuinely concerned.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just uh, fell off my board. No worries." Fucking smooth Strider. I chased down the board and scooped it up, deciding to just walk for now since I was on the phone.

"Oh my god. You were skateboarding this whole time? That's fucking amazing. I'd have fallen off way before now." He was laughing, but there was still a hint of something else there as well, beyond the amusement. Almost like he thought it was cute that I just basically ate it.

"Dude, do you actually know how to skate?" I asked, shifting the topic some to avoid getting majorly embarrassed.

"No. But that's why I'd have fucking fallen way before that point. My balance is absolute shit."

I hesitated before just going for it. "Do you want to learn sometime?"

"Eh. It's not totally important to me, but sure. Why the hell not? I'd at least give it a fucking try." In the background I heard him start his car.

"Cool….. So uh, I guess you've gotta go now? Probably shouldn't be on the phone while driving."

"I mean, I was going to put you on speaker and rest the phone in the fucking passenger seat, but if you wanna hang up we can always talk later. I'm sure you have better things to do with your free time."

"No no. If you've got a few more minutes, I'm absolutely glad to occupy them." I smirked.

"Of course you are." I could practically hear him rolling his eyes.

"So how was your day so far?" I was a little more than halfway home by now and I started to consider high-tailing it to Hit the Deck just to go bother him. I decided against it when I heard him sigh, even with the phone being so far from his face. He'd had a rough time, clearly. That or something was bothering him. I didn't want to make shit worse.

"Not too terrible. Other than getting you in trouble at your job, spilling goddamn lava temperature hot chocolate all over myself, the floor, and the couch, and being called in for a random shift that I actually really did not want to fucking take, it's been pretty damn nice." There was a hefty deal of sarcasm dripping in that statement. He was not having a good day at all from the sounds of it.

"Ouch. Lava chocolate? Are you alright? Any blistering or reason to see a doctor?" I mentally cursed at how flat those questions came out and hoped to high hell that he knew I was being serious here, despite my vocal tone failure.

"Oh I'm fucking fine. I jumped in a cold shower immediately to soothe the burns. My skin is absolutely peachy and blister-free. The carpet on the other hand is going to be an issue that can only be solved by renting a carpet cleaner machine or by paying someone else to do it." He grumbled.

"I could always ask around and see if any of my friends have one that you could borrow. I wouldn't doubt Rose or Kanaya keeping one on hand."

"It's fine, really. You don't need to go through the trouble. I have people I could ask too, but I'm not about to admit to spilling shit all over myself like a fucking five year old. I'm fine with renting the fucking equipment."

"It's no trouble at all, kitkat-" I froze.

"Stop calling me that." He groaned, sounding very much annoyed and exasperated by the fact I'd used that nickname _again_. If I weren't on the phone I would've facepalmed. I knew how much he didn't like me calling him that and yet here I was, continuing to use it and let it slip without regard for his feelings about it. I really needed to work on thinking before I opened my damn mouth.

"Right, sorry, my bad. I just have a shit habit of coming up with nicknames for people regardless of whether or not they wanted one in the first place. I'll work on it." It was a lame excuse on my part but at the same time it was true. This was just one of the first times someone so persistently declined a nickname my dumb ass had given them.

"That sounds like absolute horeshit. But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Better yet, I'll come up with a terrible nickname for you that you hate so that every time you slip up, I'll have something to come back at you with." I couldn't help but smile. This guy was such a cute asshole.

"That sounds pretty fair. But good luck finding a nickname that I'll hate as much as you hate that one."

"Whatever you say, princess." It was a fair attempt, I'll give him that. But if that was the best he had then he was going to lose very quickly.

"That's fine. As long as you promise to be my prince charming and sweep me off my feet someday." I winked, even though I knew he couldn't see it through the phone.

"Fuck. Ok. That was pretty damn smooth. But I promise you, I'll come up with something better. Something that you'll actually hate. A name so goddamn annoying that you'd honestly rather rip your fucking ears off than be called by it even one more time." I could hear him chuckling softly. Asshole was getting a kick out of this. For someone with a penchant for romance movies and soft music, he sure could be damn violent when he wanted to be.

"We'll see about that." I made sure that my tone was dripping with smugness because it was entertaining as hell to get this guy riled up.

"We definitely fucking will. I've got this in the fucking bag. You've yet to see how many terrible nicknames I can think of. I do this shit for a living." I heard the car engine cut out and knew that he'd just arrived at the restaurant.

"Oh but I don't want just any old recycled name that you call your customers. I want a personalized name. Something that comes from the heart, man." If only we could've been having this conversation in person. I'd put on my best puppy dog pout and he'd probably just roll his eyes or smack my arm or something.

"Oh don't worry. It'll definitely come from the deepest, blackest pit in my heart. You can fucking bet on that." I heard the slam of the car door and knew the call was coming to an end. I wished it wasn't but I knew that work wasn't something that could be avoided.

"Isn't that basically the whole thing?" I kidded.

"Fuck you." He laughed. "I've gotta go now, seriously. I'll see you later tonight." The fondness in his tone right then made something ache in my chest. It was a nice ache though.

"Alright. See you later. Don't kill anyone at work and try to have a good shift." I grinned.

"You too. Bye."

"Bye."

And just like that the phone call was over. I was running on endorphins or some shit because damn I was high in the sky right now. Work wasn't even bothering me anymore, surprisingly. I had it bad for this boy, that much was clear. I stopped to take a look around at where I was, because at some point I'd stopped paying attention to where I'd been walking to. After assessing, I realized that I'd actually walked past my house already. I groaned and turned around, heading back in the proper direction. I needed to get a shower, change, and get my ass over to Dirk's place so that we could go over some shit about the setlist for tonight.

An hour later I was bathed, clothed, and at Dirk's doorstep. When I went to check the usual hiding spot for the spare key, it wasn't there. I thought that was a little weird but shrugged as I rang the doorbell instead. To my complete fucking surprise, Dirk wasn't the one who answered the door.

"Oh. Hello chap. Dirk hadn't mentioned you'd be coming over but I'm sure he won't mind if I let you in." Jake answered. Jake fucking English was in Dirk's apartment? What the hell had I missed in the past few days? Dirk had some explaining to do when I figured out just where the fuck he was.


	10. Chapter 10

Dave P.O.V.

Jake had stepped to the side to let me in like the gentleman he always was. I glanced around the room and found it completely devoid of the blond I'd come here to talk to. "Sup …. Where's Dirk?"

"Oh! Right! He's washing up. You know how he is with that water tap, takes at least an hour before he's dubbed himself clean enough." He chuckled, looking towards the hall. I assumed by context clues that Dirk was in the shower. Or that Jake thought he took an hour to wash his hands and was some type of germophobe.

"Alright …. So what brings you here?" I asked, moving to sit on the couch and chill for a while. Jake shut the door and moved to sit on the opposite side of the couch from me.

"Ah, well. That's …. That is a very good question, isn't it?" He chuckled nervously and I immediately caught on. He was opening his mouth as if he was going to explain and then shutting it, like he couldn't find the words.

"I mean, obviously you're here for Dirk, right?" I supplied.

"Yes. Of course. I, ah. Just got here not long before you did actually. Been waiting on him for at least twenty minutes now." Jake was fucking awful at lying.

"Right … nice shirt by the way." I smirked, knowing for a fact that he was wearing one of Dirk's shirts. He seemed to get even more flustered by that comment.

"Golly gosh. This ol' thing. I spilled soda on myself is all and your brother is just the sort of nice chap to let me borrow his." A decent excuse, I'll give him that. But Dirk being Dirk would've just cleaned up the stain on the shirt or washed it and let Jake wander around shirtless.

I simply made a 'hm' noise in acknowledgement and grabbed the TV remote. The news was on for some reason. Apparently some guy had thrown on a Halloween costume and held up the 7-11.

"Good golly, a bloke really held the place up just for some donuts? That's friggin ridiculous." Jake exclaimed, clearly trying to break the silence.

"People go to 7-11 for things other than donuts, Jake."

"Don't know why they would. Not much else is worth the pretty penny you pay for it there. It's all absolute rubbish." He half-mumbled.

"To each their own I guess." I shrugged and started flipping through channels.

"Ooh. Ancient Aliens is on. Press the info button, I want to see which one it is. " Jake beamed. So I did. "Oh bother, nevermind. I've already seen that one a dozen times." And just like that he deflated. I decided on leaving it on cartoon network for a while, sort of just spacing out. It wasn't long until Dirk wandered into the living room with one towel around his waist and another on his head, covering his wet hair.

"So I was thinking we could grab some lunch or something before- oh shit. Dave. Didn't know you were coming over so soon." My brother. I swear.

"Dude its fucking 5 already. We've got sound check at 6:30." I deadpanned.

"I didn't know you two were playing again tonight." Jake chimed in. I shot Dirk a look that said 'you know if you don't invite him tonight then I will,'

"I was gonna mention it when I got out of the shower. It sort of slipped my mind earlier, as you can imagine." He then stared at Jake, trying to communicate something, and I picked up on the context clues. They had sex this morning.

"Right-o. My bad there chap." Jake gave another nervous chuckle.

"Well …..." Dirk clapped his hands together. "On that note, I'm gonna go put some pants on and dry my hair."

"Good idea. I'll keep your guest company." I quipped.

"You're both my guests, but sure, whatever. Help yourself to anything in the fridge while you're at it." And just like that he hurried back to his room to get himself put together.

And as soon as I realized what Dirk had failed to do and the fact that he was probably going to chicken out, I seized the opportunity. "So Jake, we're actually showcasing a new set tonight. If you wanna tag along and check it out you're more than welcome. I'm sure Dirk would love to have someone there to support him."

"That sounds swell. I'd be everfriggin delighted." And just like that, Dirk owed me again because he didn't hold up his end of the bargain and invite Jake himself. I made a mental note to discuss that with him later though.

It was at least twenty more minutes before Dirk came out again, his hair only half dried and kind of a mess compared to how he normally styled it. At least he had clothes on this time though.

"So, I guess we're just going to have to swing by a fast food place then. Since we've only got about half an hour to get there."

"Ok." I shrugged. Jake groaned in protest though. He really didn't like the idea of fast food. He was always more of the 'home cooked meal' type.

"I'm sorry your highness. You had full access to the kitchen while I was showering though. You could've made something if you were hungry." Dirk said sarcastically.

Jake huffed. "You know right well that I don't just go poking about others kitchens without them being present. That's just friggin rude and I'm not the sort to impose in someone else's household."

"It's not rude if I'm literally giving you the permission to do it." Dirk shot back with a raised eyebrow. Jake didn't seem to have anything else to say about that. "If it makes you feel any better you can pick where we go. As long as it's quick and we can take it to go."

"I'll see what I can do for a compromise." He mumbled.

Half an hour later we were pulling up to the club's back entrance with Subway sandwiches in hand. Jake and his penchant for eating healthy and all, it was either that or Chipotle. And there was no way in hell Dirk or I were going to risk getting burrito butt while working the new set. Blowing up the bathroom at the club would chase people away faster than anything. It just wasn't going to be a good night if Chipotle was the option. Point blank.

Instead of having Jake help with the grunt work of carrying all the amps and helping set up, Dirk led him back to our 'dressing room'. In reality it was just one of the backstage lounges, but they'd let us use it on the nights that we worked. So, left to do all the setup myself, I got to work.

When it was all nearly done, Dirk came back out to help, sporting a fresh red hickey on his neck that was pretty damn obvious. I rolled my eyes and stepped back, letting him do the rest himself.

"Dude, you should've worn a turtleneck if you were gonna do that shit. Under all those lights, that's gonna stick out like an emo kid at a country music festival."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He seemed genuinely confused.

"Bro, Jake left a huge fucking hickey right in plain sight on your neck. I'm glad you guys are on again, but damn. He's really hitting it hard this time."

"Holy shit. You're joking right?" Dirk whipped out his phone and used the camera to look at his neck. "Fuck. I told him not to leave any noticeable marks. Goddamn it."

"If you have some makeup I can at least make it not look as red." I offered.

He deadpanned. "Do I look like the kind of guy who carries foundation around with him in his pockets."

"No you look like the kind of guy who carries a lighter, forty seven cents, and a pack of month old gum in your pockets." I said passively.

"Jesus christ dude. Normally I'd get super introspective about what you just said, and it's probably a fucking insult. But now is not the time. Do you know if Roxy works tonight? She always has extra shit in her purse."

"Yeah but she won't be in until 7. You know, when our set starts."

"Fuck. Can you start with your stuff then? Just buy me some time?" He seemed to be actually having a meltdown right now. I'd forgotten just how much he cared about shit like this. He hated having noticeable hickeys. Something about his pride or his image or some shit I guess? I'd never really asked him.

"Sure, I guess. But then you double owe me."

"Double?"

"You didn't invite Jake tonight. I had to do it for you just to get him here."

"You didn't give me a chance. I was in the shower." He protested.

"You had the whole morning with him. And presumably last night too."

"... Fuck. Point taken. I'm gonna go text Roxy and ask her if she can try and get here a few minutes early."

"You do that. I'll be here taking care of sound check."

Karkat P.O.V.

When Meenah had said that the place was slammed, she wasn't fucking kidding. There was hardly an empty table in the house. In fact, as soon as she saw the second bus pull up she'd had everyone pull out all the extra tables in the house and cram them out onto the dining floor. The bar had at least five extra stools crammed in around it as well. Roxy was out at 6 too so that meant that we had to deal with Cronus being thrown into working the bar after that. Hopefully I would be out of here soon after that so none of my tables drinks would get messed up. It's not that I thought Cronus would be bad at bartending so much as I knew for a fact that an inexperienced bartender wouldn't be able to handle a crowd like this.

Regardless of the shift switches, I was running my ass off. The only bright side was that dealing with this many people made the insults really easy to come by. Just about anybody would get what they were expecting by coming here right now since almost everyone was getting greeted with "You really had to fucking come here tonight of all nights, you fucking asswipe? We're fucking slammed thanks to you." Or something along those lines. Every single server was stressed out to the nines and we were definitely letting it out on the customers. I really did have the best job in the fucking world.

Miraculously I managed to get all of my checks closed around the same time and before Vriska could seat anyone else in my section. (Thank you Sollux for being a slow ass busboy and not clearing my tables just yet.) I checked the time while in the back and realized that Dave's show was about to start in like 15 minutes. I bolted to Meenah's office and composed myself before just letting myself in.

"Can I ask you a really fucking huge favor?"

"Karks what are you doin in here? Don't you have tables to take care a?" She asked, ignoring my question altogether.

"I dropped all their checks off. A miracle, I know, but they all finished around the same time. Speaking of, I need to leave. Like right now."

"Clam down. What's the rush? Somebody die?"

"No. I just- It's a long story but basically I fucking promised a certain someone that I'd be somewhere at 7 tonight and if I don't leave now then I won't be there on time or likely at all with how fucking busy we are."

"You had a date tonight an you came in anyway? Are you glubbin crazy?"

"It's not a fucking date! It's just, ugh. It's complicated."

"Whale, I'm gonna need more explanation than that."

I facepalmed and groaned. "Fine. I promised Dave that I'd come see his show tonight and if that all goes well then I fucking guess I could have a date. It's going really well and I don't want to fucking obliterate it. If you still need help afterwards I can always run back, but I really need to make this show. Please? I never fucking ask you for anything really. Just this one time, please?"

"I shoulda known that boy was gonna cause trouble." She sighed. "Whateva kat. You're free to go. I'll be needin your apron though. We're still short staffed an those tables ain't gonna serve themselves." She then stood up and buttoned a few more buttons on her blouse to seem more presentable. I assumed that meant she was going to be taking my place and waiting tables.

"Thank you. Thank you so fucking much." I hugged her and she froze, apparently shocked by it. I didn't have time to dwell on it though. I untied my apron, pulled out the tips I'd already made that night, and threw the empty cloth at her.

"Yea yea. This is a one time deal, ok? I ain't gonna go throwin on the uniform every time you wanna go run off with your boytoy. You betta appreciate this."

"I know, I do. Thanks so much. Gotta run, bye." And just like that I sprinted out of the building.

I fumbled with my car keys some while trying to unlock the door and cussed myself out for it, out loud, in the fucking parking lot. By the time I finally got in my car and the engine started, people were definitely staring at me. Great. I collected myself and lit up a cigarette to help take the edge off my nerves. I wouldn't be able to drive while running on this much adrenaline. I needed to take it down a notch. I checked the time again. Only seven minutes to get there now.

"Shit." I muttered to myself, tossing the cigarette out the window and putting the car in gear. I pulled out of the parking lot and headed across town.

After speeding at least 15 over the limit and running a red light (in my defense there were no other cars around and I did sit there for 3 full minutes waiting for it to change before I ran it), I finally made it there. The time was 7:06. Hopefully it wouldn't be noticeable that I was late. I prayed that it was busy so that I could make the excuse that he just hadn't seen me in the crowd.

I took a deep breath and checked my hair in the mirror, mostly for a confidence boost. I looked like shit though so it didn't do much for me. I decided not to procrastinate any longer and got my ass inside the building.

Dave was already up on stage in the middle of playing a track and monitoring it, not like I expected any different. It was pretty crowded though, so I decided to cut through a throng of people on the dancefloor and made it seem like that was where I'd been the whole time. I headed for an open booth near the front of the stage, hoping Dave would see me on my way there. He did. I waved. He nodded at me and smiled before turning back to the monitor.

When I finally found my seat a waitress came by and offered to get me a drink. I had to explain to her that I wasn't here to order anything, just a friend of the DJ. She then tried to give me a drink on the house, boasting something like "Any friend of Daves is a friend of mine."

I rolled my eyes at her and just told her point blank. "If you actually were his friend, he would've mentioned you to me at least once or twice and you would definitely know who the fuck I am. So stop trying to be coy and leave me alone. Please and thanks." She seemed kind of put off after that, but left me alone after that for the most part.

By the time I got settled in, the song that had been playing when I got here ended. Normally I wouldn't pay much mind to that, but Dave had stopped playing anything at all and it was weirdly quiet in the club. I glanced at him and he was staring straight at me, microphone in hand. My stomach erupted in nervous butterflies. I could just tell he was about to do something extremely embarrassing on my part.

"Hey. If I could just get everyone's attention for a second." He paused and someone in the crowd yelled "Play some music already".

"Yeah. I'm getting to that." He chuckled. "I just wanted to say that this next track was inspired by someone I've been spending a lot of time with lately. I hope he enjoys it as much as I enjoy his company." A pause. "Sorry for being sappy. I'll get back to your regularly scheduled program here guys." Then he put the microphone back on its stand and cued up the track.

Marianas Trench. I recognized it almost instantly. I couldn't really tell what he'd mashed it up with but it sounded good. Really good. I found myself getting up and gravitating towards the edge of the stage. All I could think was 'Holy shit my face had never been so red without being caused by a joke at my expense.'

I got lost in the music easily, being on the dancefloor listening to a song that was literally dedicated to and inspired by me. I stared up at Dave as I danced a little and he stared right back. I probably looked really out of place, dressed up like I was in my work attire. But that didn't matter as much as this moment. This connection. This feeling. It was absolutely electric. It was breathtaking. It was … dare I say it, fucking magic.

After the song was over there was a lot of clapping and wolf-whistling. I couldn't help it when the blush returned to my face. Dave had essentially just made a grand gesture of romance in public and I had no idea how to handle it. Lucky for me, he didn't make a big deal about it or make it super obvious that it was me that the song was for, so there was less to worry about. He just went about playing the next track, a huge grin on his face as he kept stealing glances at me.

A few tracks later Dirk popped in and took over, shooing Dave off the stage. Not many people seemed to notice apparently, only caring that there was still music playing overhead. I couldn't tell where Dave was going but he disappeared somewhere backstage. I went and headed towards the bar to ask Roxy about possibly getting back there when my phone buzzed.

TG: glad you made it

TG: meet me out back

CG: ON MY WAY

And just like that I left and walked around to the back of the building. Dave was waiting there, keeping the back door propped open with his foot. My breath caught in my throat for a second as I realized that I had no idea what I was going to say to him about the song.

"Hey." He greeted casually. Well I guess that's one fucking way to start talking. Say something back, Karkat you fucking idiot.

"Hello." I mentally slapped myself. Way to be fucking awkward.

"So uh, you made it."

"Fucking barely, but yeah. I mean I had to beg Meenah to let me fucking go because I didn't even get a second to breathe until it was like fifteen goddamn minutes away and so I had to rush and I was speeding the _entire fucking time_ and I ran a red light on the way here but there weren't any damn cops around or any other cars so I guess that makes it ok somehow, right, and it's just been a hectic crazy fucking night, and then you, you and your sneaky tricks there mister, you fucking pulled the wool over my eyes there and caught me by surprise by dedicating that song to me, god that was fucking embarrassing as all hell, you goddamn asshole."

"Karkat." He brought me out of my thoughts. "Breathe. You're rambling. I don't want you passing out from lack of oxygen."

"Fuck you!" I outbursted, clearly too worked up to respond properly. Dave looked slightly hurt and I wanted to kick myself. "Shit. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I was just … y'know. I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's alright. I get it. You've had a crazy night." He stepped towards me, looking like he was about to offer a hug or some comfort of some sort. Then the door that his foot had been holding open, slammed shut really fucking loudly and scared me half to death. We both jumped and every nerve in my body was on edge. "Aaaand now we're locked out." Dave sighed.

"Again, I'm sorry."

"No, no. That one was my fault. Totally on me. I'll just text Dirk about it when it's time to go back in. But for now, … I just want to hang out with you." We walked a little and both sat on the edge of the sidewalk next to each other.

"That would be romantic as hell if we weren't right next to a dumpster." I mumbled, getting Dave to smile and snort at me.

"Dude really?"

"What? It's fucking true." I defended. He just broke out into laughter and after a second I joined him.

"God, we are a fucking mess." Dave exclaimed once we'd calmed down.

"Speak for yourself. I've moved past the mess tier a long time ago. I've gotta at least be at fucking public toilet tier by now." I joked.

"Gross."

"Yeah."

"Were you genuinely mad at me for dedicating that mix to you?" He asked.

"No. More shocked. Kind of embarrassed. But it was … sweet. No one's ever done something like that for me before." I smiled, looking down at my hands that were suddenly very interesting.

"Cool. I'm glad you liked it."

"I'm glad you made it. I mean. Like I'm glad you were inspired by me. Fuck, that's not quite right either. What I mean is, I'm glad I could help. I guess." I was just a goddamn mess right now.

"It's cool. I know what you mean." And just like that it was silent again for a long time. We both just sort of sat there looking down at our feet. I stole a glance only to find that Dave was just looking away from stealing a glance of his own. I smiled to myself and let my hand fall non-suspiciously between us. I heard him huff a silent chuckle and then felt his hand right next to mine. My move. I fucking went for it and grabbed his hand, lacing our fingers together.

"So I never did think of a better shitty nickname for you." I mused aloud.

"That's alright. You've got time. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

"I fucking hope not. Who else would I go get coffee with?" I grinned.

"Doesn't your roommate work at Starbucks though? I'm sure he'd get coffee with you if you asked." Dave pointed out, giving my hand a light squeeze. I squeezed back.

"Like hell I'd want to go there with him. I see enough of him at home. I don't need to spend more time with him. He's not exactly the easiest guy to be around 24/7."

"I'm sure his boyfriend begs to differ."

"Oh no. They're both insufferable assholes and they know it. They complete each other in the worst kind of way. Never invite them both somewhere unless you want them to ditch you, or annoy you until you're forced to try and ditch them."

"That bad?"

"Maybe …. Probably not. I just have a low tolerance for bullshit."

"Amongst other things." He chuckled, and I punched him lightly in the shoulder with my free hand..

"Fuck you. Blame Roxy for not cutting me off."

"Fine, fine. I'll let that one slide for now." He grinned. The damn charming asshole.

And again it was silent for a long moment. He started rubbing his thumb against my hand and I just sighed, looking up at the night sky. Light pollution caused a great lack of stars for viewing, but it was still a nice calm night. Gentle breeze blowing and not many people outside due to the show happening in the club.

"So-"

"Hey-"

We both tried to speak at the same time, sort of cutting each other off.

"You go first." I offered.

"No, go ahead. I insist."

"Dave, seriously, just say what you were going to say."

"No, no. I interrupted you. Go ahead."

I groaned and caved.

"Fine." I took a moment to collect my thoughts. "So, um." and another pause. "Well, I just-" I could not find the fucking words right now and it was killing me. He was so close to me and warm compared to the late fall air. Not to mention his lips looked inviting as hell right now. "Would it be ok if we…?"

"We?" He asked.

"If we … y'know." I glanced at his face and then down to his lips and back again, biting my own lip as I did so.

He lifted his shades to the top of his head and smiled genuinely at me. "If we kissed?" He offered.

I nodded, lost in the sight of his eyes. They were the most interesting and attractive mix of brown and red. More red than anything, and absolutely stunning. Before I knew what was happening, we were almost nose to nose, hesitating just a breath away from each other. I watched those red eyes slide shut and something in my chest fluttered alive as I followed suit, closing the distance.

The kiss lasted about six seconds, and they were the best six seconds of my life so far. His lips were much softer than I'd expected, and it made me want to just keep kissing him. I didn't though. And I was more than content with the one perfect kiss we'd just had.

When we pulled apart, I rested my head on his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around me. I was grinning from ear to ear, and I could feel the grin on his face as well as he rested his head against mine. We didn't say much for a long time, just content sighs and cuddling on a shitty curbside by a dumpster outside the club Dave worked at. Absolutely perfect.


	11. Chapter 11

Dave P.O.V.

Not even twenty minutes after Karkat and I had our first kiss, Jake fucking popped his head out the back door to check on me. Apparently it was my cue to head back inside and finish out the set. I really didn't want to leave that spot on the curb, but work was work and I was getting paid for this. I offered for Karkat to come inside and chill with Jake backstage until we were done with the set. He agreed hesitantly.

The next time I saw him was out in the parking lot, smoking a cigarette.

"Hey, what's up?" I greeted him, walking up from behind.

"Not much. Just needed some fresh air." He replied. I raised an eyebrow at him, finding some irony in him needing fresh air while polluting the air. He shrugged and dropped the cig, stamping it out with his foot.

We leaned against the brick wall and chatted for a bit longer before some fan came up and tried to butt in, fawning over how great my music was. Then she started trying to flirt with me, clearly looking for a hookup. I was going to handle it on my own, before Karkat cut in.

"Hey, bimbo. You know that song he made a dedication for at the beginning of the set? Yeah. That was for me. He's not available anymore. And he's sure as fuck not interested in a dumb slut like you. So why don't you go fuck off to someone who actually gives a shit and take your fake tits with you." And just like that, the lady walked away without another word.

I looked at Karkat with wide eyes and just stared at him.

"What?" He asked.

"Dude, where the hell did that come from?" I was less angry and more in amused shock. I'd never heard Karkat genuinely tell someone off like that. It was kind of hot in all honesty, what with how protective he was.

"She was being a slut, I told her to lay off. Simple as that." He shrugged.

"So, … I'm not available anymore?" I teased.

"Damn right you're not. I hate to break it to you, but you're exclusively mine now." As he said it, he pulled me closer by the front of my shirt. Being this close I could still smell the tobacco on his breath. I didn't care though because it was damn hot and he was smoking and I was melting. Despite him being shorter than me, he managed to make me feel very small in that moment and it was incredibly enticing to the point that it almost made my knees weak. He was definitely acting like daddy material right now. I needed to calm the fuck down before I popped a boner right then and there and embarrassed myself.

Luckily Dirk came outside and to check up on me and say goodnight and whatnot because he and Jake had packed up all the equipment already. "Hey, bro. I'm gonna go ahead and head out but-" and he paused when he saw the position I was in. "Shit. Nevermind. I'll just leave you two to it then." And he started to turn and walk away.

Karkat smirked and let go of my shirt, nodding in the direction of Dirk. I took that to mean that he wanted me to go talk to my brother. I swallowed harshly and nodded, taking a second to collect myself before running after him.

I caught up with Dirk and he asked if I was still catching a ride with him and Jake. I told him I'd probably stay back a bit longer and chill with Karkat. He didn't seem to mind that much. If anything he seemed excited, since it meant he'd be alone with Jake again. I let him know to apologize to Jake for making him pack up when that was technically my job. He said not to sweat it but that he'd let Jake know.

Then when I came back, Karkat was almost to his car. I jogged to catch up with him. "Leaving so soon?"

"Yeah. I'm getting kind of tired and I don't want to risk falling asleep at the wheel." He shrugged.

"Well shit. Uh … so, I caught a ride here with Dirk and he just left…. Mind if I... y'know?"

"Yes you can have a ride. Hell, if you want you can just come over for all I fucking care, since neither of us work tomorrow." He said, holding the driver door handle.

"Sounds cool." I said, trying to play it smooth. I walked around to the passenger side and hopped in, trying to stay casual. Inside however, I was kind of freaking out. I'd never been to Karkat's place and I was kind of really curious.

"First though, you're not allergic to cats are you?" He asked.

"No, why?"

"I have a cat, why fucking else?" He quipped with a grin. "Secondly, and this is your fair warning, I have no idea whether or not Eridan will be home tonight or even if Sollux might be over. He doesn't exactly have a set schedule and sort of just does what he wants."

"Sounds like a shitty roommate." I mumbled. I nodded though to let him know that I was fine with everything.

"Nah. We both kind of just do what we want. It rarely ever becomes a problem. Besides, he's soundproofed his room." He shrugged it off casually and started his car, buckling his seatbelt. I went ahead and buckled mine as well since I really didn't know how good of a driver Karkat was and he did admit to running a light on the way here.

"Is that even legal?" I was pretty sure that apartments weren't legally allowed to be soundproofed.

"To be completely honest, I think he bribed the landlord into letting it slide. But I'm not about to question it unless we get an eviction notice on our door." He pulled out of the parking lot and for a while it was pretty quiet in the car. "By the way, sorry for embarrassing you in front of that bitch and for the thing with your brother. I don't have an excuse for her, because honestly I sort of lost my temper. But if I'd seen Dirk coming then I probably wouldn't have pulled you so close or y'know, made such a public spectacle."

At first I had no idea what the hell he was talking about, but then after a moment it clicked and I remembered when he'd pulled me close to him by the front of my shirt and practically growled in my ear. Hot damn. Just the memory was exciting. "Dude, Karkat, are you kidding me? The way you snapped at that bitch, that was the best thing I'd ever heard come out of your mouth. It was fucking hot. I was struggling to hold my fucking composure because of it. And then the way you pulled me in, Jesuit Christo. Do you have any fucking clue how hot that was for me? Because I was literal putty in your fucking hands right there. If you'd told me to drop to my knees right then and blow you I'd have done it in a heartbeat. Fuck the bystanders. That's how bad you had me." When I finished talking, Karkat's face was rivaling the color of a tomato, even with the dim lighting in the car I could see it.

"Well all-fucking-right then. Apology retracted." He muttered, clearly avoiding eye contact with me now and focusing on driving.

"Are you sure? Because if you need more convincing I could keep going on and on about it." I smirked.

"Dave fucking Strider. If you do that, so help me, I will pull this motherfucking car over and you will walk to my fucking apartment in the goddamn dark." He growled.

"Noted." I said, suddenly very serious. I was not about to get kicked out of my boyfriend's car at fucking 10pm.

"Thank you." And with that he turned on the car radio. It made me jump a little with how loud it was. And that's really saying something since I DJ and literally stand next to giant loudspeakers at work. I reached forward to turn the dial down and when I did, all I caught was Karkat's laughter.

"What the fuck, bro?" I hissed.

"Oh god, that was fucking priceless. You actually jumped." He cackled.

"Why do you keep your stereo so loud?" I asked, moving a hand to my ear because damn it kind of hurt now.

Karkat simply shrugged. "I don't always keep it that loud."

I sighed and took a minute to listen to the song that was playing, now that my ears had stopped ringing. "Do you always keep it on the pop station too or is that another thing that constantly changes?"

"If that's your way of asking to change the fucking station, the answer is 'please do'."

"Ohthankfuck." I breathed as I scanned through the channels and away from Katy Perry. I settled on one of the few stations in the area, the alt-rock one that was playing "Semi-Charmed Life" by Third Eye Blind. Karkat and I both started singing along at the exact same time. I turned to look at him and smiled as we sang, just enjoying the fall air and the way this night was going.

Ten minutes later we arrived at his apartment. It was a quick walk up the stairs and a fumble with the apartment keys and we were in. He toed his shoes off at the door and I followed suit, not wanting to track any dirt in. He seemed to appreciate that and flipped the living room and kitchen lights on. There was a note on the counter which Karkat promptly picked up and read.

"Ok. Wow. So apparently Eridan is going to be at Sollux's place until Wednesday. That's really fucking weird. He never spends that much time over there." A pause. "Whatever, at least he won't be here bothering me." And just like that, the note was tossed into the kitchen trash. "So. The cat didn't make a mess of the kitchen today. That's good. Um. Why don't I give you the tour of our shitty little place?"

"Tour away." I gestured forward with my hands and he led the way.

The floor plan was simple enough, living room and dining room being connected and then leading to a small hallway. At the base of it was the small restroom and down on the other end it split in two directions that were the two bedrooms of the place. Karkat's was on the left and Eridan's on the right. Simple enough.

"Nice place." I noted.

"It's really not, but thanks." He ran a hand through his hair.

"No problem." I plopped down on the couch and just laid back to relax. "So what do you want to do now?"

"Well, what I _want_ to do is go change out of these work clothes." He grumbled.

"Go ahead, I don't mind waiting." I offered.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine out here. Besides it's your apartment. I'm not gonna stop you from being comfortable in your own home."

"Ok. I'll be back." And just like that he disappeared. When he said he'd be right back he wasn't kidding though. Less than a minute later he was back in a t-shirt and some sweatpants.

"Jesus, that was fast." I commented. Again he just shrugged.

"Wanna watch a movie?"

"Depends on the movie. Just because I know you have decent music taste doesn't mean you have good movie taste too."

"First of all, fuck you. Second of all, I have great taste in movies."

"We'll see about that." I teased.

Surprisingly he wasn't wrong. The movie Karkat and I wound up watching was Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. I'm not normally one to pay a compliment to Michael Cera, but it wasn't a totally shitty movie in all honesty. Which, coming from me, was a pretty decent compliment movie wise. We spend a majority of the movie cuddling and saying 'same' and 'relatable' to almost every single one of Wallace's lines.

At some point we both passed out. When I woke up it was pitch black in the room and the "are you still watching?" message was up on the screen. I hit no and turned off the tv, then checked the time. Fucking 2am. Jesus Christ. I nudged Karkat, trying to get him to wake up so he could get to bed. He simply nudged me back and continued sleeping like a log on my shoulder. I sighed and unlatched him from me. He groaned in his sleep and yet still failed to wake up. I wound up scooping him up and carrying him bridal style to his bedroom. I set him down gently on his bed and he latched his arms around my neck, refusing to let go apparently. I sighed and just gave in, too tired to try and unlatch him a second time, laying down next to him and subsequently passing the fuck out again.

The next morning I woke up to an empty bed and a sweet smell in the air. I groggily got up and stumbled to the kitchen only to find a very grumpy Karkat attempting to make toaster waffles. Or rather, attempting to fight the toaster in order to get the cooked waffles out from its iron grip. I laughed a little but went to his rescue.

We ate breakfast and wound up back on the couch, just hanging out and watching Friends.

"So, wanna do anything today?" Karkat asked, apparently getting bored of the episode already.

"Why don't we go on a date?" I suggested.

"Like a coffee date?"

"No. I mean, like a real date. You know, since I'm _not available_ and all." I grinned.

"You really aren't going to let that go, are you?" He only seemed a little bit annoyed, so that was good.

"Probably not."

"Ok fine."

"Wait, was that a fine for the date or fine for me not letting go of that golden line you dropped?"

"Yes."

"Really?" I didn't actually expect him to agree to a real date so soon.

"Do you _want_ me to change my answer?"

"No, no. I like this answer. I just didn't think I'd get this far. I don't actually have any ideas of where to take you."

"Well there's a whole list of bullshit first date ideas we could roll through." Karkat suggested. I immediately knew that he probably wasn't actually looking to go on a stereotypical first date. It didn't fit him much anyway to try and replicate traditional stuff when it came to romance anyway.

"What? So you mean like, dinner and a movie? That kind of shit?"

"Sure, shit like that. Or bowling. Or going 'someplace nice' which is really just a fancy restaurant that isn't quite fancy enough to need a reservation." He really seemed to know his shit here.

"What about a picnic?"

"Still too cliche."

"Damn. " I sat and thought for a while longer before realizing that anything and everything I could think of was probably terrible or cliche. I sighed and leaned my head back against the back of the couch. "Wanna just walk around town and see if anything catches our interests?"

"You know, that's actually not a fucking terrible idea." Score. "Do you want me to swing you by your place to get clean clothes or do you just want to borrow something?" This absolutely perfect man. I swear. It's like he could read my mind and know exactly what I was going to worry about next.

"Would you call me lazy if I opted for borrowing clothes?"

"Absolutely not."

"Cool."

Karkat P.O.V.

So there we were, just walking around town aimlessly. It was pretty nice considering it was fall and there was a light breeze blowing, shuffling what few leaves had managed to make their way to the ground already. I opened up the HassleMate app and decided to turn on the setting that allowed me to add people in my phone contacts. I was genuinely surprised at the number of people who had this stupid ass app. Amongst them though, was Gamzee, so I added him. And of-fucking-course he's online right now. I glanced at Dave and realized he too was on his phone, probably doing the same shit that I was doing right now. I decided to shoot Gamzee a message, hoping against hope that he might actually have any non-shitty ideas of where I could take Dave today.

-TerminallyCapricious has accepted your friend request-

TC: WhAt'S uP kArBrO?

TC: DiDn'T kNoW yOu AlL uP aNd HaD tHiS aPp

CG: WHAT IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK DID YOU SET AS YOUR QUIRK?

CG: THAT IS POSSIBLY THE MOST ANNOYING SHIT I'VE EVER SEEN

TC: HeY mAn, No NeEd To MoThErFuCkIn JuDgE.

TC: We AlL gOt OuR qUiRkS

TC: ThIs OnE iS mInE

TC: AnD yOuRs Is AlL mOtHeRfUcKiN sHoUtY

CG: I GUESS, WHATEVER

CG: ANYWAY

CG: I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU

TC: Go RiGhT oN aHeAd MoThErFuCkEr

CG: DO YOU KNOW ANY GOOD PLACES TO GO FOR DATES

TC: ThAt AlL uP aN dEpEnDs On WhO yOu'Re On A dAtE wItH

CG: YOU VERY WELL KNOW WHO I'M ON A DATE WITH.

CG: I LITERALLY TOLD YOU YESTERDAY THAT DAVE AND I ARE PRACTICALLY DATING NOW

CG: THIS IS NOT NEWS

CG: SO WHERE SHOULD I TAKE HIM?

TC: CaLm DoWn MoThErFuCkEr

TC: TaKe A bReAtHeR

TC: JuSt TaKe HiM tO yOuR pAd AnD gEt YoUr MoThErFuCkIn ChIlL oN

CG: THANKS FOR THE ADVICE

I promptly closed the app, giving up because Gamzee was absolutely no fucking help. Of fucking course his idea of a good date was going home and smoking a bowl together. That's literally all he ever fucking did with his life.

You shrug it off and open the maps application on your phone, browsing through the list of nearby locations so that maybe that could inspire you.

Dave. P.O.V.

Well this was going fucking spectacularly. Karkat and I had been walking for a solid five minutes now and still neither of us had come up with any ideas. I'd been googling local places for a while but nothing was striking me as something that we might both want to do that would be first date worthy. I opened HassleMate and decided to hit Rose up, since she had a relationship that was doing well, being married and all.

TG: hey lalonde

TG: do me a solid and help me with a thing

TT: First of all, you know for a fact that my last name is no longer Lalonde. It hasn't been for quite a while.

TT: Second of all, I would like some context to this "thing" before I decide whether or not I will be able to help you.

TG: date ideas

TG: i need date ideas

TG: dont ask questions

TG: just spit em out

TG: please

TT: David, I had no idea that you were back to the field of dating already.

TT: Who's the lucky lad or lady?

TG: not important

TG: so far from important that im surprised you could even find it to bring it up at a part of the conversation

TG: im talking solar systems away from important

TT: Based on your avoidant answer, I can only assume one of two things. Either you really are in a hurry, which you nearly never are, or it's someone that I already know that you'd prefer me not to realize you are involved with.

TT: If it's the former, then I'm disappointed with how terrible you are at planning nowadays.

TT: However, if it's the latter, as I assume it is, then you're on a date with a certain dark-haired waiter from a certain local restaurant that I recommended you check out.

TG: why

TG: why are you doing this now

TT: I believe I've earned the right to say "I told you so."

TG: ok fine

TG: its him

TG: you were right

TG: kind of

TT: Kind of?

TG: you said he was my soulmate or whatever

TG: i cant verify that information just yet

TT: I said nothing of the sort. I said he would be a good fit for you. Kanaya said he was made for you. Soulmates were never mentioned.

TG: whatever

TG: take it or leave it

TG: im not admitting you were right again

TG: if you need to see it again just scroll back up to the message

TG: so will you help me or not

TT: I will. But I need details. Is this your first date together?

TG: technically no

TG: but officially yes

TT: So you have unofficially gone on a date?

TG: a few of them yea

TG: coffee

TG: the mall

TG: he came to see my show and i dedicated a song to him

TG: if those count for anything

TG: but we werent official or anything at the time

TG: now can we make with the helping

TG: were wandering around town trying to come up with ideas

TT: Fine, fine. Why not take him to a movie?

TG: hes ruled out every cliche first date option

TG: no movies

TG: no dinner

TG: no bowling

TG: basically if its happened in a movie then its ruled out

TT: Well what does he like? You could do something that caters specifically to his interests.

TG: . . . . . . .

TG: so movies

TG: library

TG: coffee

TG: or a concert

TG: basically everything has been done it or its been ruled out

TG: its a first date rose i dont know that much shit about him yet

TT: Well what are you expecting from this date? What are you hoping to get out of it? And please be honest with me, especially if you're planning to bed this boy tonight. I'd rather not give you a decent romantic idea if you're going to turn around and ruin it.

TG: what the fuck no

TG: that is not happening

TG: im trying to legitimately romance this guy

TG: sounds crazy i know

TG: havent done that shit since high school

TG: but since you have the expertise in courting can you give me an idea i can use

TT: Well I know that you're not the biggest fan of sports, but there is a football game tonight at Vidar Tech. Kanaya was invited by a friend but we likely won't be attending. Maybe that could be his sort of thing?

TG: ok

TG: yeah that could work

TG: before i pitch the idea to him though

TG: how the fuck do i flirt with someone at a football game

TT: I believe this is the part where I tell you to figure that much out for yourself because otherwise it isn't you flirting, it's me. I don't really want to flirt with your future boyfriend, directly or indirectly.

TG: first of all hes already my boyfriend

TG: second of all thats just weird so whatever ill figure it out

TG: even though ill probably just fuck it up

TG: rose the guy is made for me and im going to fuck it all up

TG: see what youre setting me up for

TG: failure

TG: thats what

TG: youre just setting me up to fail

TT: Oh would you stop being so dramatic already? You'll be fine. What's the worst that could happen? You snuggle up on a bleacher bench? You hold hands? You touch tips?

TG: did you just

TG: was that a sausage party reference

TG: ohmygod

TG: why am i being tortured

TT: I couldn't help myself. It was an opportune moment to use it.

TG: suddenly i regret convincing you to come see it with us

TT: As you should. I told you I didn't want to watch it and now you're seeing the repercussions of guilting me into watching a movie with you.

TG: we had already bought the tickets

TT: Regardless, I believe you have a date idea to pitch to a certain handsome boy that's probably waiting for you to give him attention again.

TG: oh shit

TG: yea

TG: thanks for the help

TT: I expect to hear details tomorrow though, mister. You've been keeping me out of a loop that I helped start.

TG: yeah whatever bye

I locked my phone and shoved it in my pocket. When I looked back up at Karkat he seemed to be looking around and back at his phone like he was confused.

"You alright?" I asked, making sure we weren't like lost or anything, since it looked like he had his maps open.

"Huh? Oh yeah. I'm good. Just still fresh out of any decent fucking ideas." He grumbled.

"I've got a suggestion, but before I pitch it, a friend suggested it and I don't know if it's really your type of thing."

"Dave. Just tell me what the fuck it is." He chuckled some and put his own phone away now.

"Ok. Well there's a college football game tonight over at Vidar. Shouldn't cost too much and it doesn't really fall in the category of stereotypical first dates."

"I don't give a shit how much it costs." And just like that I deflated. Back to the drawing board. "We're going." Wait what?

"Wait, what?" I asked, genuinely shocked.

"Yeah. We can make fun of the guys getting way too into the game and screaching their heads off like fucking children. It'll be hilarious." Karkat grinned and I swear in that moment I fell in love.

"Where have you been all my life?" I asked, instinctively lacing the statement with some sarcasm so it could be interpreted as either genuine or a joke.

"Shut up." Karkat groaned as he lightly punched me in the shoulder. The blush on his face told me that he caught the sentiment and that was enough for me to be content with our current plans.

"Make me." I teased. His face only got a darker shade of red. I was about to suggest we grab some food or head back to the house and chill until we actually had to leave for the game, but I was stopped dead in my tracks. Karkat had leaned up and pecked my cheek unexpectedly. I couldn't help the grin that slipped onto my face as I took his hand and continued walking. At this point, it didn't matter what we did, as long as I was with him everything would be fine.


	12. Chapter 12

Karkat P.O.V.

To be very fucking honest I have never, in my life, been to a football game. It was never something that interested me in high school and I didn't go to college. So when Dave asked me if I wanted to go to a football game with him, my dumb ass brain went "that's not a stereotypical first date trope, go for it" and I agreed.

As soon as we got there and tried to locate seats in the already overpacked stadium, I wasn't so sure that this was a good idea anymore. I was never entirely comfortable with large crowds like this, especially with how fucking rude I could be at times. On top of that, it was fucking cold tonight. If I had to take a guess, it was probably around 45 degrees (Fahrenheit). Even with the hoodie I was snuggled into and a long sleeve shirt underneath, it was still pretty damn chilly. How in the hell Dave managed this with only a t-shirt and thin hoodie, I would never understand.

Eventually we found pretty decent seats, not quite the nosebleed section but still pretty high up and close enough to the middle. As soon as Dave plopped down on the bench next to me, I scooted in towards him, hoping to steal some of his body heat by being so close. It barely helped. Fuck my life.

"So. You wanna wait until after kickoff to get hot chocolate or is your shivering just for my amusement?" Dave asked, grinning some. I punched him lightly in the arm.

"You fucking asshole. There was hot chocolate and you made me walk all the way the fuck up here without it?" I grumbled.

"I figured you had seen the stands for it when we passed them by the entrance." He shrugged, laughing more now.

"Well I fucking didn't and there's no way in hell I'm going all the way down and back up those fucking unforgiving stairs of death." I grumbled, slipping one sleeve of my hoodie into the other in attempts to keep my hands warm.

"I guess you'll just have to freeze then." Dave stated in a dramatic voice. "Unless someone were to warm you up."

"I wonder who the hell would do that?" I rolled my eyes at him and played along.

"Gosh. He'd have to be a real heroic guy to do something that nice. A true gift to this world. Worthy of all the praise that he'd obviously receive from performing such a sacrificial act."

"Obviously." I scoffed, mentally laughing at how arrogant he was being, even in jest.

"I wonder who that guy could be? Is there a chance that he's even here tonight?" Dave then put a hand to his forehead and started scanning the crowd like he was genuinely looking for someone.

"Just shut the fuck up and cuddle me, you asshole." I grumbled with a smile on my face.

"Me? You think I'm worthy enough to keep you warm." He pointed at himself and looked around again, still very much in the 'drama zone'.

"No. But you're warm-blooded and you have a fucking pulse. So I'll take it."

Dave fucking scoffed."Ouch. My ego is now fatally wounded. It's just laying there, bleeding out. We should probably call 9-1-1 for this shit."

"What a tragedy." I said sarcastically.

"Seriously man. My confidence is shot and you're the only one around here with a metaphorical gun in your hand."

"Dave. Will you _please_ shut up and just put your fucking arm around me already? Because if you don't I might just use that metaphorical gun on myself so I don't have to hear any more of this bullshit." I sighed, ready to just facepalm when he inevitably decided to continue his schtick.

He surprised me though. "If it means saving your life, sure thing babe." And then he grinned. He genuinely fucking grinned at me and slipped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer. I nuzzled my face into his chest because holy fucking shit my nose was numb from the cold. He pecked the top of my head and for once I was grateful for the blood that rushed to my face. At least if I was blushing then I was warm.

Dave P.O.V.

About half an hour later we were just getting to the end of the first quarter and Karkat was surprisingly into the game. We had started off making fun of all the guys screaming their lungs out, but after a while he started making comments about the game, which quickly turned into him yelling about it too. I wasn't sure if he just wanted a reason to yell or if he actually knew what was going on. Either way it was pretty damn entertaining. Not to mention, every time he would cuss, this older lady in front of us would cover her kids ears and glare at us. I don't think that Karkat really noticed it, but I certainly did and it was fucking hilarious. If you don't want your kids to hear cussing then don't bring them to a college football game. That's just common sense right there.

It wasn't surprising that Karkat still wanted hot chocolate, despite my best efforts at keeping him warm. So I jogged down the stairs and hopped in line for us. It was a pretty long line too. As I stood there, I pulled out my phone and started scrolling casually, not really paying attention until I heard a shrill voice behind me.

"Well if it isn't the boyfriend stealer." Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. No. Fuck no. Nope Fuck no. Shit. Damn. Fuck. What the fuck was Terezi doing here?

I did my best to ignore her, pretend I didn't hear her, pretend I was someone else, anything to get her thinking she had the wrong person. Then I remembered the bitch was blind and I knew there was no pretending that she couldn't smell me. I chanced a glance behind me and sure enough she was there, a few people in line separating us. I tensed up and decided to hop right the fuck out of line and see if there were any other booths up that also had hot chocolate.

I wandered past some tents before finally finding one at the far end that had literally no line and hot chocolate on their menu. When I tried a sip from my own cup, I realized why. It wasn't exactly top quality, but for the cheap ass price and a line devoid of psycho bitches, it was excellent.

As I made my way back to Karkat, I managed to slip past Terezi without her picking up my scent again. I was glad for that because it meant she wouldn't follow me and badger me about whatever shit she was still holding onto. I was also absolutely certain Karkat wouldn't want to see her either. So that was one bullet dodged.

But of course, nothing in life was ever easy or fair, so as I was going up the stairs I nearly ran into a guy who was darting down them.

"Oops. Sorry." He blurted, looking back at me as he passed before stopping his descent altogether. As soon as I saw those bucked teeth my anxiety fucking spiked through the roof. Why me? Why him? Why did he have to be here tonight of all fucking nights? "Oh shit. Dave? Is that you?" He asked cheerfully. Why did he have to seem so fucking pleased to see me?

I kept my mouth shut and just sort of stared like a deer in the headlights. "Dave. It's me, John. Y'know. Egbert. Egderp. Whatever it was you used to call me. Anyway, how've you been?" He pressed.

"Sorry, I'd love to catch up but as you can see I've got my hands full, so I've really got to go." I blurted out, almost too fast, before turning right around and basically jogging up the bleachers. When I chanced a look over my shoulder, John was just standing there watching me run away from him with a confused look on his face. Then he turned around and kept going down the bleachers.

When I finally made it back to Karkat I was out of breath as hell. Those stairs really were torture. Why did I have to pick a seat so high up?

"Are you fucking ok? You look like you just ran your first 5k." Karkat asked, reaching out to take one of the styrofoam cups from my hand.

"Yeah. Totally fine." I said in between my deep breaths, attempting to regain my composure.

"Why were you running up the stairs?" He asked before taking a sip of his cocoa. Just like that I felt like a deer in the headlights again. That was not a conversation I wanted to have right now. Not at all. That would be the absolute worst thing to talk about on our first date.

"Just getting some good ol' exercise. Keeping myself warm so that I can keep you warm." I grinned, mentally patting myself on the back for that quick cover up there.

"Mhm." He looked at me for a long moment and I did my best to act like nothing was up. "Are you _sure_ you're alright? You seem a little …. jumpy."

"Dude, you're crazy. Everything is totally fine." I finally reclaimed my seat next to him, now that I had my lungs under control.

"Look me in the eye without your shades and tell me that." Karkat turned to face me on the bleacher bench now. I had a feeling he wasn't going to drop the topic.

"And be blinded by the bright ass stadium lights? Are you trying to torture me?"

"We can go sit somewhere else that's less brightly lit if you fucking want. I just want the goddamn assurance that everything is o-fucking-k, because you're being really weird."

"But these are like the perfect seats." I protested, giving our great view another glance over. The only problem was that I saw john heading up the bleachers once more and he seemed to be looking around for someone. I hoped to high fuck that it wasn't me. "On second thought, maybe we aren't high enough up. You're right. We should move."

"Aren't high enough? Are you fucking kidding me? We should be moving down if anything. Especially with how fucking winded you got just coming back up those stairs. Dave. Dave fucking Strider are you even listening to me?" He rambled. And trust me, I was listening. I heard every word of what he was saying, but my mind was much more focused on an escape plan. I didn't want to run into John again and I was trying to find every possible route that would let me abscond without being spotted. Our best option was to run up the bleachers, walk across an empty row, and then jog back down the set of stairs on the other side.

"Yeah. Sorry. Just scouting out some better seats. I think I see some over there. C'mon." And just like that I got up and practically jogged up the stairs again. Karkat followed behind at his own leisure pace, not like I expected any different from him. He wasn't exactly in any hurry to avoid anyone.

I led him up, across, and back down and he fucking stopped and facepalmed halfway down the steps. "Why didn't we just fucking scoot past the few people sitting next to us? That was so fucking unnecessary to go around like that."

"Didn't wanna bug anyone." I muttered, continuing down the steps, trying to urge him to do the same. He did but at a much slower pace.

"Seriously? That's not like you at all. What the fuck is up with you right now?"

"Just trying to be a good samaritan while in public. Don't wanna block anybody's view of the game." God this was all such bullshit. I was well aware of the fact that I was acting like a child and yet I couldn't really stop myself from continuing to do it.

"Wow what a saint." When I looked back at him, Karkat rolled his eyes at me and I could tell it was sarcasm. I glanced around and saw John sitting down with some other kids, presumably friends or classmates. At least he wasn't up and looking for me.

"Here seems good." I gestured a bench that had just enough space on the end for two people to sit comfortably. I asked the guy who'd be next to us if it was cool that we sat there and he shrugged. So that was that. New seats. Tada.

Karkat P.O.V.

An hour and at least five seat changes later we were nearing the last quarter of the game and I was ready to fucking snap. This was getting ridiculous. I'd pretty much figured out that Dave was avoiding someone, but who or why I had no fucking clue. My best guess was that he'd managed to piss someone off and was trying not to get his ass kicked.

At the present moment we were seated by the entrance/exit/food tent area in maybe the fifth row back on the very edge of the bleachers. The kind of seat where if I turned to my left I could just jump down to the grass and walk off instead of having to take any stairs down and around. We sat here for a good fifteen minutes before Dave leaned over and asked me to scoot to my left. I just fucking glared at him.

"You do fucking realize that if I do that I'll fall on my ass, right? Why can't we just get up and walk down the stairs and around the side like normal fucking people?" I asked, glancing back and forth between Dave and the jump.

"What kind of fun would that be?" He asked, trying and failing to make it seem like he was doing this just for the fun of it. He glanced around again and then started to really panic. "Shit. Do me a solid here babe, can you just jump down without making it obvious that we're getting up?" He was whispering to me now, apparently this was some big fucking secret. I just huffed under my breath and hopped off as requested. Then as soon as we were both on the ground I dragged him under the bleachers by the sleeve of his jacket.

"Ok. Cut the bullshit. You're going to tell me right the fuck now why we keep moving seats and why you're being so fucking weird. I'm not playing this game of musical chairs anymore Dave."

"As much as I would love to tell you, I'd rather not get on that topic today."

"Well if you're worried about fucking up our first date, you're not exactly on a good path right now anyway." I shot back.

"Shit. You're right. I've basically already fucked it all up. Damn it. This was supposed to be our first official date, not the 'avoid-your-ex olympics'." He sighed and I straight up laughed right in his face. I didn't mean to make it seem like I was laughing at him but it was pretty damn funny to me.

"Wait. So you've been doing all this to avoid an ex? Dave you could've just told me that from the fucking start. You goddamn loveable idiot."

"In my defense, I'd like to point out that it's not just my ex." He was pouting, but I stopped laughing when I registered what he was trying to say.

"You don't know any of my - wait." It was in that moment that I remembered I'd drunkenly told Dave about Terezi. Fuck. "Holy shit. Are they here together?"

"I doubt it after the shit that went down." He mumbled.

"Shit that went down? Do you know something that I don't here?" Obviously he must have known something. The real question was what exactly that something was.

"Probably, but I'd prefer to keep it that way and not have the 'ex-history' discussion tonight. That's like the first rule of first dates is to not talk about your exes." As cute as that was, it didn't make a single bit of sense to me.

"Fuck the rules. I'm curious, tell me."

He sighed, "Look, I know I've already fucked this date up but I would really prefer not to fuck it up even more by digging into that particular topic." He seemed still very on edge and he kept looking over my shoulder towards the crowd to make sure no one had found us yet.

"Who says that it would fuck it up? The imaginary dating rules? We basically threw those out the motherfucking window the moment we decided not to have a stereotypical date. Go ahead and tell me. I'm not going to think any differently of you for it. It's not like you fucking killed anyone, right?"

"Absolutely not. Nothing like that." He snapped his head to face me now, seeing just how serious I was about this.

"Ok then spill the beans, Strider." We stared each other down for a solid minute before he gave in.

"Can I just give you the gist of it now and tell you full details later? It's really fucking stupid and I don't want to waste time on it that I could be spending salvaging this fucking awful date."

"Deal. Now start talking." I grabbed him by the shoulders and turned us around so that his back was to the crowd. I didn't want him super distracted while talking to me.

"Fine. Ok. Alright. So you already know that Terezi is here and that is basically fucking awful. On top of her being your ex, she's also slashed my tires before because I may or may not have kissed her boyfriend without knowing he was her boyfriend. He's here too."

"Holy fucking shit." That was all I could think to say because damn that was tame compared to what Terezi would normally do but it was still damn crazy.

"Yeah and even though this shit happened over a year and a half ago I still try to avoid both of them at all costs. But they both had to fucking be here tonight, of course. So that's why I've been moving our seats and shit." As soon as he finished talking I noticed a certain blind bitch making her way past the front side of the bleachers, sniffing for something. I knew that could only mean she'd been on our trail.

I looked wide eyed at Dave who caught on right away and nodded. I grabbed his hand and we ran through the backside of the bleachers until we were immersed in the dark. I grabbed my phone with my free hand and flicked open the flashlight so that we could see the ground without tripping over anything. We kept running, being as careful as two people can be while holding hands and running, until eventually we came to a dead end. Or not really a dead end, but the other side of the bleachers. The problem was that it didn't exactly open like the side we'd came from. There was a crack of light from the stadium lights coming in between the seats and the solid cement wall that was trapping us under the bleachers. Shit.

I silently hoped that she wouldn't be dumb enough to follow us all the way back here, but I knew that because she was blind she probably wouldn't have the common sense to avoid it either.

"What the fuck do we do? We're totally cornered." I whisper shouted.

"Well it's not like she's going to see us per se, right?"

"Yeah, what's your point? She'd smell us here and then it's game over." I started to turn in circles, flicking my phone flashlight off since it was useless now.

"How's her hearing?"

"She's blind you douche, it's obviously fucking phenomenal." I deadpanned.

"What if we made noises that would deter her from coming any closer." It was in that moment that I realized Dave had officially lost his fucking mind.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Are there any noises that she hates? Anything you can remember to get rid of her?" Dave asked, clearly making this my fucking issue. I wasn't the one who'd been avoiding her all night.

"I guess we could just make it sound really fucking awkward so she wouldn't want to come any closer. Like pretend we're doing the fucking do behind the bleachers so she leaves us the fuck alone." I could not believe the words that just came out of my mouth. This was the dumbest fucking plan I could have possibly come up with. Then again the was the most fucking stupid situation I'd ever been in too.

"You mean like fake moaning and shit? Dude we're so going to get kicked the fuck out of here if security hears us." Dave seemed a little panicked but I couldn't blame him. I didn't exactly want to get kicked out either.

"It doesn't have to be super loud. Just loud enough and convincing enough that her fucking bat-sight echolocation or whatever catches it and makes her leave."

"Loud enough is no problem, but conving enough ….. I don't know."

"You're fucking kidding me right? You can't do convincing fake moans?"

"Not for lack of trying, but every time I get caught and people see right through it. I never claimed to be a great actor, ok?"

"Goddamnit Dave." My face was starting to flush just from talking about this.

"We could make it sound like I'm blowing you if that'd be better. Since my mouth would be occupied."

"I-" And that was it. My face was now at maximum redness. Damn him for giving me that visual. "No. Just no. Fuck faking it. Come right the fuck here, you idiot." He looked like he was about to speak up again but I didn't give him the fucking chance to. I grabbed him by the front of his shirt, pulled him into a bruising kiss, and then pinned him to the damn wall.

Once he seemed to get past the initial shock of being pinned to the wall he started kissing back. I tried to not be so forceful since I wasn't actually planning on taking this all the way. But at the very least I could get him worked up enough to make this whole stupid plan actually convincing and have him making some small noises.

So I started kissing him more gently, scraping my teeth across his bottom lip and then swiping my tongue over it to soothe it. He gasped and finally wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. I chuckled against his lips and he smiled back. Then he pulled away for a second and I moved to kissing along his jaw.

"Damn babe. And only on the first date?" He teased.

"Oh would you just shut the fuck up and kiss me like you fucking mean it?"

"Yes sir, can do." He grinned before leaning back in and recapturing my lips. I put more of my weight against him, pressing his back further into the wall. This time he swiped his tongue past my lips and I just melted right there in his arms, parting my lips for him. I hummed softly, the noise caught between our mouths as our tongues met for the first time.

Sparing the dirty details, we continued to make out for a solid minute or so before Dave pulled back for breath again. I just kept kissing him though, moving down to his neck, my hands roaming a little to drag over his chest and then back up under his sweater.

"Karkat." He whispered.

"Hm?" I hummed back, not bothering to stop leaving little bites across his neck.

"Just how far are we gonna take this?" I could hear the soft groan in his voice and it definitely sparked something in me, something that I had been trying very hard to repress.

"Far enough to make her leave us the fuck alone, I guess. Why? Did you want to stop?" I asked, being completely serious despite knowing that he probably didn't if the look on his face was anything to go by.

"No, god no. I just wanted to make sure you weren't uncomfortable with any of this." He seemed so genuinely concerned that my heart fucking melted right there. Dave actually, genuinely cares about me and my comfort and my well being. Holy shit.

I buried my head into his shoulder and held him a little tighter. "Thanks, but I wouldn't have started it if I wasn't sure. I'm the one who came up with this idea, remember?"

"Yeah-" Dave stopped mid-response. "I think she's coming. Or someone is at least." He whispered, looking over my shoulder and towards the darkness.

"Then come here and kiss me some more so they'll leave us the fuck alone." I responded with an eye roll. To be honest, I was kind of enjoying this more than I'd been enjoying the football game. Public affection and sneaking around were two things that I was really coming to have a liking for.

"Dave?" The voice called out. It wasn't Terezi though. It sounded like a guy maybe.

"Fuck, no time for kissing. Do you trust me?" Dave spat out. I didn't have much time to think about what his plan was so I just nodded and let him do as he pleased. "Ok awesome, play it up for me, will ya?" That should have thrown me off, but I just kept nodding like the fucking idiot that I am.

Dave turned us around so that he had me pinned to the wall now. I looked up at him for a brief second but quickly lost sight of him as he dropped to his fucking knees in front of me. This was not fucking happening. Ohmygod.

"Dave? Is that you?" The voice asked again, clearly getting closer. It was sort of hard to hear it over the roar of the crowd above us in the bleachers but it was still audible.

I looked down at Dave and mouthed 'Are you fucking crazy?' to which he mouthed back 'trust me'. How the fuck I got myself into these situations I'd never know. I tilted my head back and pressed it against the wall behind me, trying not to blush too hard. But what can you do when your boyfriend is vis a vis with your dick underneath the bleachers at a football game?

He gripped my hips and I jumped a little, color rushing to my face all over again. I took a deep breath and he smiled up at me, moving closer and pressing a kiss to my zipper. I did what any normal person would do and fucking whimpered because shit this was hot and damn I'd been deprived of anything like it for so fucking long. Dave's eyes lit up at that and he did it again, trying to get me to make more noise, clearly.

Dave brought a hand to my zipper and palmed me and I swear I could have gotten a concussion from how fast my head flew back to the wall again and smacked against it. I brought a hand up to my mouth to cover my expression because damn that was embarrassing.

"Damn babe." I heard him mutter from below me and I fucking whined again.

"Fuck you." I was trying to sound intimidating but honestly, it just came out weak and needy.

"If you insist." He purred, starting to move his head in a way that mimed blowing me. That's when I caught on to what he was doing. I mentally slapped myself for not realizing that sooner but prepared myself for playing along.

"Fuuuck." I purred out, letting a hand drop to his hair and helping him with his miming, making sure he got close to me but not close enough to actually press against me again. I continued to let out soft fake moans, pitching them not and again so that it was more realistic.

"Dave?" The voice called out again, much much closer now. I looked ahead into the darkness and could just barely make out a figure standing there. "Oh. Oh shit. My bad. Sorry guys." And with that, the figure turned tail and got the hell out of there.

Dave continued to mime for a moment, just to make sure the figure was gone, before letting up and busting up laughing. "Holy shit dude." The laughter was infectious and I couldn't help myself.

"Who the fuck was that though? Was that your ex?" I asked.

"Yeah, but goddamn was that hilarious. Long story short, his name is John. I dated him when he was convinced that he was bisexual, but he never wanted anything to do with 'guy parts'. So finding me sucking another guys dick was probably the wake up call he needed to leave me alone." Dave stood up and started brushing his jeans off where they'd gotten dirty from kneeling.

"You mean he hasn't been leaving you alone?"

"I had to move, change my fucking number, and make Jake swear to secrecy, since they're cousins."

"Fuck, Dave. That dude really had it bad for you."

"You have no idea. I'll tell you the rest of the story sometime if you want."

"Why don't we walk home and you can tell me on the way?" I suggested.

"Sure. But first, do you need a cold shower or are you good walking that far?" He smirked at me and I flipped him off.

"I wasn't _that_ into it. I told you I can fake moans pretty fucking well." I defended.

"Mhm. Tell that to your semi, babe."

"Will you _shut_ the _fuck_ up?" I groaned, pulling the hood of my sweater up and tugging the strings to hide my red face.


	13. Chapter 13

Karkat P.O.V.

Dave walked me home that night and told me all about his past drama with John and Terezi. Apparently he'd tried going to our local college, Vidar, for a semester and that's where he met John. Dark hair, blue eyes, buck-toothed smile, what's not to like, right? Too bad John failed to mention that he was already in a relationship when they started flirting. Dave didn't know, obviously, and starting hanging out with John and going on unofficial dates and shit with him.

They date for maybe a month, shit's pretty ok. John's apparently afraid of doing anything more than making out with Dave, but it's not a huge deal really. He doesn't suspect a thing about John being in another relationship. Then one day Dave sees John and Terezi together and sort of figures it out by the way that they're holding hands and kissing often and shit that John was cheating on her with him.

When Dave found out he'd tried to back out of the relationship and call it off, but John got suuuper clingy and tried to tell Dave that he was leaving Terezi anyway. Dave told him that he didn't care and that it was cheating and that he didn't want to be with anyone who was willing to cheat even if it was to be with him. Basically saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater. I can't trust you not to turn around and do the same shit to me if we were to date." But John didn't seem to see the logic in that and instead kept begging for Dave to take him back.

Then Terezi found out somehow that John had been cheating, even after Dave had tried to break it off. So she went crazy, slashed Dave's tires, left a note that basically said 'you can't steal boyfriends without wheels to roll up in' or some lame shit like that. Then she went and broke up with John anyway because he was the one that had done the cheating in the first place. Ever since then John had apparently been trying to get back in contact with Dave because he was still interested in pursuing a relationship there.

Fast forward to the current day and that is clearly not fucking happening because I'm in the picture now, and I don't plan on giving up this relationship anytime soon. Not to mention that Dave wants absolutely nothing to do with John and has been actively avoiding him. And that's the story of why Dave no longer has a vehicle to drive. Tires are fucking expensive for an old half-broken vehicle that barely works. So he gave up on the whole thing and sold it for parts.

But anyway, after Dave walked me home and finished his story about John and Terezi, he got his stuff from my apartment and said his goodnights to me at the door. It was quite possibly one the cutest moments of my entire fucking life so far. He was such a gentleman, standing there with his little grocery sack of clothes and a promise to return mine to me sometime this week. He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles like a true gentleman and told me that despite all the crazy shit, he really enjoyed our date. I could not stop grinning but agreed that it was much better than any first date I'd ever been on or witnessed.

We stood there awkwardly for a beat before he just slipped an arm around my waist, pulled me closer, and kissed me. I melted and wrapped my arms around his shoulders and we made out for at least a solid minute in my doorway. Then we parted and promised to text each other later and he went home.

Then as I was laying in bed, trying to sleep, I couldn't stop thinking about the date and the fake blowjob thing under the bleachers. The way he was looking up at me and I could just barely see those brown-red eyes from under his shades. How he'd actually gone so far as to kiss the zipper of my pants and the way his lips looked so damn kissable in that moment. How worked up I'd gotten him just from some heavy making out and pinning him against the boy was going to kill me someday, that was for sure.

The next morning I had to change the sheets. That's all I'm going to fucking say on the matter.

The rest of the week went well enough. We had more coffee dates. Dave visited me at work a few times, just popping in to say hi to Roxy and I or sometimes getting a ride to his job from Roxy. A few of my coworkers jeered at me for it, but I paid no mind to it because honestly, if they didn't like it they could go fuck themselves. I was happy with Dave and I thought it was really fucking cute and sweet of him to visit me. Then of course there was the coworkers like Meenah and Gamzee who were full of shit like "I told you so" and smart remarks about how they knew things would work out with Dave.

The week after, Dave found out that I've never had pumpkin flavored anything and decides he wants to remedy that by forcing me to get a pumpkin spice frappuccino. According to him it's "the best shit on the planet" and in order to have lived a fulfilling life I have to try it at least once, or some shit like that. I was skeptical, but I went along with it because so far he hadn't been wrong about coffee.

For once I was thankful that he had the "if you don't like it, I'll drink it for you" rule because holy fucking shit I am not a fan of pumpkin spice. I'm not sure if it was the pumpkin part or the spice part but whatever the fuck it was, it was disgusting. I spit it out after the first fucking sip. I'll stick to my dark chocolate mint perfection drink, thanks. Fuck pumpkins.

The following days we talk about ideas for a second actual date but don't solidify any actual plans. Meenah sends out a reminder that the restaurant will be closed for Thanksgiving and that we all will have the day off. So that was a fucking relief. Last year we'd stayed open and there was a literal fucking fight in the parking lot over who got to request off for the day and who all had to work. Needless to say it was slow as hell because no one wants to be verbally harassed at dinner on Thanksgiving and we wound up losing more money than we made. So smart move on Meenah's part this time.

Dave texts me on Saturday about Thanksgiving though, and it's easily one of the weirdest conversations I've ever had.

 **TG: hey so i just heard from the station manager that we get thanksgiving off**

 **TG: hes just gonna set up a playlist and let it roll through all day on shuffle**

 **TG: and i know you have the day off too**

 **TG: so if you wanna maybe do something or come over or whatever thatd be pretty cool**

 **CG: AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO, I CAN'T.**

 **CG: EVERY YEAR MY DAD HOSTS THIS STUPID HUGE PARTY FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY AND WE ALL HAVE TO GO AND DRESS NICE AND ACT LIKE WE CAN STAND EACH OTHER FOR A WHOLE NIGHT.**

 **TG: yikes**

 **TG: that sounds like a fucking nightmare**

 **TG: any way that you can get out of it**

 **TG: i could help you think of ways to get out of it if you want**

 **CG: I WISH, BUT I ALREADY CONFIRMED WITH HIM THAT THE RESTAURANT WILL BE CLOSED FOR THE HOLIDAY.**

 **CG: SO BASICALLY I SIGNED MY OWN DEATHWISH ALREADY AND AM NOW SUCKED INTO THIS SHITTY VORTEX THAT IS THE OBLIGATORY FAMILY THANKSGIVING DINNER**

 **TG: damn**

 **TG: and here i was really looking forward to stuffing a turkeys ass with you and throwing cranberries at each other**

 **CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?**

 **CG: WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME HOLIDAY RIGHT?**

 **TG: is that not the tradition**

 **TG: stuffing the turkey**

 **TG: seeing just how much that dead, skinned, de-feathered bird can take up his anus**

 **TG: stuffing that shit full of festive side dishes until its overflowing**

 **TG: treating that sweet turkey tush like it is the last cornucopia we will ever get to fill in our lifetimes**

 **CG: I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE YOU MADE ME READ THAT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES.**

 **CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK KIND OF TRADITIONS DO YOU EVEN HAVE, STRIDER?**

 **TG: you mean your family doesnt do that shit**

 **CG: OF FUCKING COURSE NOT. WE JUST COOK A NORMAL FUCKING TURKEY AND MAKE NORMAL FUCKING SIDES AND EAT A NORMAL FUCKING MEAL WITH EVERYTHING SEPARATED AND NOT SHOVED UP IN THE TURKEY'S ANUS.**

 **TG: you really are missing out man**

 **TG: do you at least do turkey themes**

 **CG: WHAT THE ACTUAL FLYING FUCK ARE TURKEY THEMES**

 **TG: you know**

 **TG: like themes**

 **TG: for how you dress up the turkey**

 **CG: YOU DRESS UP YOUR TURKEY?**

 **TG: you dont**

 **TG: dude its literally the best part**

 **TG: one year dirk made his turkey a mashed potato wedding dress**

 **TG: another bro made his turkey into a murder scene using cranberry sauce as fake blood**

 **TG: its like the best part of the whole holiday**

 **CG: I'M GOING TO TAKE A WILD GUESS AND SAY THAT PLAYING WITH YOUR FOOD WAS ENCOURAGED WHEN YOU WERE GROWING UP?**

 **CG: WAIT. HIS TURKEY? DO YOU EACH GET YOUR OWN TURKEY?**

 **TG: yeah**

 **TG: of course we each get our own turkey**

 **TG: how would we be able to judge the best dressed turkey with only one turkey**

 **TG: that would just be impossible**

 **TG: and its not playing with your food**

 **TG: its art**

 **TG: its tradition**

 **CG: WELL THOSE PARTICULAR TRADITIONS DIDN'T MAKE THE CUT IN MY FAMILY'S HOUSEHOLD I GUESS.**

 **TG: im so sorry that you had such a boring childhood babe**

 **TG: we have to make up for turkeys lost**

 **TG: im going to make you a whole turkey and all the sides you can think of**

 **TG: and you can dress it up however you like and we can stuff it together**

 **CG: AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO TAKE YOU UP ON THAT OFFER, AND TRUST ME I REALLY WOULD, I REALLY CAN'T MISS THIS DINNER WITH MY DAD.**

 **CG: IT'S NOT EVEN THAT I WANT TO GO, SO MUCH AS IF I DON'T THEN IT'LL ONLY BE 10 TIMES WORSE AT CHRISTMAS AND THE LAST THING I WANT IS TO SPEND A WHOLE FUCKING WEEKEND WITH MY FAMILY BASKING IN SHITTY MUSIC AND FRUITCAKES.**

 **CG: SO ALL IN ALL PUTTING UP WITH THIS BORING AND STUCK UP DINNER IS THE BETTER OPTION IN THE LONG RUN**

 **TG: i can only imagine**

 **TG: what do you guys even do for thanksgiving then**

 **TG: other than dress up and avoid passing out from boredom**

 **CG: THAT'S LITERALLY ABOUT ALL WE DO.**

 **CG: A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE COME OVER, WE MAKE FOOD, THEY ALL SOCIALIZE OR WATCH TV TOGETHER OR SHOW EACH OTHER PICTURES OF THINGS THEY'VE DONE OR PLACES THEY'VE BEEN THROUGHOUT THE YEAR. IT'S LIKE A FUCKING MEET AND GREET BUFFET WITH PEOPLE THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW AND ONLY SEE ON THANKSGIVING AND MAYBE CHRISTMAS.**

 **CG: IT'S FUCKING BORING AND AWFUL**

 **CG: OH AND I ALMOST FORGOT, EVERY YEAR MY COUSIN DOES AN HOUR LONG PRAYER SPEECH FOR US BEFORE THE MEAL**

 **CG: IT'S THE MOST AGONIZING THING IN THE FUCKING UNIVERSE.**

 **TG: i can only imagine that**

 **TG: just sitting there staring at the food**

 **TG: not being able to eat it yet**

 **TG: being taunted by the boring ass turkey**

 **TG: and droned into starvation by verses said in the name of our lord and savior jesus h christ**

 **CG: EXACTLY. IT'S A LIVING HELL.**

 **TG: take me with you**

 **CG: WHAT?**

 **TG: take me with you to thanksgiving with your family**

 **TG: if im allowed that is**

 **TG: and if youre ok with it**

 **TG: dont wanna rush anything of course**

 **TG: but you shouldnt have to be tortured alone**

 **CG: DAVE, ARE YOU OK? WERE YOU READING ANYTHING I JUST TYPED ABOUT HOW FUCKING AWFUL MY THANKSGIVING IS?**

 **TG: yep**

 **TG: read every word**

 **TG: i still wanna go though**

 **CG: YOU GODDAMN MASOCHIST. JESUS CHRUST.**

 **CG: CHRIST***

 **TG: in the name of the father, son, and holy ghost, jesus chrust, amen**

 **CG: FUCK OFF**

 **CG: IT WAS A FUCKING TYPO**

 **CG: ALSO MY DAD SAID YES**

 **TG: yes to what**

 **TG: what did you ask your dad about that i need to know he said yes to**

 **TG: babe**

 **TG: some answers would be nice here**

 **TG: dont leave me hanging**

 **CG: YES TO ME BRINGING A GUEST TO THANKSGIVING**

 **CG: YOU CAN COME**

 **TG: wait really?**

 **CG: YES REALLY. DID YOU NOT ACTUALLY WANT TO GO? FUCK. WERE YOU JUST JOKING AROUND? SHIT. DID I JUST FUCK THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION UP MAJORLY BY ASKING PERMISSION FOR THIS SHIT? YOU TOTALLY DON'T HAVE TO FUCKING GO IF YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY WANT TO IN THE FIRST PLACE.**

 **TG: no no**

 **TG: i was serious**

 **TG: i just didnt expect you to agree**

 **TG: or i guess**

 **TG: i didnt expect you to ask your dad and for him to agree**

 **TG: holy shit**

 **TG: how am i supposed to dress**

 **CG: SOMETHING NICE BUT NOT TOO CRAZY. LIKE BUSINESS CASUAL. MAYBE A SWEATER OVER A BUTTON DOWN OR SOMETHING.**

 **TG: cool**

 **TG: so i get to meet your dad**

 **TG: how do i address him**

 **TG: mr vantas**

 **TG: dad vantas**

 **TG: sir**

 **TG: the man whose sperm gave life to the greatest ass ive ever seen**

 **CG: I THINK MR. VANTAS WILL BE FINE UNLESS HE SAYS OTHERWISE**

 **CG: ALSO HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY THAT OUT LOUD IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY**

 **CG: AS IT IS I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WATCH MY CUSSING**

 **CG: THEY'RE ALL LIKE SUPER RELIGIOUS.**

 **TG: damn, so i can't call you daddys little dick rider**

 **CG: WE HAVENT EVEN**

 **CG: YOU NEVER EVEN CALL ME THAT**

 **CG: WHAT THE FUCK**

 **CG: WHAT TH K**

 **TG: just teasing you babe**

 **TG: but its good to know that youre fine with calling me daddy**

 **TG: didnt peg you as the ddlb type**

 **TG: not complaining though**

 **TG: 3**

 **CG: FUCK YOU**

 **CG: THAT IS NOT A FUCKING THING**

 **CG: WE ARE NOT DOING THAT**

 **CG: I AM NOT CALLING YOU THAT**

 **CG: EVER**

Dave P.O.V.

And now we fast forward to Thanksgiving day. Karkat picks me up around noon and I'm dressed in a dark red sweater, no button down because apparently I don't actually own any that aren't flannels, and some black jeans. Shades firmly settled on my face per usual, because like hell am I going to show off my freak eyes to my boyfriend's family when meeting them for the first time.

Karkat looks fucking amazing in his cute little black and grey sweater vest getup. His curly hair looks like he tried to tame it, but all in all it doesn't look much different than it usually does.

"You look nice." I note as I hop into the front passenger seat.

"So do you." He actually smiles at me and I can see the nerves wearing him already.

"Are you sure that it's fine that I go with you?" I ask again, just to be sure. I've asked him this question at least four other times this week but it never hurts to be assured.

"Yes." He states firmly, gripping the steering wheel and staring straight ahead.

"You look tense." I point out.

"Yes." He repeats, less firm now.

"What's got you so worried?" I ask, trying to keep up a conversation as we pull out of the apartment complex.

"Well … I've technically never come out to my family." Karkat mumbles. I just stare at him for a long minute.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Really. I mean, it's not like I ever let them believe I was fucking straight either, I just didn't talk about romantic stuff at all, like fucking ever. Never dated anyone in high school. Never talked about crushes or any of that shit. I think some of them may have a suspicion, but I've never been confronted about it."

"So basically, that's going to be a thing that happens today?" I conclude.

"Yep."

"Any chance we'll get kicked out?" And there's silence in the car for a solid 60 seconds. "Karkat?"

"I don't know. They're Catholic but I've never heard any of their opinions on gays so I have no fucking clue."

I nod. "Well this should be fun then."

"Mhm." He agrees. Then we turn on the radio for the rest of the car ride and I hold his hand across the center console, squeezing lightly every now and then.

It takes almost two whole hours for us to drive to Karkat's dad's house from the city. Apparently he lives way out in the middle of nowhere on some ranch-style plantation or something. That explains why he's the one who hosts the family parties, I guess. It's kind of intimidating to see some people standing outside waiting for us as we pull up. I've never felt more unprepared for something in my entire life.

Karkat strangles my hand a little as he manages to park and I can tell that he's just as nervous as I am. But he manages to unlatch his hand from mine long enough to get his seatbelt off and get out of the car, so I do the same, following his lead. I hesitate on getting too close to him at first, knowing that this is his family and his coming out and it has nothing to do with my desire to be close to my boyfriend.

He walks up and I can see the barest hint of a shake in his form. It makes me want to latch onto him even more but I contain myself until I know that it's permitted to be clingy.

"Hey dad." Karkat starts. His dad just smiles and pulls him into one of those dad-hugs, back pats included.

"How's my boy?" He asks in this booming voice that's a lot louder than I thought it would be.

"Good." Karkat answers with an awkward chuckle that I have never heard from him before. God this really is going to be a trainwreck, isn't it? The other guy standing there (his brother? Does he have any brothers? Cousin maybe?) gives a very obviously fake cough and Karkat turns to face him. "Hey Kankri."

"Hello, Karkat. It's nice to see you again." Says the other male in a much prissier voice than I'd ever heard from any gay man. Then they proceed to shake hands.

Then Mr. Vantas cuts back in again. "So who's this young man you have with you?" He asks, direction the question at me and offering a hand to shake.

"Dave." I respond, taking his hand and doing my best to be firm. I don't normally shake hands with people. In fact the only other time I've shaken someone's hand was at my high school graduation. It was some sort of weird requirement to shake the principal's hand when getting your diploma.

"Nice to meet you Dave, how do you know my son?" He asks. I freeze on spot, looking at Karkat for some sort of help because fuck if I knew what to say right here.

"He's um, he's my boyfriend actually." Karkat supplies. There's a beat of tension in which I'm just looking back and forth between my boyfriend and his dad.

"Boyfriend huh?" He looks back and forth between Karkat and I and I swear I'm going to die of anxiety, and it looks like Karkat is too. "Good for you, son. I'm glad that you feel comfortable enough with yourself to be upfront with me." And he smiles. And Karkat smiles. And shit even I'm smiling, because we can do this. We can make it through this holiday family event without complete chaos erupting like Vesuvius in Pompeii.

Then he turns to me again. "Then in your case, Dave, feel free to call me Sebastian. We're all family here." And then he surprised me even more by pulling me into a hug. I awkwardly hugged him back, not expecting such a sudden warm welcome. I could make out the faint sound of Karkat snickering behind me. "What's so funny?" Sebastian asked.

"I really didn't expect you to be this ok with it. I was so fucking worried."

"Language." Kankri cut in, but Karkat just kept laughing anyway.

"It's just so funny that I was that worried about this. Of course you're fucking fine with it. Why wouldn't you be? You're my dad."

"Also I'd be a hypocrite if I wasn't fine with it." Sebastian added on.

"Wait what?" Karkat asked, pulled out of laughter.

"What?" Kankri repeated.

"Kankri, you shouldn't be shocked about this. I've already introduced you to Psimon. He's in the kitchen, mingling with the rest of the family that's arrived. Why don't you boys come in and meet him?"

"Ok." I answered and started to follow Karkat's dad up the drive toward the house. Karkat and Kankri trailed behind, clearly a little shocked.

"Wait, dad. Is he like, your boyfriend? Like is it a serious relationship or ….? What all is going on here?" Karkat asked, delaying the train that previously had been headed in the direction of some fucking great smelling food.

"I guess you could say it's something like that. It's not solidly defined, per se. He's just my partner at the moment. But as you know, I don't invite just anyone to family events." But he didn't supply anything more than that and just kept walking towards the entryway.

"Like father, like son." I mumbled and Karkat shot me a glare that probably would have made anyone else flinch. Sebastian chuckled and I felt a little more pride in my subtle jab at my boyfriend. It was all in good humor, of course.

To say that I was shocked when we got inside was an understatement. This house looked like something out of a home-design magazine. It was absolutely immaculate and the thought of Karkat growing up here was just absurd. He didn't strike me as the type of person that would enjoy being around all this bullshit luxury stuff like statues and paintings.

Karkat leaned over and whispered. "Sorry about his bullshit. He always puts out all his stupid collectables and busts and shit when he has people over." That made me feel a little better about it, knowing that this was not how it always looked.

Then we got a second shock when we reached the dining room that literally looked like it could be a ballroom. Sitting at one end of the table were Karkat's roommate and his boyfriend. I was officially more confused than I'd ever been. The shit-eating grin on Sollux's face didn't help anything.

"Sup Vantas." Sollux lisped, clearly trying to hold back a laugh. I looked at Karkat and could just see the flames growing in his eyes. This would be interesting.


	14. Chapter 14

Karkat P.O.V.

"No. Nope. Hold up. Wait just a damn second. Dad! Psimon? Like Psimon Captor? You're serious? This isn't just a prank right?" I screeched. "Am I being punked? Is Ashton Kutcher going to jump out from somewhere?"

Dave was no help to my freakout at the moment considering he was just cracking up at this. I made a mental note to punch him later, the fucking jerk. I could just not believe this shit. My dad was dating Sollux's dad? What in the hell? How? Why? When?

"Karkat calm down, it's not that big of a deal." Kankri said, trying to be the voice of reason, as if he wasn't just as shocked. Fuck him and the high horse he seemed to be glued to.

"Is there a problem?" Dad cut in, looking very confused.

"Yeah, KK. Is there a problem?" Sollux mimicked. I glared at him with so much fucking hatred. He probably knew that I was supposed to be watching my cussing today too.

"Sol, don't give him a hard him about it. It's not like he knew about it in advance." Eridan chided, trying to be helpful. I would have appreciated the sentiment from my roommate if it weren't for the fact that he basically just admitted that they both knew about it in advance and didn't say anything to me.

I decided not to get mad about that fact though because it's not like I'd expected them to out my dad to me. Hell, it's not like I'd fucking believe them if they'd said anything about it anyway. I took a couple of deep breaths and Dave rubbed my back gently, trying to comfort me now that his laughing spell was over with.

"It's not a problem. Just very unexpected." I clarified for my dad. "Eridan and I are roommates, and Sollux, well, ….. For lack of better word he's an asshole that I work with. So I seriously hope that Psimon is much nicer to you than this douche nozzle." Dad nodded and seemed like he was about to say something.

"Language, Karkat." Kankri chided in again, literally cutting my dad off.

"Cut me a break, this is kind of shocking news." I groaned.

"It's shocking to me too, but you don't see me cussing up a storm." He retorted.

"Ok well you have the emotional range of a can of soup." I shot back.

"Cans of soup don't have emotional ranges." Kankri said in an arrogant tone, clearly not getting the insult.

"Exactly."

"Boys. If you're quite done, I'd like you to come into the main kitchen so I can formally introduce you to someone." My dad called from the doorway, giving me that look he used to give me when I was a little kid and did something wrong. So we shut up and followed, letting my dad have his way since I could tell this wasn't as easy for him as it was for me.

During the introductions my dad bragged a bit about me, as if I was anything to actually be proud of or shown off like this. But I digress because, being an only child, I guess dad had to be proud of something. While he talked, I took in Psimon's appearance. I could definitely see the resemblance between him and Sollux. But this man had broader shoulders and wasn't quite as scrawny; like he worked out maybe and remembered to eat more regularly than Sollux, but still less than the suggested three meals a day. Maybe the whole Captor family just had high metabolisms? Whatever it was, they were all thin as hell. All in all Psimon seemed to have a better fashion sense too. Maybe he wasn't so bad. It was nice to see my dad look so happy though, and the way Psimon openly wrapped his arm around my dad's waist kind of made me approve of him a little more. They were happy together, and that's what was important. .

Speaking of dad, he even went so far as to introduce Dave for me, since I'd been too busy staring to do it myself. I flushed some, not meaning for it to seem like I was ogling my dad's partner, but luckily nobody seemed to notice much. Well no one except Dave, who just laced his fingers together with mine and made small talk with the adults so that I wouldn't have to. Kankri was weirdly quiet, not that I was going to complain, but it still made me wonder if something was up with him.

After all the formalities Psimon asked us "Have you met my sons, yet?"

"Sons?" I asked, making sure I'd heard that right. "I know Sollux. We work together and he's dating my roommate."

Psimon chuckled, a warm, full sound that was very easy on the ears. No wonder my dad liked this guy. His whole aura radiated out as comforting. The exact opposite of Sollux in a lot of ways. "Small world, I see. Yes, Sollux is my youngest, but his older brother Mituna should be around here somewhere as well with his girlfriend."

"Mituna is _here_?" Kankri practically squeaked.

"Do you know him?" Psimon raised an eyebrow.

"I've got to go. Please excuse me." And with that my cousin made a beeline for one of the guest rooms towards the back of the house.

"Do you know what that was about?" Dad asked.

"When it comes to him, I have no clue." I admitted. Dave just shrugged, seeming to be at a loss for words for the first time in that conversation.

We all continued to chat and be re-introduced as more and more of my relatives showed up. I let my dad set the example for what was and wasn't allowed as far as PDA because like hell was I going to be yelled at for holding Dave's hand or kissing him or some stupid shit like that. Surprisingly it was very relaxed and basically it was just "no making out in front of everyone". Most of my relatives were fine with both me and my dad having our boyfriends at thanksgiving. In fact, they seemed relieved. One of my aunts even said she called it and then claimed that her husband owed her money. So I guess they were betting on who would be gay in the family? Nice to know.

Kankri appeared again after a long while, apparently having needed time to collect himself. Whatever issue he had with Mituna was something he could handle another time. It was Thanksgiving for fucks sake. For once I wish he had stayed up on his high horse and handled it with grace like he tries so hard to do with everything else.

When my grandfather showed up, Dad went to greet him, Psimon trailing close behind. I wasn't close enough to hear the conversation, but I definitely heard the shouting when it started. I caught bits and pieces of "You and your son are fuckin homosexuals?! Go and have your fuckin dinner, holiday fuckin whatever. I'm goin the fuck home." Or some shit along those lines. Homophobic bastard that he was, I wasn't really surprised, but to make a scene like that was just unnecessary and rude. To top it all off, the old shitstain just hobbled his way back to his car, told my grandma to get in, and left. Dad seemed pretty beaten up about it, but plenty of relatives went to comfort him and Psimon was very understanding with the situation. He had more than enough support to make it through the holiday at the very least.

Aside from that situation though, everything else went pretty smoothly. Dave was a party favorite apparently, being very good at talking to and impressing relatives. I had no idea that so many of my aunts and cousins listened to anything other than gospel radio, but apparently they were familiar with the station he worked at and had plenty of questions for him. It was nice to see him getting along with everyone, but also weird to not be next to him while he gets acquainted with my family. We had split up at some point in the chaos that was my younger cousins running around playing tag in the family room. I was given the fucking lovely task of wrangling them all to the backyard to play.

Slowly all of the young adults started filtering out into the backyard as well. First it was just Mituna and Latula, apparently wanting to use their skateboards. The problem with that was that there was hardly any patio or concrete for them to use. Latula gave up pretty easily, but Mituna still tried to skate through the fucking dirt, apparently too stubborn to give up. I could see how he and Sollux were related.

Speaking of Sollux, he and Eridan were the next ones out to the yard. They were being so fucking overly sappy and cute I thought I was going to throw up. The two of them occupied the two-seater swing on the porch and cuddled, talking softly and just being all sorts of lovey-dovey.

And then as if on cue, Dave finally made his re-appearance and came to save me from this literal torture.

"Hey babe." He said casually, slipping an arm around my waist. I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Hey."

"You ok?" He seemed genuinely concerned and I really, really wanted to say I was fine, but I was kind of miserable.

"Toddlers and lovebirds and babysitting. All the things I really fucking hate." I muttered.

"Hang in there. It's almost time to eat and then we can ditch before we pass out from the impending turkey coma. Sound good?"

I hummed and nodded, leaning a little more into Dave's shoulder. It was a little chilly out and he was warm and comforting. Not to mention, he smelled like a musky cinnamon today and it was just a really fucking nice, warm smell.

We stood there for another few minutes before my dad came outside and literally scared the living shit out of me by sneaking up behind Dave and I.

"Karkat?"

"Shhiiiiiiiishkabob." Smooth. Real fucking smooth. At least I didn't cuss in front of the kids.

"Shishkabob?" Dave asked, turning to me with raised eyebrows.

"Shut up." I grumbled. "What did you want, dad?"

"I was wondering if you boys would like to come and help set the table?"

"Yeah, sure." Dave answered for me. I just shrugged and went along with it because honestly, anything was better than supervising the toddlers at this point.

When we got to the dining room, Kankri was already inside folding napkins into swans. Like what a fucking prick, who cares about how fancy the napkins are folded? They're going to wipe gravy off our fat fucking faces either way. What was the point?

My dad put me in charge of setting out plates and silverware, and Dave got the pleasure of learning how to steam clean the wine glasses by hand. In my opinion, it would've been easier to have it the other way around, since I did shit like that every once in a while at work when we had people reserve parts of the restaurant for parties. But I just shrugged it off and did what I was asked. I wasn't about to question my dad's motives for wanting to be alone with my boyfriend in the kitchen. I was about 90% sure it had something to do with giving him that standard "treat my son right" talk. Dave could handle that on his own.

When I finished setting all fucking 50+ seats at our monstrosity of a family dining table (it was really more like a table for a ballroom than anything), I walked back into the main kitchen. To most people, Dave would've looked just fine, maybe a little pale, but mostly fine. I wasn't most people though and I could tell that my dad had probably scared him quite a bit with whatever threat he'd made to make sure Dave "treats me right". I wanted to laugh, but I also felt kind of bad. I knew how scary my dad could be when he was mad or even when he was just being deathly serious.

"Table all set?" Dad asked.

"Yep." I picked up a glass, a cup of hot water, and a coffee filter and got to work with cleaning the wine glasses. There was a moment of silence before Kankri walked into the kitchen as well.

"All of the cranes have been placed. Would you like any other assistance Uncle Seb?"

"Thank you, Kankri. And no, you're free to do whatever you'd like now. Dave, Karkat and I have everything else covered for the time being."

He nodded and turned away, only to turn back around. "There's one more thing I'd like to ask you about."

"Well go right ahead." My dad responded, setting down the glass he'd been holding.

"Did you still want me to say the prayer before dinner?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"I was just wondering, considering the fact that both you and Karkat came out today, and there will be a larger number of LGBT people at the table than usual, if you still wanted there to be a prayer. I know that most religions aren't accepting of those types of things and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable by preaching about the lord in their presence."

"Kankri, are you suggesting that LGBT people can't be religious?" My dad asked, seemingly in disbelief.

"I- well I'm not saying that they can't. I just don't see why they would want to be when religion so frequently persecutes them and claims that they are unredeemable in the eyes of God."

"Well do you personally believe that?"

"No. Of course not." Kankri almost sounded offended that anyone would suggest that of him.

"And were you planning on giving a prayer that had to do with the persecution of LGBT people?"

"I would never. Today is a day to give thanks and be appreciative of the things that we have, not to put down groups of people. Especially not groups that really shouldn't be put down in the first place considering that it's obviously in God's plan for you both to be gay."

"Well then there's your answer. You're perfectly allowed to still say your prayer before dinner."

"Alright. Thank you."

"Oh and Kankri?"

"Yes?"

"For the record, I'm not a homosexual. I'm bisexual. I did love your late aunt very dearly and she still holds a place in my heart. And I'm not about to give up my faith just because I'm deciding to pursue a relationship with another man."

"Thank you for that clarification. I appreciate your honesty." Kankri smiled, like actually fucking smiled for once and then went back to the dining room.

All I could really do was stand there awestruck, because I had _never_ witnessed anyone get through to Kankri in the same way that my father just did. Like what the actual fuck just happened? Normally he would have argued that shit to the ends of the Earth if I had tried to explain some shit like that. But with my dad, he just accepted it? Like it was just that easy to expand his mind and make room for the revelation that a gay person could be religious and still be gay. (Gay being an umbrella term in this sense.) Maybe my dad was a fucking superhero now? If not literally, he certainly was in my fucking eyes. Goddamn.

We'd just about finished cleaning the glasses by now, so my dad had Dave and I start putting them out on the table while he went to go spread the word that dinner was ready to be served. Within ten minutes everyone was seated and all the dishes were set out across the middle of the table so that everyone could reach them. Dave and I were sat next to each other near the end of the table, closest to my dad and across from Eridan and Sollux. Kankri was, per usual, seated in the middle of the table on the side facing away from the glass doors that led to the backyard. He'd always loved the way the sun came in through the glass and silhouetted him in light when he said the thanksgiving prayer. He'd told me as much the first year and it'd been tradition ever since.

"Ahem." Kankri started, gathering everyone's attention even though most of us were staring at him anyway, waiting. "I would just like to start out by saying that I have never been more proud of my cousin, Karkat, and Uncle Sebastian, than I am today. I greatly admire their bravery and I can imagine many of you do as well. But before I start the prayer, I'd like to ask that if anyone else has an announcement or news to tell that they do it now." I mentally slapped myself. Of course he would do something as embarrassing as that. One of my youngest cousins who was maybe seven at the most raised his hand though. "Yes, Magnus?"

"I um, I think I'm gay too." He paused briefly and then continued. "Actually, I know I am. Yeah."

"Me too!" His sister chimed in, followed by a chorus of several young kids chiming in, coming out as a whole bunch of different LGBT things.

"Slow down now, please. One person speaking at a time." Kankri said loudly over them.

Fifteen minutes later we'd found out that I have two bisexual cousins, Magnus is still very certain that he's gay, his sister is a little less sure but she knows that she has a crush on a girl in her class, another of my cousins is asexual, and that Vivian is transgender and would like to be called Victor now as well as be referred to with masculine pronouns.

"Alright. Are there any other LGBT related announcements or may I start my prayer?"

"Unless you wanna come out too, I think you're good." I chimed in, smirking. My dad just shook his head at me, but fuck him in that particular moment because that shit was funny as hell. Dave brought his hand about level to the table and offered me a fistbump, apparently finding it just as funny as I had.

"I have been and will continue to be celibate by choice and dedicated to the lord, thank you very much." The slight venom in Kankri's voice was so worth the subtle jab. It was a long-running joke between the two of us that Kankri was just choosing to be celibate so that he wouldn't have to come out as gay. I used to have some logic behind it like 'since jesus is a dude it's just you being gay for jesus'. It was a much funnier joke when we were kids, to be totally fucking honest.

And then it started. The fucking prayer. This was the worst part of the whole night and I'd been dreading it the entire day. Now that it was here it wasn't much better, honestly. As much as I'd like to say it went by fast, it never did. How could time go by fast when Kankri was droning on and on about fucking Jesus and how we had so much to be thankful for?

What's worse is that he then went on listing everything he could possibly think of to be thankful for and then went around the table clockwise and thanked God for each and every one of us and listed some qualities he liked about us. As flattering as it might be, it was taking forever and I could hear stomachs rumbling from across the room. The smell of the two turkeys and all the other food was literally going to kill everyone if Kankri took too long.

After a full fucking 45 minutes of bullshit he finally concluded his prayer and the sigh of relief in everyone's accompanying "amen" was fucking audible. Somehow Kankri didn't even fucking notice how miserable everyone had been and just simply sat down, looking very fucking pleased with himself. Actually, that part wasn't even fucking new, he did that shit every year. Forget that I even pretended to be shocked about that.

The food was fantastic, as usual. The only talking that really happened during dinner was people asking for things to be passed to them. Other than that, everyone was too busy stuffing their faces to care for conversation. My dad came around and gave people a choice between three different wines and served them accordingly. Yet another thing that I would have been more than happy to do, since I do that shit on a regular basis. My dad could be so fucking stubborn sometimes.

Within an hour at least half of the adult guests were somewhere between tipsy and completely wasted, unless they were designated drivers. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to slip out of there unnoticed. I went and said goodbye to my dad, but that was it. Then, just as we were two steps away from being completely out the door, Eridan's drunk ass yells at us from across the house.

"Ooooh. Sneakin out so soon? Kar, keep off the couch if ya can, I don't wanna be traumatized when I get home."

And before I could even react, Dave grabbed me by the waist, pulled me back inside another step, and shouted back. "Then don't come home. Go to Sollux's." And then he fucking dipped his shades and winked, before leading me down the driveway.

My face was so fucking red right in that moment. I just followed along, staring at Dave incredulously. Everything about that was simultaneously embarrassing and hot as fucking hell. What the fuck had just happened?

I was far too flustered to drive so Dave took the keys and pulled up a map on his phone so that he wouldn't get lost. Once we were in and buckled he turned to me with a grin. "Well I don't know about you, but I had a wonderful evening."

"Shut the fuck up." I muttered without any real venom. There was a couple moments of silence before a thought sprung forward and I just had to entertain it. "By the way, what did my dad talk to you about in the kitchen?"

It was Dave's turn to flush red now, apparently. "Just y'know. Typical dad speech. The ol' _don't hurt my kid or I'll hurt you_ spiel. Nothing special."

"If it was nothing special you wouldn't look like a tomato right now. Dave, what the fuck did he say to you?"

"Well, … he asked if I was taking care of you…"

"What? Like financially?"

Dave clicked his tongue and muttered a very curt "No."

"So what do you mean 'taking care of me'?"

"Like uh, like if we'd … y'know. He wanted to know if we'd had sex yet." Dave kept his eyes on the road and only the road while I twisted in my seat to look at him.

"Why the fuck would he want to know that?"

"I don't know he's _your_ dad. You tell _me_ why he asked me that."

"Well what did you say?" I turned down the radio so that I could hear whatever Dave was going to say next clearly.

"I was honest. I said we hadn't. He seemed …. confused or maybe surprised by that? I dunno. It was weird."

"Ohmygod."

"What?"

"Oh my fucking god."

"Karkat, what is it?"

"I just remembered something he told me a few months ago. He was taking some computer class for his work and he said that he'd finally figured out how to view the internet history for the whole network and shit like that. I didn't get it then, but I think he was trying to tell me something."

"I think I'm following, but just in case, care to explain some more?" Dave asked.

"I'm guessing that means that he saw the history on my old desktop computer."

"And?" We were stopped at a red light now and Dave had turned to look at me.

"Dave. Why would you not want your parent to see your internet history from your teenage years?"

Without missing a beat Dave muttered a "Jesus christ." And started laughing again. "Your dad saw your fucking porn cache? Are you joking right now? What kind of kinky ass shit were you watching that would make him ask me if you're being fully satisfied?"

"Well I'm fucking gay, so what the hell do you think I was watching? Even before I was sure I was fully gay, back when I thought maybe I was bi, I still exclusively watched gay porn." Like hell was I actually going to disclose what specific kink-types I was watching. That was not a conversation for the evening of Thanksgiving, even in the comfort of my own car.

"I am learning so much about you today." He said as the light turned green.

"Dave if you don't shut the fuck up, you're not staying over tonight."

"I wasn't aware that I was even invited to stay the night tonight."

"Well you fucking are, so you better shut it." I reclined my seat back so that I could lay. It was nice not having to drive my own car for once.

"Why don't you make me?" That fucking smirk on his fucking stupidly handsome face.

"Strider." I said in a warning tone, trying my best to keep it together. The images that went through my mind of different ways to shut him up were _very_ fucking tempting. It definitely didn't help that my mind happened to flash back to that night under the bleachers, either.

"Ok. Ok. I just wanted a kiss. No big." He fanned his fingers out on the steering wheel in a defensive manner. Playing it innocent, of course.

I sighed. "You can have a fucking kiss when you're not already pre-occupied with operating a moving vehicle."

"Promise?"

"No." I grinned. Then I watched him roll his eyes behind his shades.

"Karkat Vantas, you are really something." He muttered, taking a turn just a little sharper than I'd expecting him to. I fucking squealed because of it and mentally slapped myself. "Like I said, really something."

"Yeah? And what is that something? Care to elaborate, Mr. Smooth?"

"I'll tell you when we get home." He smiled. A genuine, handsome, attractive as hell smile. Something about it told me that tonight was a night I wouldn't be forgetting anytime soon.


	15. Chapter 15

Dave P.O.V.

I drove us the rest of the way home and just turned the radio dial up a little bit to fill the silence. Not that it was uncomfortable, in fact it was nice, but music was always just as nice. After a fiasco with barely managing to park in a compact space, and Karkat fumbling with his door keys like a dork, we finally got inside the apartment. A furry face was there to greet us when we walked in and meowed, clearly letting us know that he was hungry.

"I fed you before I left, don't give me that shit." Karkat muttered to the cat, side-stepping him and taking his shoes off. I followed suit, dropping my shoes on the mat by the door and avoiding getting in the cat's way. Karkat wandered into the kitchen and flipped on the light before sighing loudly.

"What's wrong?" I offered.

"Mawkin's a fucking asshole, that's what's wrong. He dug through the cabinets again while we were out. Shit's just fucking everywhere on the floor and probably needs washing now that it's coated in enough cat fur to make a second cat." He grumbled.

"That's right. I forgot you'd mentioned that he does that sometimes." Man I was just full of helpful comments tonight.

"Yeah, it's a goddamn weekly occurrence at the very least, fucking little shithead douchelord." The last bit was obviously directed towards the cat and not towards me. I made the smart move of not taking offense.

"Do you want any help cleaning it up?" Finally a helpful comment from my dumb mouth, honorable mention to my dumbass brain.

"No. It's fine. He is my cat. I'll take care of it." Karkat waved me off. I tried to step in and help anyway, knowing that it'd take him quite a while to get all this shit done on his own. The sooner we could spend time together, the better, right?

Clearly Karkat didn't agree because as soon as I was two steps into the kitchen his hand was on my chest, pushing me backwards and away. "No, no. You do not get to play white knight today. Go sit on the couch and find a movie or something. Let me handle this."

I tried to hold my ground but as soon as I met his eyes, I gave in. Something about the look in his eye, I don't know what the hell it is, but it makes me want to do anything and everything he asks of me. I've only seen it once or twice before, but goddamn. If I'm honest, it's looks like those that have been popping up in my dreams lately. Well that, and the expression on his face from that night at the football game under the bleachers.

That aside though, I went and sat on the couch as requested. It's not like I was going to complain about resting with a full stomach. I scrolled through the movies on Netflix for about twenty minutes, but nothing really screamed Thanksgiving date night to me.

At some point Mawkin had jumped up onto the couch without my noticing. I'd only realized he was there when he straight up climbed onto my lap and laid down on me. I held my arms up out of his way for a moment, not really sure of how to handle this. If I moved him, would he be upset? Would he hiss at me? Was he the type of cat that bit people? Should I pet him? I was at a total loss. I don't own animals nor did I grow up with them.

That's when Karkat walked back in from the kitchen. "I see you've made a friend."

"Completely unintentional, I promise." I said, keeping my hands up and feigning defense.

"You can pet him, y'know. He's not going to bite your hand off if he's willing to get that fucking close." He said as he moved closer to me and sat on the armrest of the couch.

"Hey, you never know when it comes to other people's animals. Better safe than sorry." I said, slowly lowering my hands so as not to startle the destructive feline, and resting them on his back gently. As soon as I started to pet him he began purring very loudly. "Holy shit." I whispered, not really sure how a cranky cat so small could emit that loud a noise.

"He normally hates people. I'm surprised he's gotten so cozy with you."

"Clearly the two of you have similar tastes in people." I smirked.

"Oh shut the fuck up." He rolled his eyes.

"Well if he hates people as much as you say he does then that's another thing you two have in common. This cat is like your feline twin, babe."

"Yeah, except I don't go and tear through kitchen cabinets just for shits and giggles." Karkat said pointedly at his cat, trying to scold him indirectly.

"Don't listen to him, Mawkin. You're probably just lonely being stuck at home all day long. You need a Dave to keep you company, huh?" I cooed at the cat.

"I cannot fucking believe that my cat is stealing my boyfriend right now!" Karkat got up from the couch armrest and crossed his arms, trying and failing not to smirk.

"Babe, you know you'll always be my number one. But who can resist a pussy like this?" I waggled my eyebrows for extra effect. Karkat made a face like he'd just smelled the world's worst shit.

"Me. Definitely. A thousand fucking times over. Can resist. I hate that fucking cat like 80% of the time and I wouldn't touch pussy even if you paid me. So I'm good. You two enjoy yourselves over there." And with that he turned and walked back towards the kitchen, which would've been fine if it weren't for the fact that Mawkin got up and followed him. So there I was, alone in the living room, my attempt at humor shot down and fatally wounded.

Then Karkat noticed that the cat was following him. "Where the fuck do you think your furry ass is going?" He asked, looking down at the little fluff-ball. Mawkin meowed at him and put his paw out like he was batting at something that wasn't there. "No. As cute as you are, no. Go lie down or something." The cat clearly wasn't understanding. Karkat picked him up and carried him around the corner, out of my view. When he came back he was empty-handed.

"Where's the cat?"

"Eridan's room." Karkat answered simply before walking back towards the couch. "Is this seat taken?" He asked, not really gesturing anywhere in particular.

"Recently vacated, actually." I joked.

"In that case, I'll take it before it's stolen out from under me again." He smirked before moving to sit on my lap. I'll admit I was a little surprised, but it was comfortable and inviting as hell to have my boyfriend straddling me. Not to mention he still looked cute as shit in his sweater vest getup from dinner.

"So, did you find anything on Netflix for us to watch?" He asked as he looped his arms around my shoulders and started playing with the hair at the nape of my neck.

"Nope." I answered simply as I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch.

He stopped though and placed his hands firmly on my shoulders. "Aw, so I guess that means we can't Netflix and chill? Dammit." When I opened my eyes he was fake puppy-dog pouting at me.

"Well if that's what you want to do then I'm sure I can put something on the TV real quick. It's not like it has to be interesting if we're not going to be paying any attention anyway, right?" I played along, mostly just kidding but totally open to the idea.

"Dave, I'm fucking kidding. I'm not going to have our first time together be on a shitty living room couch. That's trashy. I'm not some kind of cheap slut or something." Karkat replied, giving me more sass than I'd seen from him yet. It was kind of hot.

"No, yeah. I totally get that babe and I agree, couch sex would be trashy. I was just trying to make conversation and play along. No biggie." Good save, or at least I thought it was. It probably wasn't.

"How about instead of fucking up attempts at conversing like normal people, we just make out instead?" Karkat suggested.

"You make a convincing argument." I smirked before leaning in a little closer and pressing our foreheads together. I looped my arms around Karkat's waist and just smiled at him, looking into his eyes from behind my shades.

As if on cue, Karkat reached up and pushed my shades into my hair. "It wasn't an argument, it was a fucking invitation, dumbass." He half-whispered. Then he cupped my chin and pulled me into a very gentle kiss. I'm talking so damn soft that I wasn't totally sure it was even actually happening. A few more kisses followed that one, each increasing in pressure, each absolutely perfect. Fuck, I really loved his lips.

My body went into autopilot and before I knew it, we were making out. His hands were sliding through my hair and tugging, while his lips slipped past my own in a repetitive and lulling fashion. My hands seemed to be moving on their own, one teasing just under the hem of his sweater, the other lightly scratching across his lower back and massaging his hip on each pass. We were both breathing heavily, but air was the last thing on my mind in that moment. We settled on sucking in air between kisses, and Karkat didn't seem to mind one bit. In fact I could hear the barest hint of a hum threatening to spill past his lips each time my thumb pressed into his hip bone.

In a moment of complete lack of self control, I gripped his hips with both hands and squeezed, not hard enough to bruise, but close. The noise I was rewarded with was more than worth it though, because Karkat pulled away from the kiss and let out this moan that was ten million times better than any song I'd ever heard.

"What was that, babe?" I whispered to him, smirking.

"Nothing you haven't fucking heard before. Or do you not remember the football game you took me to?" He said in a defensive way that was far too cute, what with how pink his cheeks were.

"Trust me, I remember." I said, running a hand through my own hair now and knocking my shades off my own head.

"Christ Dave, could you say it in a way that doesn't make it obvious that you've jerked off to the memory." He chuckled a little. Karkat back at it again with the blunt statements that throw me off. My face was definitely beet red now.

"Woah man, what the fuck are you talking about? I definitely didn't jerk it to that." I tried, and failed, to make that sound convincing but it came out way too sarcastic instead.

"Calm down, jesus fucking christ. I'd almost be offended if you didn't. It was fucking hot, ok?" He rolled his eyes and placed his hands on my thighs.

"Agreed." I responded, half lost in thought. My brain was busy supplying images of what Karkat might've looked like getting off to the thought of me pretending to blow him under the bleachers. Fantasy Karkat was spread out on his bed in the next room, just palming himself over his clothes. To be fair, I didn't really have a reference for what he looked like devoid of clothes so my brain was doing it's damn best. Regardless, the image was fucking hot, and that mixed with minutes of hardcore making out was only going to lead to one conclusion.

Correction, it had already led to its conclusion. That conclusion had probably already been detected by my smoking hot boyfriend who was literally seated on it too. Time to face the music. Location: Bonertown, population: me. Apparently it was just that easy for me to get it up.

"Dave ….." Karkat stared blankly at the wall behind me as he addressed me.

"Yeah?" This should be interesting.

"Should I even bother with the cheesy line of questioning what the everloving fuck is in your pockets?"

"Logically, there ain't gonna be anything in either of my pockets that wasn't there when you first sat down." I said, trying to remain as casual as possible.

There was a long minute of silence before I felt Karkat shift in my lap. At first I thought that he was going to get up, and the fact that he put his hands on my shoulders seemed to solidify that. Then out of nowhere he grinded down against me and I let out a pretty embarrassing gasp as my eyes slipped shut. When I dared to crack my eyes open again, Karkat was biting at his lip and looking directly at me.

"That was ok, right?" He seemed nervous.

"Are you kidding? It was fucking great, babe." I breathed, keeping my voice low.

"And you're not just thinking with your dick right?" He asked. I tried to nod, but I wasn't totally sure if I succeeded or not. My brain was still caught up around the way his lips formed the word 'dick'. Oh the fucking irony.

Either my boyfriend managed to understand my terrible head-nodding, or he just read me well enough to know I was more than fine with this, because he started grinding on me again. I tried my damn best not to gasp or make any more embarrassing noises, but that was a difficult task when it's been just me and my hands for so damn long.

Ok, that sounds bad. It hasn't been crazy long. Maybe about ten months? A year? Whatever that timer was at by now, it was clearly about to reset because Karkat seemed really into grinding his ass against my pleasure pipe. If I had to guess how this was going to end, it would probably be with me creaming my pants on this couch embarrassingly and Karkat offering me a pair of his boxers to borrow.

"Hey Dave?" My eyes snapped open. I hadn't realized they were shut again to begin with.

"Yeah, babe?" I croaked, my voice pitching.

"Can we-" He paused and took a deep breath. "Would it be cool if we moved to my room instead?"

"Huh?" I wasn't sure I'd heard him right. Maybe it was my lust hazed mind playing tricks on me.

"It's fine if you don't want to. But, like I said earlier, I'd really prefer for our first time to not be on the living room couch." Karkat almost looked shy or embarrassed and it was just so fucking adorable. How in the hell did I get so lucky? There was no way that I deserved this gorgeous, amazing man.

"No, no. That'd be totally fine. I'm so on board." I assured him.

"More like I'm on board." He smirked, bouncing in my lap for emphasis.

"Was that a fucking pun?" Karkat Vantas just made a sex pun at my expense. Was this even real life?

"Just shut up, get in my room, and take off your pants." Karkat ordered as he got up and started to walk off.

"Sir yes sir." I'm not even going to pretend that I wasn't staring at his ass while I followed him back to his room. A tush that fine deserved the attention anyway.

Karkat P.O.V.

What the everloving fuck was I thinking? Well, initially I was thinking 'man I really want to make out with him right now' so I plopped into his lap and just fucking went for it. Did I expect to get this far tonight? Hell to the no. Am I nervous? Abso-fucking-lutely. Am I going to keep going though? Without a damn doubt.

I led Dave into my room and shut the door behind him (as if it fucking mattered, we were home alone). Surprisingly he actually stripped his pants off like I'd asked him to. Thankfully he kept his fucking boxers on. I wasn't sure if I was mentally ready for seeing his junk, just yet.

That sounds fucking awful. I'm not scared of Dave's penis. In fact, I am on the exact fucking opposite side of the scale for being afraid of penises. I love dick. I'm just fucking nervous because he's my boyfriend and I actually fucking care for the guy. So I wouldn't want either one of us to just whip it out and go to town. This isn't a goddamn one night stand. This is a relationship.

Dave sat down on the edge of my bed, just sort of waiting for me while I collected my thoughts. I knew what I wanted to do (the slow, passionate, gay, butt-sex filled, love-making that you read about on the internet) and I also knew what I was willing to do tonight (at the most, probably hand jobs or oral). The problem was that those two things were contrasting ideas. I settled on my comfort zone and went to sit on the bed next to my boyfriend. Before he could get a single word out, I cupped his face and dragged him into a kiss. Then another one and another, then he tugged at my lip with his teeth and I fucking whimpered.

"Shit, are you ok? That wasn't too hard was it?" He asked, pulling away almost immediately and looking at my face. He looked so damn worried. Had I really made him think I was a delicate little fucking flower? Did I have the word 'FRAGILE' stamped on my forehead?

"I'm fine. It was fine. In fact, you could bite harder if you really fucking wanted." I breathed back before pulling his face back to mine, honing in on his lips. He hesitated for a second, but got back into the groove quickly enough. When his teeth latched onto my lower lip once more I let out the softest moan, and I could feel him smirking against my lips. That was more like it.

After another solid two minutes of just making out and inching closer and closer together, sitting side by side, I pulled back. Then I wordlessly started crawling up towards the pillows. Thank fucking hell Dave wasn't completely out of it and caught on well enough to follow me. I love the guy, but sometimes he can be dense when it comes to romantic cues. At least that's what I'd observed so far.

We laid down facing each other, my arms trapped between us and pressed against his chest. He had one arm looped under my neck and the other lying lazily over my hip. I wasted absolutely no time in gripping his fucking shirt and pulling him into yet another kiss, lips parted. Dave was just so warm and soft and attractive and fucking perfect.

I couldn't help but smile when I felt his hands reach for the hem of my sweater again. I went ahead and pulled back for him, slipping off the sweater vest part of my ensemble, leaving me in pants and a button down shirt now.

"It was getting a little warm anyway." I supplied with a shrug. Dave just smiled and pulled me back down towards him, encasing me in his arms and bringing our bodies closer together. I could now feel his semi-hard on pressed against my thigh and fuck everything if that wasn't hot as hell. I had absolutely no doubts about the fact that he could feel mine pressed against him as well.

Then just like that, we were kissing again and his hands were in my hair and mine were in his. Our bodies were pressing against one another as if we were trying to melt into each other and become one. Of course neither of us were daring to push the invisible boundaries.

Before I knew it though, my brain gave a big fuck you to boundaries and I reached down and palmed Dave through his boxers. His deep, sultry moan was more than worth it and I'd be lying if I said it didn't turn me on even more. His hands scrambled to the front of my shirt and started fiddling with the buttons. Fucking finally my brain sighed and I moved to start kissing and nipping at his neck. I let up on the pressure on Dave's crotch so he might be able to focus better, but it seemed that he was just really fucking bad at undoing buttons either way.

"Need any help there?" I whispered, trying not to sound like an ass.

"Probably." Dave muttered back before sighing in defeat.

We parted for maybe a total of 20 seconds. Within that span, I unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it off while Dave pulled his own sweater off and started working on my belt and pants. As soon as we were both down to nothing but boxers, Dave's eyes scanned over me. He practically fucking tackled me back down to the bed, nipping at my lips and letting his hands roam all over my bare chest. I simply wrapped my arms around his neck again and tangled my fingers in his hair, making him groan.

He moved down to kiss at my neck, leaving little marks here and there across my skin. God, this asshole was so fucking lucky that my work required I wear collared shirts so I could hide that shit. Nonetheless, it felt fucking amazing. Then he fucking stopped.

"Karkat … how far are we gonna … y'know?" Dave asked, head still tucked into my neck.

"Well since I wasn't exactly prepared ahead of time, I don't have any condoms and I'm almost out of lube. So unless you brought anything, I think our options are kind of limited." I shrugged.

"Almost out of lube?" He lifted his head and raised an eyebrow at me.

"Yes, Dave. Almost out of lube. I do masturbate. I am, in fact, a normal human male." I sighed, rolling my eyes at him. He just smiled like he wanted to laugh but knew it wouldn't be appreciated right now, so he cleared his throat instead.

"So the question still stands, what do you want to do?" Dave bit his lip and looked up at me with a doe-eyed expression. Clearly he was hoping for something, but fuck if I knew what that thing was. I can't read minds.

"I'm fine with anything other than anal, basically." Go blunt or go home, right? "Did you have something specific in mind?"

"Maybe … but it might be too cliche of a first time thing. Not sure how you'd feel about it."

"For fucks sake, I don't give a shit about cliche first times in bed as long as it's with you. It's not like there's that wide a variety of stuff we could start with anyway without scaring each other. As long as we both get off sometime tonight, I'm fine with cliche." As exasperated as I may have sounded, my dick was still quite interested and I was definitely still in the mood. I just hoped I hadn't ruined the mood for Dave.

"Christ, ok, well then how about instead of telling you what my idea is, I just show you?" He smirked some and I could tell he was trying to be smooth. It was very endearing.

Instead of verbally responding, I just kissed him. Definitely a favorable response considering that his hand immediately found my crotch and started palming me through my briefs. I started to get so lost in the motions that I didn't have time to catch my moans before they fell from my lips. It was like my body was on autopilot and my brain was five seconds behind watching the aftermath. And let me tell you, that aftermath was fucking hot.

Dave's hands on me. My hands on him. Still the thin barrier of undergarments to separate and tease us. Lips on very fucking soft lips. Arms brushing as we continue to try and get to each other in the best ways that we can in the positions that we're in. Hot breath ghosting over lips and on shoulders when either one of us presses in a particularly nice way. Sensual and slow but not too slow. Just the right speed. Right pace. Right tempo. Right rhythm. A perfect melody of our sounds together. But what else could you expect from your DJ boyfriend? He was damn good at everything he did with his hands. And I do mean everything.

Right as we were getting into a really good groove, Dave pulled away and completely stopped. I whined and tried to scoot closer, searching for any friction that his body could offer me. He only smiled, kissed my forehead and gently removed my hand from his very tented shorts. Then he pulled his fucking boxers down and his dick out and started stroking himself in front of me. I was awestruck because holy shit that was the hottest moment of my fucking life so far.

I couldn't help but stare. Goddamn. He looked so big and fucking perfect and holy shit did I want to see (and experience) more of that. I reached down to rub at myself through the fabric of my shorts, a little too embarrassed to fully undress myself.

"Fuck, babe." Dave panted out, looking down between the two of us. "Oh, Karkat. Please, let me see you."

As you can fucking imagine, my face turned beet red at the sound of that. I nodded and looped my thumbs into the waistband of my own shorts. I pulled them down as quickly as I could muster, which wasn't very damn fast at all to be completely honest. Trying to wiggle out of boxers while laying down and watching your boyfriend jerk it to you was really fucking difficult, believe it or not. Difficult but not impossible.

I finally kicked my shorts off and reached down to start stroking myself, locking eyes with Dave for a brief moment. I tried to focus on matching pace with him, which is really my way of saying that I was definitely staring at his dick. Fuck this was so hot. Everything was so hot. The way his thumb swiped over his tip and smeared his pre. The way his breath was coming out in shallow pants, lips parted slightly and eyes lidded, pupils blown with lust, his hair mussed and just so fucking perfect. Fuck. Fucking fuck shit fuck. This man might just be the death of me.

Dave used his free hand to cup my chin and pull me into a very sloppy kiss, which I was more than happy to return. Then he scooted closer to me and gently grabbed my hand. I whimpered against his lips and he smirked. Then he wrapped his hand around the both of our dicks at once and gave them a stroke. We both moaned out and I moved my hand down to help, wanting more than anything for him to keep going.

"Fuck, yes. Karkat. S-shit." Dave moaned against my lips. And that was officially the new hottest moment of my entire fucking life.

"Mmm, Dave. S-so goood." I practically fucking purred out, my hips bucking against his.

Our hands started to slip out of sync as we picked up pace, but that was more than ok. It still felt fucking amazing. Then Dave had what had to be the best fucking idea ever in that moment. He looped my hand with his, and just started thrusting up against me, fucking our hands together, his dick rubbing against mine with each pass. By the way he was moving, I was pretty sure he was getting close, his chest heaving. I threw my head back some and just started thrusting against him, my hips stuttering as I got closer and closer.

"Fuck, babe. Clos- oh fuck. Fuckfuckfuck shit, yes, Karkat." Dave practically sobbed out as he hit his peak. I looked down between us and sure enough he was spilling out across our hands.

"Holy fucking shit. Keep going. A-almost there. Please." I whimpered, burying my face in his neck. He thrusted against me a few more times before removing my hand and his dick from the equation, just jacking me off on his own. I drove my hips up into the motion and then all at once it hit me. My body tensed, muscles clenching, toes curling, and then I released, biting into Dave's shoulder and muffling my half-scream. He continued to stroke me a few more times, guiding me through the haze, before pulling his hand away.

We stayed like that for a while, my head tucked into his shoulder, cuddled close, his clean hand under my neck, now playing with my hair. It was nice to bask in the afterglow like this. Which, of course, is my way of saying that it's nice to not have to get off alone to just your fucking hand and your thoughts.

"So, uh. That was … fucking great." Dave spoke up, his voice a little rougher than usual, and I couldn't help but be a little bit proud of that.

"Agreed." I mumbled against his neck, trying to hide the huge grin on my face.

"Do you want to …"

"Get under the blankets? Yes. It's fucking cold in here."

"I was going to say get cleaned up, but that works too." He chuckled.

"Shit. That's right. Cleaning up. That's a thing we should do huh?" I asked, pulling my head back to finally look at him.

"Might help, just a little." He kissed my forehead. "Unless you're cool with me wiping this jizz all over your sheets and calling it a night." He then raised an eyebrow at me.

"Ok, yeah. Not happening. We're at least washing our hands." I conceded, moving to get up. I don't know how I hadn't realized until that moment that I was all sorts of gross and sticky and sweaty. Well, that's a lie. I definitely know why I didn't realize it; I was rather distracted.

Dave got up as well and grabbed his boxers as he followed me out the door and across the hall. It was only then that I noticed the print on them. He had been wearing boxers with fall leaves on them for fucking thanksgiving. That was both hilarious and cute, and normally I would point it out and make some sort of joke, but I was much too tired and happy right now to bother.

A few minutes later we were both all cleaned up and standing in front of the bathroom mirror over the sink, clad in just boxers. Dave was hugging me from behind, his head resting on my left shoulder, and just peppering small kisses to my neck. I had my arms wrapped over his, around my waist, trying to hide the smile that would not leave my face. I just let the moment linger on despite being tired, because when he was holding me like this, what could sleep possibly have to offer?

Then in the midst of the peaceful quiet, I heard a small meow followed by a few more and then the sound of a paw on the door. Dave met my eyes in the mirror and we both started to laugh just a little. Poor Mawkin, stuck in Eridan's room this whole time, all alone.

"Should we let him out?" Dave asks.

"Well his litter box is out on the fucking patio, so we should probably let him out before he shits in Eridan's room." I was still chuckling.

"Nose goes." Dave blurts out, tapping his finger to his nose.

"Oh my god, you literal fucking child." The statement held no malice though, and in fact, I was still grinning.

Dave let go of me and made his way into the bedroom while I went to let Mawkin out. Poor cat, the second the door opened he fucking bolted across the floor and into the living room, so I figured he was fine. I rolled my eyes and just followed my boyfriend back into the bedroom, shutting the door behind me. Dave was just standing at the foot of the bed and staring at the sheets.

"What's wrong?" I asked, approaching.

"Nothing. Just not sure what you wanted to do about the comforter." He nodded towards the mess we'd created that was more than likely going to stain if it wasn't washed soon.

"Fuck it." I just walked over, flipped the damn comforter off the foot of the bed, and started to climb in. I didn't have the energy to start a load of laundry right now. After a long night with so much food, and then the most perfect fucking first-time sex, the only thing I was ready for now was cuddling and sleep.

I felt the bed dip as Dave climbed in beside me and I immediately rolled over to face him. He scooted closer, so I did the same, cuddling up to his chest and closing my eyes. His arm came to rest across my waist and another kiss was placed on my forehead. I cracked an eye open and looked up at him.

"The fuck kind of goodnight kiss was that? Try again."

"Yes sir." He chuckled before leaning down and capturing my lips with his own. That one kiss turned into two, which turned into three, then four, and then we were practically back to making out. When we pulled away, he was smirking yet again. "Better?"

"Much better." I grinned. "Goodnight, Dave."

"Night, Karkat." The amount of affection in his tone should have been illegal. It made stupid 'butterfly' shit happen in my stomach and forced that smile back onto my lips. It just wasn't fair.

I laid there and closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep. The sound of Dave's breathing was soothing, but also a little bit distracting. It was like I wanted to stay up and listen to him breathe and hear his heartbeat instead of sleep. I tried rolling over so that he was spooning me instead, and he adjusted with no issue, clearly not minding. He slipped one arm under my head and under the pillow to get comfortable. After a few minutes of that though, his arm started to fall asleep so he had to readjust.

We wound up laying side by side instead, Dave laying on his stomach and me on my side facing him. Trying to fall asleep while cuddling was fucking hard ok. Movies lie when they show that shit happening without issue. No one can just pass the fuck out while laying on another human and be one hundred percent fucking comfortable. It just wasn't possible. Especially since both Dave and I were pretty bony people. Regardless, we'd finally found spots that were comfortable enough and passed the fuck out.

The last thing I saw before drifting off was Dave's face, a soft sleepy smile on his lips and his hair all tousled and falling in his eyes. Honestly, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.


End file.
